dear blogger,
we've spent the past couple of days not communicating and i will admit that i miss you. more than i thought i would. i thought i could go on without you but i've come to realize that you are a huge part of my life, a part that i've come to need. i only hope you can forgive me.
i like how well we've come to know each other over the years and how familiar and comfortable our relationship is. you let me talk (incessantly sometimes), you let me vent, you let me hash out my problems and issues, but you also let me be joyous and happy and oftentimes blubbering. who else puts up with me to such an extreme extent?
the past two days i have had a hole in my soul. a hole that could only be filled by you. blogger, i beg of you to see past my indiscretions (and awful attempts at spelling words i don't always know), and take me back. i want to remain friends.
lovingly,
batman
Thursday, August 31
Tuesday, August 29
thanks that was fun
dear blogger,
thank you so much for our time together. i regret to inform you that it must come to an end. i'm moving on to bigger and better things. don't worry, i'm not leaving without learning a thing or two. i will go forward an older and wiser girl and hopefully will not repeat my mistakes. and now, if you will forgive me, i will fade into the oblivion that is the internet.
thanks that was fun,
batman
thank you so much for our time together. i regret to inform you that it must come to an end. i'm moving on to bigger and better things. don't worry, i'm not leaving without learning a thing or two. i will go forward an older and wiser girl and hopefully will not repeat my mistakes. and now, if you will forgive me, i will fade into the oblivion that is the internet.
thanks that was fun,
batman
Monday, August 28
you and me same energy
yesterday marked an anniversary in my life: 5 years of dating j. 5 years ago yesterday things finally fell into place and we were able to get really drunk and spend a night talking/sobering up/deciding that we liked each other.
well, i knew that i liked him and he knew that he liked me but we both never thought the other would like us. make sense? that's about how coherent we were at the beginning of our first night together - after all the drinking craziness - but by the time the sun came up we were not as hazy and apparently serious enough. i know the word "love" came out of my mouth once. good thing i wasn't facing j at the time.
the next day we spent some time together, always with other people though, but finally at 2am we were able to have some one-on-one time at a tim horton's. we talked for hours and saw the papers being delivered. i had to leave early the next morning for k-town so we finally parted ways, happy but confused.
i moved into a new place (the booty shak) and so had all new housemates but was also super busy being a frosh leader (we call them gaels at queen's, in arts&science at least) and all that jazz. j and i managed to talk a couple of times and actually saw each other twice in person before thanksgiving.
thanksgiving was the weekend to meet the parents. there were no hilarious moments like in the movie, but i clearly remember telling my mom before j came over that she should be nice to him because he was going to be around for a long time.
so the time passed and in may 2003 j proposed. i will always remember the night because i was still living at home and my dad made me dinner. the dinner was so salty that my body was in a ton of pain. but we went down to the ottawa river anyways and j got down on one knee and said the words.
j's parents moved away that june and i moved in, but i went back to kingston in september. that last year of university was tough, mostly because planning a wedding and being really excited about a huge event that isn't studying for your exams is hard. i managed to get through school and even passed all my courses.
we were married july 10th, 2004. i was late. he was nervous. we had the ceremony, took some family group shots and then jumped in a car and headed to the experimental farm to take pictures. we unloaded from the car and it started raining. we headed back to the hall and took pictures inside. did i mention it was 30+ degrees?
since then we have acquired enough stuff so that our house doesn't echo anymore. we have added to our family - two little cats. we have bought a new car and a new house. we've gone on road trips and cottage trips and trips on planes. we're still growing and maturing, but we're doing it all together. the past 5 years have been the best 5 of my life.
Sunday, August 27
carly's wedding
carly and kerry got married yesterday - congratulations to the happy couple!
we showed up at the reception a little late but still had to wait well over an hour for the speeches to be done so we sat in the bar downstairs:
and here's a picture of carly with the ball girls:
j pulled out all the stops and danced like a mad man:
he even convinced graham to go along with him. crazies. though i might have danced a little crazy too. and someone might have called us wedding crashers.
but this is my favourite picture from the night:
the boys mimicking that beer commercial (fake boy bands), you know the one.
we showed up at the reception a little late but still had to wait well over an hour for the speeches to be done so we sat in the bar downstairs:
and here's a picture of carly with the ball girls:
j pulled out all the stops and danced like a mad man:
he even convinced graham to go along with him. crazies. though i might have danced a little crazy too. and someone might have called us wedding crashers.
but this is my favourite picture from the night:
the boys mimicking that beer commercial (fake boy bands), you know the one.
Thursday, August 24
cake!
i got home from work yesterday and promptly went out and bought a cake mix. got home, mixed up the cake, baked and ran over to alan and sylvia's place where we ate said cake and talked like 4 people who haven't seen each other in 4 months. oh right, that's because we hadn't seen each other in that long. sad. so sad.
but the cake was good.
and here's a picture of sylvia opening her present:
in other news, the big dodgeball tournament was today at lunch. yes, at work. it was a wonky double knockout format where we were out after winning our first game and losing our second. so really, we got two games, win or lose, but some teams got more. who knows. it was fun though. and j came over from his building and met some of my coworkers. they thought he was cute.
but the cake was good.
and here's a picture of sylvia opening her present:
in other news, the big dodgeball tournament was today at lunch. yes, at work. it was a wonky double knockout format where we were out after winning our first game and losing our second. so really, we got two games, win or lose, but some teams got more. who knows. it was fun though. and j came over from his building and met some of my coworkers. they thought he was cute.
Wednesday, August 23
on cheap things
i've been thinking lately about cheap things: things that don't cost what they should, things that aren't constructed well or things that use crappy materials. why do we (and when i say "we" i mean "me") buy these things? i am, or was, the biggest culprit but here's my story.
growing up we never had a lot of money so i learned early on what it meant to save money and what it meant to eat grilled cheese sandwiches 5 nights out of 7. though this didn't much bother me since i love grilled cheese sandwiches, but you get my point. i knew what it meant to have to miss the class ski trip or not join a whole course in high school (outdoor ed) because of lack of money.
my parents are not to blame however. my brother and i turned out completely different. we both knew that money was tight yet i was more conscious of my choices while he went on all the ski trips and continues to ask my parents for money (he's 24). but i digress, my parents are not to blame. they put me in every organized sport/activity that i wanted to try including and in order: baseball, gymnastics, soccer, ballet, football, brownies and later beavers, and hockey. they let me play every sport in highschool knowing that i would incur extra costs due to travel and tournaments and uniforms and equipment. where the money came into play was the quality of my equipment which was always second-hand, and our accomodations, which were almost always second-class.
not having a lot of money growing up didn't affect me much. there was even one point where we didn't have cable tv because we couldn't afford it. did i mind? not so much. we still got enough channels to watch some tv. we weren't inside for long anyways.
back to cheap things. due to the lack of money growing up i am always searching for ways to save money. i cut coupons and buy things on sale or at the dollar store. i don't buy the fancy clothes or shoes that everyone else is wearing. i drove a beat up old car and ate kraft dinner through all of university. and then i met j. he was brought up much the same way i was, money was tight but it hardly affected his or his sister's lives. but he still has an eye for nice things. quality things.
let me give you an example: every year i would buy a backpack for school. why every year you ask? because the cheap one i bought for last year was already falling apart and could hardly carry my books. so slowly, with j's influence i have been buying not-so-cheap things. i bought a more expensive backpack a couple of years ago and have been using it ever since. i started getting my hair cut at a hairdresser. there are other things but i won't take up too much of your time.
slowly, my mindset has evolved. i now expect quality and will pay extra to get it. we drive a brand new car and expect it to start every time we turn the key. we are still compulsive savers and don't spend much. we stayed with another couple in the hotel at provincials to save costs and hardly turn on our air conditioning. we hardly buy stuff for ourselves and are even forced at some points (eh j? one shirt every month just to keep him in clothes without holes). i find myself less often in the dollar store and more often in regular-priced stores.
all of this to say that this past weekend i bought a new pair of shower sandals. they cost ~$16 more than my previous pair (old pair: $2 from the dollar store, new pair: $18 from bushtakah). i am SO happy with them. they aren't moldy (though i will have to give them some time to be fair to my old pair), the fit my feet and i don't trip when walking through the kitchen in front of 6 people i don't know, and they're green. thank you j for changing my ways and thanks for buying my new sandals.
do i still shop at the dollar store? you bet i do. the dollar store still has a place in my life. where else can you get super cheap candles? where else can you get two chocolate bars for a dollar? and for my shower sandals, i actually bought them because i wanted to try the thong-style sandals. the $2 spent was well worth it. the dollar store allows you to try new things without committing all of your hard-earned money to them, but the dollar store is not the place to buy all your things. i guess that phase of my life has finally passed. i work for a living and am no longer a poor poor student. however, i will still frequent the dollar store when the need arises.
growing up we never had a lot of money so i learned early on what it meant to save money and what it meant to eat grilled cheese sandwiches 5 nights out of 7. though this didn't much bother me since i love grilled cheese sandwiches, but you get my point. i knew what it meant to have to miss the class ski trip or not join a whole course in high school (outdoor ed) because of lack of money.
my parents are not to blame however. my brother and i turned out completely different. we both knew that money was tight yet i was more conscious of my choices while he went on all the ski trips and continues to ask my parents for money (he's 24). but i digress, my parents are not to blame. they put me in every organized sport/activity that i wanted to try including and in order: baseball, gymnastics, soccer, ballet, football, brownies and later beavers, and hockey. they let me play every sport in highschool knowing that i would incur extra costs due to travel and tournaments and uniforms and equipment. where the money came into play was the quality of my equipment which was always second-hand, and our accomodations, which were almost always second-class.
not having a lot of money growing up didn't affect me much. there was even one point where we didn't have cable tv because we couldn't afford it. did i mind? not so much. we still got enough channels to watch some tv. we weren't inside for long anyways.
back to cheap things. due to the lack of money growing up i am always searching for ways to save money. i cut coupons and buy things on sale or at the dollar store. i don't buy the fancy clothes or shoes that everyone else is wearing. i drove a beat up old car and ate kraft dinner through all of university. and then i met j. he was brought up much the same way i was, money was tight but it hardly affected his or his sister's lives. but he still has an eye for nice things. quality things.
let me give you an example: every year i would buy a backpack for school. why every year you ask? because the cheap one i bought for last year was already falling apart and could hardly carry my books. so slowly, with j's influence i have been buying not-so-cheap things. i bought a more expensive backpack a couple of years ago and have been using it ever since. i started getting my hair cut at a hairdresser. there are other things but i won't take up too much of your time.
slowly, my mindset has evolved. i now expect quality and will pay extra to get it. we drive a brand new car and expect it to start every time we turn the key. we are still compulsive savers and don't spend much. we stayed with another couple in the hotel at provincials to save costs and hardly turn on our air conditioning. we hardly buy stuff for ourselves and are even forced at some points (eh j? one shirt every month just to keep him in clothes without holes). i find myself less often in the dollar store and more often in regular-priced stores.
all of this to say that this past weekend i bought a new pair of shower sandals. they cost ~$16 more than my previous pair (old pair: $2 from the dollar store, new pair: $18 from bushtakah). i am SO happy with them. they aren't moldy (though i will have to give them some time to be fair to my old pair), the fit my feet and i don't trip when walking through the kitchen in front of 6 people i don't know, and they're green. thank you j for changing my ways and thanks for buying my new sandals.
do i still shop at the dollar store? you bet i do. the dollar store still has a place in my life. where else can you get super cheap candles? where else can you get two chocolate bars for a dollar? and for my shower sandals, i actually bought them because i wanted to try the thong-style sandals. the $2 spent was well worth it. the dollar store allows you to try new things without committing all of your hard-earned money to them, but the dollar store is not the place to buy all your things. i guess that phase of my life has finally passed. i work for a living and am no longer a poor poor student. however, i will still frequent the dollar store when the need arises.
Tuesday, August 22
catching up
i posted so much last week that i gave you all weekend and yesterday to read it. i'm assuming you're all caught up now so i'm writing more.
first things first: happy birthday carla and sylvia!! i hope you both had great birthdays and ate tons of cake.
baseball season finally done
we had our last game of the season last night. the season should have been done two weeks ago at provincials but the league dragged things out for another while. at least we won, quite handily too, despite having 8 players. i played well but could have played better.
tv season commences
the new season of prison break started last night. we missed it because of the game and need to see it sometime this week, but i'm excited! michael scoffield is, in my opinion, the hottest guy on tv.
house
they dug the hole for our house. next the foundation gets poured.
we also got an update on matt and julie's house (they close in 2 months) - the outside of the house is pretty much finished and so the work will be moving to the interior. they have even picked out their appliances and some furniture.
also, both andi&graham and alan&sylvia have put offers on houses recently. i'm excited that my friends are getting on board with buying houses. next: getting married! you know you want to....
speaking of weddings, we have a wedding to go to saturday, though we were only officially invited to the reception. and it starts at 9pm. not your typical wedding. it's a girl from my ball team. i think i'll go to our street garage sale during the day.
first things first: happy birthday carla and sylvia!! i hope you both had great birthdays and ate tons of cake.
baseball season finally done
we had our last game of the season last night. the season should have been done two weeks ago at provincials but the league dragged things out for another while. at least we won, quite handily too, despite having 8 players. i played well but could have played better.
tv season commences
the new season of prison break started last night. we missed it because of the game and need to see it sometime this week, but i'm excited! michael scoffield is, in my opinion, the hottest guy on tv.
house
they dug the hole for our house. next the foundation gets poured.
we also got an update on matt and julie's house (they close in 2 months) - the outside of the house is pretty much finished and so the work will be moving to the interior. they have even picked out their appliances and some furniture.
also, both andi&graham and alan&sylvia have put offers on houses recently. i'm excited that my friends are getting on board with buying houses. next: getting married! you know you want to....
speaking of weddings, we have a wedding to go to saturday, though we were only officially invited to the reception. and it starts at 9pm. not your typical wedding. it's a girl from my ball team. i think i'll go to our street garage sale during the day.
Friday, August 18
(almost) forgotten tales from farm boy
i meant to tell these stories to j last night but that was before i knew he out was out seriously getting drunk and wouldn't be home until 8. on a school night. so instead i'm telling you all.
like i said in my last post, i went to farm boy yesterday. like i also said in my last post, i had gotten enough sleep the night before so i was less impatient than normal. i was actually surprised at my restraint when not one, not two, but three (!) men in work clothes got in my way over and over and over (cause there were three of them) at farm boy.
without one word of a lie the "leader" was walking in front of the other two, all three with those little metal hand-held baskets, pointing out the various sections.
leader: *stops directly in front of me and points* this is where all the vegetables are.
other 2: oh....
me: *going around, not yet annoyed*
leader: *hurries up and gets in my way again and points to the meat section* and this is where you get your meat.
other 2: *still seemingly not overly offended but captain obvious* oh...
me: *getting miffed. i decide to let them get ahead of me*
leader: *stops half-way through section and points* this part of the meat section is all chicken!
me: *wtf?* get out of my f***ing way!!! *shakes fist angrily**
* no fist shaking actually occured, no profanities were spoken out loud
this happens a couple more times. in the fruit section and the milk/eggs section. batman keeps her cool and her sanity by rolling her eyes and wondering about the odd threesome.
later...
leader: see, they even have a bread section!
me: *running down the leader with my cart, laughing hysterically* -- i wish.
me thinking: why the hell are these guys always in my way? why the hell are they shopping together like the other 2 have never seen the inside of a grocery store before? why is the leader pointing out all the sections? and why are they always in my way?
by this time i was beelining towards the cash hoping not to run into the three stooges again. it would have been much better if someone else had noticed, but i was left making faces and shaking my head at myself. but my restraint was in top form: i didn't even politely ask them to kindly not stop in the middle of the aisle. no. i just went about my own shopping.
and that concludes tale #1. there is a tale #2, but it has nothing to do with me showcasing any restraint. farm boy has this little idea that shopping carts must not enter the parking lot so they have geniously stopped this by placing huge steel barricades just outside the doors. i can fit through quite easily, my cart, not so much.
side story: i had the misfortune of finding this out on a solo shopping trip last october (i remember it was october because i bought two pumpkins - remember this for later) when i had a huge cart full of grocery goodness and i get outside trying to remember where i parked when i ran into the barricade with the cart. what? i can't take this to my car? okay, i'll just leave all my newly-bought food here unattended for anyone and everyone to take. i look in the cart and think to myself, hey, maybe i can carry it all, so i start grabbing plastic bags. then i saw the pumpkins. there's no way. so i ran with my hands full of bags, groceries banging against my legs, to the car, got everything in and raced back for my pumpkins. thankfully they were still there, but to this day, i still don't like the farm boy keep-all-the-carts-out-of-the-parking-lot nonsense. now, back to the real story.
so after i paid i pushed my cart towards the cart line-up area, stop, and am grabbing my plastic bags. an older man does the same thing but is heading to the door well before me. i say to him: wow, you're much faster than i am. he says: i've got less than you, and walks away. before he gets to the doors, he turns around, smiles at me, and says something to the effect that i'm smiling so he's sure that i've had a good day. i say something about the work day being done and that was enough to smile about (getting enough sleep does wonders, i'm telling you). then he thanks me for letting him see my smile because i have such a beautiful smile.
i smile again and walk to my car thinking that i'm glad to have made him happy, but at the same time i'm kinda creeped out because an older man was out shopping by himself and liked my smile. ick. i'm just going to tell myself that he wasn't creepy but nice.
and those are my two tales. have a great weekend!
like i said in my last post, i went to farm boy yesterday. like i also said in my last post, i had gotten enough sleep the night before so i was less impatient than normal. i was actually surprised at my restraint when not one, not two, but three (!) men in work clothes got in my way over and over and over (cause there were three of them) at farm boy.
without one word of a lie the "leader" was walking in front of the other two, all three with those little metal hand-held baskets, pointing out the various sections.
leader: *stops directly in front of me and points* this is where all the vegetables are.
other 2: oh....
me: *going around, not yet annoyed*
leader: *hurries up and gets in my way again and points to the meat section* and this is where you get your meat.
other 2: *still seemingly not overly offended but captain obvious* oh...
me: *getting miffed. i decide to let them get ahead of me*
leader: *stops half-way through section and points* this part of the meat section is all chicken!
me: *wtf?* get out of my f***ing way!!! *shakes fist angrily**
* no fist shaking actually occured, no profanities were spoken out loud
this happens a couple more times. in the fruit section and the milk/eggs section. batman keeps her cool and her sanity by rolling her eyes and wondering about the odd threesome.
later...
leader: see, they even have a bread section!
me: *running down the leader with my cart, laughing hysterically* -- i wish.
me thinking: why the hell are these guys always in my way? why the hell are they shopping together like the other 2 have never seen the inside of a grocery store before? why is the leader pointing out all the sections? and why are they always in my way?
by this time i was beelining towards the cash hoping not to run into the three stooges again. it would have been much better if someone else had noticed, but i was left making faces and shaking my head at myself. but my restraint was in top form: i didn't even politely ask them to kindly not stop in the middle of the aisle. no. i just went about my own shopping.
and that concludes tale #1. there is a tale #2, but it has nothing to do with me showcasing any restraint. farm boy has this little idea that shopping carts must not enter the parking lot so they have geniously stopped this by placing huge steel barricades just outside the doors. i can fit through quite easily, my cart, not so much.
side story: i had the misfortune of finding this out on a solo shopping trip last october (i remember it was october because i bought two pumpkins - remember this for later) when i had a huge cart full of grocery goodness and i get outside trying to remember where i parked when i ran into the barricade with the cart. what? i can't take this to my car? okay, i'll just leave all my newly-bought food here unattended for anyone and everyone to take. i look in the cart and think to myself, hey, maybe i can carry it all, so i start grabbing plastic bags. then i saw the pumpkins. there's no way. so i ran with my hands full of bags, groceries banging against my legs, to the car, got everything in and raced back for my pumpkins. thankfully they were still there, but to this day, i still don't like the farm boy keep-all-the-carts-out-of-the-parking-lot nonsense. now, back to the real story.
so after i paid i pushed my cart towards the cart line-up area, stop, and am grabbing my plastic bags. an older man does the same thing but is heading to the door well before me. i say to him: wow, you're much faster than i am. he says: i've got less than you, and walks away. before he gets to the doors, he turns around, smiles at me, and says something to the effect that i'm smiling so he's sure that i've had a good day. i say something about the work day being done and that was enough to smile about (getting enough sleep does wonders, i'm telling you). then he thanks me for letting him see my smile because i have such a beautiful smile.
i smile again and walk to my car thinking that i'm glad to have made him happy, but at the same time i'm kinda creeped out because an older man was out shopping by himself and liked my smile. ick. i'm just going to tell myself that he wasn't creepy but nice.
and those are my two tales. have a great weekend!
maybe you didn't know?
last night, my friends, i was the ultimate housewife... minus the baking. so maybe not "ultimate" at all, maybe just "great" or "awesome" or "amazing".
get this: i got home from work and showered (i don't always shower after work because some nights i have baseball or go to the gym and showering three times a day can't be good for your skin) and then did all sorts of domestic things. i went to two grocery stores (farm boy has a much better selection of everything fresh) and bought all sorts of food. then i got home, started the laundry and cleaned up (including dishes and general tidying - oh! s! we have a pile of your stuff in the dining room), and started cooking. peppers were on sale at farm boy so i bought 12 (we really like peppers) and cut them all up all while frying ground turkey for spaghetti. i managed to keep the cats at bay and got all the peppers cut up, the ground turkey cooked and the sauce made, the pasta cooked, cheese shredded ("j's invention" - he didn't really come up with it but he likes it so much that he's claimed it as his own creation - shredded real cheese on pasta instead of stinky parmesan, try it), garlic bread heated, laundry done, dishes done, and s's pile made.
j gets home after being out all afternoon. no lie. all afternoon. they went out for lunch and never went back. their table went through 15 pitchers. anyways, he gets home a little drunk but was really good about helping me pull everything together and being really thankful that he has such a domesticated family (our cats wouldn't survive an afternoon in the wild). he said i was the best wifey ever.
and now we have 9 peppers all cut up ready to eat. this is our attempt at getting more veggies in our diet. i still have to chop up the broccoli i bought (broccoli tastes best with dip in my opinion) but there's no more laundry and the house is relatively clean.
see what i can do when i get enough sleep? i've been so peppy this week and adventurous and obviously industrious. i even had the best catch of my life at my game the other night. oh, and my batting slump is officially over - i went 2 for 3.
and the moral of the story is that this girl thrives on sleep and can be domestic when the mood hits.
get this: i got home from work and showered (i don't always shower after work because some nights i have baseball or go to the gym and showering three times a day can't be good for your skin) and then did all sorts of domestic things. i went to two grocery stores (farm boy has a much better selection of everything fresh) and bought all sorts of food. then i got home, started the laundry and cleaned up (including dishes and general tidying - oh! s! we have a pile of your stuff in the dining room), and started cooking. peppers were on sale at farm boy so i bought 12 (we really like peppers) and cut them all up all while frying ground turkey for spaghetti. i managed to keep the cats at bay and got all the peppers cut up, the ground turkey cooked and the sauce made, the pasta cooked, cheese shredded ("j's invention" - he didn't really come up with it but he likes it so much that he's claimed it as his own creation - shredded real cheese on pasta instead of stinky parmesan, try it), garlic bread heated, laundry done, dishes done, and s's pile made.
j gets home after being out all afternoon. no lie. all afternoon. they went out for lunch and never went back. their table went through 15 pitchers. anyways, he gets home a little drunk but was really good about helping me pull everything together and being really thankful that he has such a domesticated family (our cats wouldn't survive an afternoon in the wild). he said i was the best wifey ever.
and now we have 9 peppers all cut up ready to eat. this is our attempt at getting more veggies in our diet. i still have to chop up the broccoli i bought (broccoli tastes best with dip in my opinion) but there's no more laundry and the house is relatively clean.
see what i can do when i get enough sleep? i've been so peppy this week and adventurous and obviously industrious. i even had the best catch of my life at my game the other night. oh, and my batting slump is officially over - i went 2 for 3.
and the moral of the story is that this girl thrives on sleep and can be domestic when the mood hits.
Wednesday, August 16
picture update
here's a shot of the sock wool i bought and will be knitting up this fall:
and here's a shot of the silver medal we won at provincials:
and here's a shot of the silver medal we won at provincials:
me.me.ME!
i've known this about myself for a long time but i wanted to share. i would rather wait for someone than have them wait for me. i hate making people wait for me.
this came up this morning when i was walking down the hall towards the shower room and someone behind me caught my attention. it was another woman, don't know her name, who showers in the morning at work. i've seen her twice before, but this is the first time i've arrived at the same time as her, or anyone else for that matter. so we get in the shower room and we're both in front of the door leading to the shower part of the room when she asks, okay, who goes?
i'm thinking: well, i was in front of you so technically it should be me.
i say: it doesn't matter to me.
she goes in. i go and sit in the hallway. there was no point going back up to my office so i busted out my cellphone, ruby, and looked through my address book making changes where needed. after about 10 minutes she came out and i was able to go in. was i mad that i had to wait? absolutely not. i would much rather have waited those ten minutes than showered knowing she was outside pacing waiting for me to finish.
even though i know that all i have to do is lather up. some mornings i wash my hair as well but this was not one of those mornings. lather up and leave. and i would rather let her go in front of me.
and this extends to other areas of my life. another somewhat strange example is from baseball. when i was younger i wanted to pitch. i got half decent (i.e. stopped throwing the ball over the backstop at least once a game) but hated that the whole tempo of the game rode on me. how quickly it took me to throw the next pitch. there's no way in my mind it was okay for me to take my time. no way. people were waiting!
is this a sickness?
i have no more clearcut examples, nothing obvious that comes to mind. but i know there are so many things that i do just to not get in the way of other people. i go out of my way to not inconvenience other people.
this may be why i hate confrontations. i do. i hardly ever fight with people i know, and when i do it eats me up inside. it consumes me until i make it right.
also, i hate it when people get in your way because they don't know you're there. you know, the oblivious-to-the-world-around-them people. the people who cut you off and don't even see you giving them the finger (another thing i never do.. well, i did once but felt so bad about it i never did it again. for real.) or the people who let the door slam behind them. in.your.face. those people.
and sometimes i'm that oblivious person and i feel terrible! you know when you're walking in a crowd and the person/people in front of you stop dead or are looking at something and are walking incredibly slow but are still completely in your way? well, i do that sometimes. but i feel bad when i do.
the moral of this post? i think it's time for me to worry about me. i'm going to make a conscious effort to go against the grain (the grain that is me) and do things for me, not entirely without concern for others, but with not as much concern for others. i'm going to tell that woman that it's my turn to shower! i'm going to do something just for me (watch out waistline - that means double chocolate cake! a whole cake in one sitting!) i'm going to go out and spend some money on something that i want!
look at me all empowered. i'm going to come back to you in a week or a month or even a year and tell you how i failed. how this me-ness is so completely part of who i am, it's not only in my fibres, it IS my fibres, that i couldn't do it. i just couldn't do it.
this came up this morning when i was walking down the hall towards the shower room and someone behind me caught my attention. it was another woman, don't know her name, who showers in the morning at work. i've seen her twice before, but this is the first time i've arrived at the same time as her, or anyone else for that matter. so we get in the shower room and we're both in front of the door leading to the shower part of the room when she asks, okay, who goes?
i'm thinking: well, i was in front of you so technically it should be me.
i say: it doesn't matter to me.
she goes in. i go and sit in the hallway. there was no point going back up to my office so i busted out my cellphone, ruby, and looked through my address book making changes where needed. after about 10 minutes she came out and i was able to go in. was i mad that i had to wait? absolutely not. i would much rather have waited those ten minutes than showered knowing she was outside pacing waiting for me to finish.
even though i know that all i have to do is lather up. some mornings i wash my hair as well but this was not one of those mornings. lather up and leave. and i would rather let her go in front of me.
and this extends to other areas of my life. another somewhat strange example is from baseball. when i was younger i wanted to pitch. i got half decent (i.e. stopped throwing the ball over the backstop at least once a game) but hated that the whole tempo of the game rode on me. how quickly it took me to throw the next pitch. there's no way in my mind it was okay for me to take my time. no way. people were waiting!
is this a sickness?
i have no more clearcut examples, nothing obvious that comes to mind. but i know there are so many things that i do just to not get in the way of other people. i go out of my way to not inconvenience other people.
this may be why i hate confrontations. i do. i hardly ever fight with people i know, and when i do it eats me up inside. it consumes me until i make it right.
also, i hate it when people get in your way because they don't know you're there. you know, the oblivious-to-the-world-around-them people. the people who cut you off and don't even see you giving them the finger (another thing i never do.. well, i did once but felt so bad about it i never did it again. for real.) or the people who let the door slam behind them. in.your.face. those people.
and sometimes i'm that oblivious person and i feel terrible! you know when you're walking in a crowd and the person/people in front of you stop dead or are looking at something and are walking incredibly slow but are still completely in your way? well, i do that sometimes. but i feel bad when i do.
the moral of this post? i think it's time for me to worry about me. i'm going to make a conscious effort to go against the grain (the grain that is me) and do things for me, not entirely without concern for others, but with not as much concern for others. i'm going to tell that woman that it's my turn to shower! i'm going to do something just for me (watch out waistline - that means double chocolate cake! a whole cake in one sitting!) i'm going to go out and spend some money on something that i want!
look at me all empowered. i'm going to come back to you in a week or a month or even a year and tell you how i failed. how this me-ness is so completely part of who i am, it's not only in my fibres, it IS my fibres, that i couldn't do it. i just couldn't do it.
Monday, August 14
i nap and then i nap some more
this weekend we spent a lot of time at home cleaning/organizing/throwing things out and out looking at things for the house. we went to rona and eq3 friday night and home depot saturday. we're most interested at this point in light fixtures (we went with all the standards and will be changing a few fixtures almost immediately), bathroom things (we had them not put in any mirrors or fixtures in all three bathrooms), appliances (stove and dishwasher are at the top of the list, but washer and dryer are still up there. we already have the fridge), and dining room table. we get a discount at the brick and the bay so if we can find everything we need at those two stores then we'll be set. if not, it's not the end of the world, just isn't ideal.
saturday i broke down and went to a yarn store. i went to yarn forward in the glebe and bought enough yarn for a pair of socks and some teeny needles. the pattern was free and has some things in it that i don't understand and my knitting bible doesn't explain. i'm going to charge through it and hope for the best. there will be pictures!
saturday night we went out for dinner with richard in westboro at a little pub. the food wasn't awesome but it wasn't bad. afterwards, we picked up vlatko and hung out like old times (ie. in our basement watching snl and mad tv and laughing about times past).
sunday, we made it to the gym. i ran about 4k, half of it on a very steep incline, which felt a lot like running in dreams (you know, when you're being chased and you can't seem to run fast at all.. or is it just me with that as my recurring-nightmare theme?) and then i worked out my arms and legs and abs. now that baseball is (almost) done i'll be at the gym more often. i really miss my tai chi/ pilates/ yoga class, aka body flow.
oh, in the spirit of all of our house cleaning we will have lots of stuff that we no longer want. j is not a fan of garage sales and i'm not a big fan of throwing away perfectly good stuff so i'll be posting pictures here and there of things that we'll be giving away/ selling. sarah gets first dibs, but after it clears her you'll get a shot at it too.
saturday i broke down and went to a yarn store. i went to yarn forward in the glebe and bought enough yarn for a pair of socks and some teeny needles. the pattern was free and has some things in it that i don't understand and my knitting bible doesn't explain. i'm going to charge through it and hope for the best. there will be pictures!
saturday night we went out for dinner with richard in westboro at a little pub. the food wasn't awesome but it wasn't bad. afterwards, we picked up vlatko and hung out like old times (ie. in our basement watching snl and mad tv and laughing about times past).
sunday, we made it to the gym. i ran about 4k, half of it on a very steep incline, which felt a lot like running in dreams (you know, when you're being chased and you can't seem to run fast at all.. or is it just me with that as my recurring-nightmare theme?) and then i worked out my arms and legs and abs. now that baseball is (almost) done i'll be at the gym more often. i really miss my tai chi/ pilates/ yoga class, aka body flow.
oh, in the spirit of all of our house cleaning we will have lots of stuff that we no longer want. j is not a fan of garage sales and i'm not a big fan of throwing away perfectly good stuff so i'll be posting pictures here and there of things that we'll be giving away/ selling. sarah gets first dibs, but after it clears her you'll get a shot at it too.
Friday, August 11
more work info, because it's my life
i've been having these killer headaches all week and what better to add to my troubles than being hit by a car?? yep, that would have sucked. i bring it up because it was close: i was almost creamed by an old-man car - you know, a big buick - in a parking lot we cruise through between home and work. that's the second time i can remember since i started biking to work that i've almost been hit. i guess that's not a terrible record.
i've had some questions about my new job so i thought i would describe some of the things i'm doing so you get a better idea of how i spend 8 hours a day. every day. all week long. does it ever bother you that you spend more time working every day than doing everything else. the only thing that comes close is sleeping, on a good night that is.
okay work. so my group is called the pesticide management regulatory agency, or pmra for short, and is part of health canada. it's one of the very few government departments that actually hire biologists and i got this job through the whole competition process. on my own. the only other jobs i've gotten on my own are pizza pizza and subway, and well, you can tell why. hello fast food.
my actual title is assistant screening officer. i work for the screening group and we screen applications for pesticides. when i say pesticides that can be anything from a brand new active ingredient (poison) and new end-use product (what you buy in the store), an amendment to an existing product, a change to the label on a product, and tons of other stuff. my group takes all these submissions and checks that they will be able to move on through the process. that means they have to have all the correct forms filled out properly, the correct fees, and the relevant data.
one of the great things is that every submission is different and almost all submissions have some sort of issue (wrong fee, wrong data, whatever) so i foresee myself not getting bored with the job for a while. don't get me wrong though, a lot of the work is the same for every submission: the same things have to be checked and the same forms have to be created and filled.
on the personal side of work, the screening group has about a dozen people and everyone seems really nice. no one is super old - i would be surprised if my boss was already in her 30s. the building is an older building, not a tower like i'm used to, but close to home, close to j and has lots of green space around it with tons of picnic tables and trees. there is a huge parking lot across the street with cheapcheapcheap parking that i will be taking advantage of during the winter months (starting in october or november) that will be especially nice once we move. for right now, there are bike racks right outside the front door and one shower room, surprisingly underused, with lockers and everything. i use the hand dryer to dry my hair.
i'm here until next july on this term but am hoping that either i get extended or they make me indeterminant. i can see myself working here for the long term. so far everything is good and if i hadn't spent two years looking for a job like this it would be perfect, but two years really isn't all that long when i was employed for all but 4 months of that time, and that was by choice. it's nice to have the security (and sick/vacation pay) that a term position allows for the next year. i would still call this job ideal. i don't know what would make it better.
i've had some questions about my new job so i thought i would describe some of the things i'm doing so you get a better idea of how i spend 8 hours a day. every day. all week long. does it ever bother you that you spend more time working every day than doing everything else. the only thing that comes close is sleeping, on a good night that is.
okay work. so my group is called the pesticide management regulatory agency, or pmra for short, and is part of health canada. it's one of the very few government departments that actually hire biologists and i got this job through the whole competition process. on my own. the only other jobs i've gotten on my own are pizza pizza and subway, and well, you can tell why. hello fast food.
my actual title is assistant screening officer. i work for the screening group and we screen applications for pesticides. when i say pesticides that can be anything from a brand new active ingredient (poison) and new end-use product (what you buy in the store), an amendment to an existing product, a change to the label on a product, and tons of other stuff. my group takes all these submissions and checks that they will be able to move on through the process. that means they have to have all the correct forms filled out properly, the correct fees, and the relevant data.
one of the great things is that every submission is different and almost all submissions have some sort of issue (wrong fee, wrong data, whatever) so i foresee myself not getting bored with the job for a while. don't get me wrong though, a lot of the work is the same for every submission: the same things have to be checked and the same forms have to be created and filled.
on the personal side of work, the screening group has about a dozen people and everyone seems really nice. no one is super old - i would be surprised if my boss was already in her 30s. the building is an older building, not a tower like i'm used to, but close to home, close to j and has lots of green space around it with tons of picnic tables and trees. there is a huge parking lot across the street with cheapcheapcheap parking that i will be taking advantage of during the winter months (starting in october or november) that will be especially nice once we move. for right now, there are bike racks right outside the front door and one shower room, surprisingly underused, with lockers and everything. i use the hand dryer to dry my hair.
i'm here until next july on this term but am hoping that either i get extended or they make me indeterminant. i can see myself working here for the long term. so far everything is good and if i hadn't spent two years looking for a job like this it would be perfect, but two years really isn't all that long when i was employed for all but 4 months of that time, and that was by choice. it's nice to have the security (and sick/vacation pay) that a term position allows for the next year. i would still call this job ideal. i don't know what would make it better.
Thursday, August 10
mild migraines
is there such a thing as a mild migraine or does the word "migraine" imply that what you're experiencing is in no way mild?
maybe i should change the title of my post to "huge headaches". since thursday i have been having mild migraines/huge headaches. i have also been trying to ignore a very sore throat for the past week. maybe the headaches are related... or maybe they are related to the fact that it's almost my "time of the month" (definite over-share).
to those people who do suffer full-on migraines, i am SO sorry. and i'm not talking about the self-inflicted head-pounding after a night of one too many bottles of wine (from what i've been told anyway...), i'm talking about the un-provoked, seering pain that is your head. how long do migraines normally last? do drugs help (advil? tylenol? extra-strength-all-of-the-above cocktail?)
i'm lucky that i'm still functioning, not that the drugs seem to be helping much. i've always said that i would take more sick days as soon as i got a job with paid sick leave. well, now i have one, and i'm scared to take my sick days because you have to accumulate them. i get my first 1.25 days sometime this week. yippee. i like to think i have a pretty high tolerance for pain so i'll tough it out and complain to everyone who reads this blog.
in other news - yes, i have news - j and i have the house to ourselves again. s moved out yesterday, cat and all. the cat i will not miss. i still can't believe that she never warmed up to me. i'm a cat person! cats like me without me having to do anything. this cat, not so much. i could simply look in her general direction and she would growl. but enough about her, s, if you're reading this, please don't take it the wrong way, but i'm very glad to have my house back to normal. i didn't realize how [difficult/hard/weird/pick something] it would be having another person in the house after having lived alone for so long. thankfully you didn't act like a guest because that would have been a whole nother situation.
s, we're happy you found a place and won't be giving out your new phone number (but will tell some key annoying people that you have moved) or anything silly like that. don't be a stranger.
maybe i should change the title of my post to "huge headaches". since thursday i have been having mild migraines/huge headaches. i have also been trying to ignore a very sore throat for the past week. maybe the headaches are related... or maybe they are related to the fact that it's almost my "time of the month" (definite over-share).
to those people who do suffer full-on migraines, i am SO sorry. and i'm not talking about the self-inflicted head-pounding after a night of one too many bottles of wine (from what i've been told anyway...), i'm talking about the un-provoked, seering pain that is your head. how long do migraines normally last? do drugs help (advil? tylenol? extra-strength-all-of-the-above cocktail?)
i'm lucky that i'm still functioning, not that the drugs seem to be helping much. i've always said that i would take more sick days as soon as i got a job with paid sick leave. well, now i have one, and i'm scared to take my sick days because you have to accumulate them. i get my first 1.25 days sometime this week. yippee. i like to think i have a pretty high tolerance for pain so i'll tough it out and complain to everyone who reads this blog.
in other news - yes, i have news - j and i have the house to ourselves again. s moved out yesterday, cat and all. the cat i will not miss. i still can't believe that she never warmed up to me. i'm a cat person! cats like me without me having to do anything. this cat, not so much. i could simply look in her general direction and she would growl. but enough about her, s, if you're reading this, please don't take it the wrong way, but i'm very glad to have my house back to normal. i didn't realize how [difficult/hard/weird/pick something] it would be having another person in the house after having lived alone for so long. thankfully you didn't act like a guest because that would have been a whole nother situation.
s, we're happy you found a place and won't be giving out your new phone number (but will tell some key annoying people that you have moved) or anything silly like that. don't be a stranger.
Tuesday, August 8
big baseball bonanza
this weekend was our provincials in st. catharines. i feel like i've posted a lot about it so i'll get down to the details. we left friday morning, me, j, big t and p, all in our little car. we were packed full, but not uncomfortably so. after a quick stop at the toronto airport we made it to our hotel, checked in, and walked over to a restaurant and then to the diamonds to watch the night games.
almost the whole team was out that night and we had a good time making fun of one of the coaches from another team. everyone seemed pretty relaxed.
saturday morning we played at 9 and beat the team 4-0, townsend maybe. and with that win we secured a medal - the great thing about a double-knockout tournament with only 6 teams when you have a by. we were very excited. food and napping followed before we took the field again and again beat our opponents, but only because they made costly errors. we were off to the gold medal game undefeated!
saturday night was team dinner and gossip-fest. the sleep saturday night was much better than friday night because the air was left on a much warmer setting.
sunday morning we were up earlier than needed to pack everything up and get to the diamonds early. the two teams we had played saturday were playing to decide who got to play us for the gold medal. belleville won. and then belleville pounded us two games in a row to take the gold. we were left with the silver.
i think everyone was happy with how we played and happy with the silver. note the shark fins in the picture.. that's what those are.
our fun didn't end there though. 8 of us made our way to niagara falls and spent about 5 hours exploring the falls and the vegas-like strip. everything is overpriced there and we ended up spending way more money in those 5 hours than the rest of the weekend.
we left niagara falls just before 8pm and made it home just before 2am. poor t had to work the next morning. the rest of us were able to sleep in and recover from an exhausting weekend.
j and i made our way to my parents place to see my brother and his girlfriend for a bit. the rest of the day was spent doing laundry and cleaning. we got groceries and went to check on our new house (still nothing, but in the past month they have started the block of 6 townhouses beside us and now have the frames up). the cats were super happy to have us home.
almost the whole team was out that night and we had a good time making fun of one of the coaches from another team. everyone seemed pretty relaxed.
saturday morning we played at 9 and beat the team 4-0, townsend maybe. and with that win we secured a medal - the great thing about a double-knockout tournament with only 6 teams when you have a by. we were very excited. food and napping followed before we took the field again and again beat our opponents, but only because they made costly errors. we were off to the gold medal game undefeated!
saturday night was team dinner and gossip-fest. the sleep saturday night was much better than friday night because the air was left on a much warmer setting.
sunday morning we were up earlier than needed to pack everything up and get to the diamonds early. the two teams we had played saturday were playing to decide who got to play us for the gold medal. belleville won. and then belleville pounded us two games in a row to take the gold. we were left with the silver.
i think everyone was happy with how we played and happy with the silver. note the shark fins in the picture.. that's what those are.
our fun didn't end there though. 8 of us made our way to niagara falls and spent about 5 hours exploring the falls and the vegas-like strip. everything is overpriced there and we ended up spending way more money in those 5 hours than the rest of the weekend.
we left niagara falls just before 8pm and made it home just before 2am. poor t had to work the next morning. the rest of us were able to sleep in and recover from an exhausting weekend.
j and i made our way to my parents place to see my brother and his girlfriend for a bit. the rest of the day was spent doing laundry and cleaning. we got groceries and went to check on our new house (still nothing, but in the past month they have started the block of 6 townhouses beside us and now have the frames up). the cats were super happy to have us home.
Thursday, August 3
a word of advice
i have some advice for all you out there reading my blog, especially those who know me in person, this is for you:
~ live and let live ~
i'm tired of being caught in the middle of senseless, useless, seemingly endless fights. i hate having to listen to your sometimes unkind words and your frustrations and then having to lend a sympathetic ear to your nemesis (pl = nemesii?). i'm in the middle and i don't like it!
why can't you all just be happy with who you are and be happy with who everyone else is? just live your own life and try not to concern yourself with what other people are doing/thinking/whatever.
i would much rather you talk to me about celebrity gossip, which i gave up for lent let me remind you, than listen to you bad-talk the people you love. so stop it!
~ live and let live ~
i'm tired of being caught in the middle of senseless, useless, seemingly endless fights. i hate having to listen to your sometimes unkind words and your frustrations and then having to lend a sympathetic ear to your nemesis (pl = nemesii?). i'm in the middle and i don't like it!
why can't you all just be happy with who you are and be happy with who everyone else is? just live your own life and try not to concern yourself with what other people are doing/thinking/whatever.
i would much rather you talk to me about celebrity gossip, which i gave up for lent let me remind you, than listen to you bad-talk the people you love. so stop it!
Wednesday, August 2
recovery possible?
two nights ago during the storm the power went off long enough to reset all of our clocks. i woke up yesterday morning without an alarm and was fine. last night i set my alarm and go to bed. apparently when your clock gets reset the time the alarm is to go off gets reset too - and i probably should have known this. i was all alone last night and ended up going to bed around 11:30. i fell asleep pretty quickly only to be jolted awake at midnight by my alarm.
in a panic - my alarm makes me panic and that's why normally j wakes me up - i turned off my alarm. i didn't just hit the snooze button, i flat out turned it off.
fast forward to about 5 am. rolo decides it's high time to digdigdig. this is a good way for me to lose a bunch of sleep and when i was just about to get up and lock him out, sandy too based on precedent, her being a cat and all, he fell asleep on my head. better than having him dig.
i was wondering if i would ever fall back to sleep when i woke up. i looked over at my alarm clock, which was simply a clock at this point, me having turned off the alarm function about 8 hours ago. that's right, it was 8 am. i'm normally at work at 8 or just after.
so i get up and concede to being late on my second week of work. hey, i've already asked for a day off, is being late really going to rock the boat? i make it into work for 8:30, showered and settled in by 9. not terrible and no one noticed. not bad.
but my question for you is this: after having a pretty lousy sleep can you recover enough to have a good day? or are you doomed to being a cranky snot-face all day? how do you feel after you haven't slept well? does your lack of sleep make its way into every aspect of your day?
i personally feel fine. my mood today wasn't affected, but i find that my body is much less tolerant to those nights that i don't get enough sleep than it used to be, possibly because i was a much better napper in university. also, when you're in university you might not have classes in the afternoon or you might not go to your afternoon classes.
all that to say that i'm tired but not cranky today. and i have lots of work to do so the day should go by quickly. i just wish i had kevin here. he's my ipod and keeps me from going crazy from lack of music.
in a panic - my alarm makes me panic and that's why normally j wakes me up - i turned off my alarm. i didn't just hit the snooze button, i flat out turned it off.
fast forward to about 5 am. rolo decides it's high time to digdigdig. this is a good way for me to lose a bunch of sleep and when i was just about to get up and lock him out, sandy too based on precedent, her being a cat and all, he fell asleep on my head. better than having him dig.
i was wondering if i would ever fall back to sleep when i woke up. i looked over at my alarm clock, which was simply a clock at this point, me having turned off the alarm function about 8 hours ago. that's right, it was 8 am. i'm normally at work at 8 or just after.
so i get up and concede to being late on my second week of work. hey, i've already asked for a day off, is being late really going to rock the boat? i make it into work for 8:30, showered and settled in by 9. not terrible and no one noticed. not bad.
but my question for you is this: after having a pretty lousy sleep can you recover enough to have a good day? or are you doomed to being a cranky snot-face all day? how do you feel after you haven't slept well? does your lack of sleep make its way into every aspect of your day?
i personally feel fine. my mood today wasn't affected, but i find that my body is much less tolerant to those nights that i don't get enough sleep than it used to be, possibly because i was a much better napper in university. also, when you're in university you might not have classes in the afternoon or you might not go to your afternoon classes.
all that to say that i'm tired but not cranky today. and i have lots of work to do so the day should go by quickly. i just wish i had kevin here. he's my ipod and keeps me from going crazy from lack of music.
Tuesday, August 1
posting from work, how i've missed you
like the title says, i can post from work. i tried logging in last week some time and it wouldn't let me but i'm guessing that was the time when the internet was down and i couldn't access even google.
-- this is batman at work. this is batman posting from work. --
funny story: this morning when s and i were leaving the house we noticed the garbage can had been knocked over and opened. there were a couple of pieces of old banana bread on the driveway. i'm picking them up when s says "i guess the critter didn't much like that" and i asked her how she could tell thinking that the fact that it wasn't all eaten was a good indication. oh no, there was puke on the driveway just out of my field of view. puke! whatever had gotten into the garbage really didn't like my banana bread. i'm not that bad of a cook, honest!
update from work: i got some work to do on my own and i'm loving it (badabababaaaa... mcdonalds theme song, anyone? anyone?) it makes me feel good and makes the days go by quicker.
-- this is batman at work. this is batman posting from work. --
funny story: this morning when s and i were leaving the house we noticed the garbage can had been knocked over and opened. there were a couple of pieces of old banana bread on the driveway. i'm picking them up when s says "i guess the critter didn't much like that" and i asked her how she could tell thinking that the fact that it wasn't all eaten was a good indication. oh no, there was puke on the driveway just out of my field of view. puke! whatever had gotten into the garbage really didn't like my banana bread. i'm not that bad of a cook, honest!
update from work: i got some work to do on my own and i'm loving it (badabababaaaa... mcdonalds theme song, anyone? anyone?) it makes me feel good and makes the days go by quicker.
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