nananananananabatman!

Time for a change

2009-11-12T11:52:00.003-05:00

It's time for a change friends. Time to start a new blog.

Friday, March 12, 2004 was my first post and this one may be my last. I've had this blog for a long time. We've been through so much together and I'll be sad to see it go.

In hopes of keeping my life somewhat private, I'm not going to link to my new blog here but I will send you the link if you'd like it.

Onward!

True Story

2009-11-10T10:11:00.003-05:00

Last summer and fall, we went for a lot of walks. We walked lots of the trails around the area. Getting out, getting exercise and seeing new parts of the city was nice. It's something I definitely have been missing so I was excited when a walk was suggested.

Sunday afternoon, we met S&L and baby R at a trail we hadn't been to before. We opted for the snugli instead of the stroller for Baby J for two reasons: Baby J has a flat head (parenting fail) and it gives me more exercise. The trail wasn't super long but it was nice to be out.

At one point, we were holding out bird seed hoping to have birds land on our hands when a lady bug landed on my shoulder. I tried to shake it off and it jumped down my shirt. I freaked out - a bug in my cleavage! J came to my rescue - such a hardship - and had both hands down my shirt digging around for the offending bug. He finally got it and, for good measure, squished it. My hero.

Then, when we were getting ready to go, J was loading the kid into the car and singing to him. He was singing Chubbytown to the tune of Funkytown right when a fat family pulled into the lot and was getting out of their car. They were too far away to hear him thankfully. Let me take you to chubby town!

This time last year

2009-11-07T12:45:00.003-05:00

This time last year was hell.

Two nights ago I was in Baby J's room when J came in and opened the blinds. It was snowing. Snow had made the roads wet and covered the cars. My only thought was that the morning after the first snow fall of the year last year, we lost our cat.

That made me sad and got me thinking about things and about what was going on then. Like I said, last year was hell. We lost the cat and then we lost the baby growing inside of me. I lost part of me each time.

It seems silly now, but I was also unhappy about trading in our car for the car we have now. I wasn't pleased that I lost my freedom, not being able to drive a car with manual transmission. Thankfully, once I was physically recovered and felt like leaving the house again, I did learn how to drive stick and at least was able to regain that part of my life.

My life has changed so much in the past year. In a sense, I've lost some of my freedom again, but I've gained so much. It's hard though. You don't think about the realities of day-to-day life with a new baby. You just want to have one. The reality is that labour, which was extremely painful, at least ended. This pain of never really sleeping, of being fully responsible for a little person, of being physically tied down, doesn't go away. At least not for a long time. They say labour is like running a marathon. I disagree. It was like running a 10K but living afterwards is like running marathon after marathon.

This week, the week of the first snowfall of the year, has been hard. J was supposed to go back to work Monday. I was anxious because I wasn't sure I could handle things on my own. Don't laugh. I really don't know what I'm doing and together we've been stumbling through this parenting thing. Key word: together. What do I know about parenting? Not enough sleep and crazy hormones and sore boobs. And crying. And poop. So not a whole lot, though that does about sum it up.

Saturday, J started feeling sick. Sunday, J was death. He didn't go to work at all this week, which would have been great if he hadn't been sick. He spent the whole week on the couch, afraid to come near any of us, cat included, for fear of passing on his sickness. I spent the whole week parenting solo except the odd time I could convince him to wash his hands and feed the kid.

Being sick isn't fun and I'm not blaming anything on J, it's just that with him sick, even though he was home, I did a lot more of the "baby" work. We had fallen into a nice routine where we would trade off the feedings during the night, that way we would each get one good chunk of sleep. With J sick and hacking up a lung on the couch in the basement, feedings became my responsibility.

I'm not complaining. People do this all the time - raise a kid. So many of them do it wholly by themselves too. I know this. I know it's what I asked for, what I wanted. I didn't know how painful sleeping in chunks of 1.5 or 2 hours for days on end would be. I didn't know how draining it would be trying to figure out why the crying won't stop.

So when, after days of near-coma on the couch, J offers to "babysit" his kid, to which I promptly reply "it isn't babysitting if it's your kid" - a joke of ours - what do I do? Do I run out of the house, happy to be free if only for a couple hours until it's time to pump again? Do I get some exercise or nap or do something just for me? No. I sit at the computer and think about how tired I am.

Then I look at pictures of my smiling baby and know it's okay. I've been through hell but right here, right now, is exactly where I want to be. And maybe I'll go spend some time with my family.

Play and Learn

2009-11-04T23:04:00.003-05:00

L invited me to a free trial class at Gymboree. I took Baby J and met her and Baby R there this afternoon. They have a series of classes depending on the age of your kid. Obviously we were Level 1 for 0-6 month-old babies.

I got there late, but enjoyed the class. You basically sing songs and play with your baby. The songs were in english and french. The games included "tummy time", dancing around, bubbles, parachute and using props like a hand puppet and a scarf.

The look on Baby J's face when the scarf billowed down around him was priceless. The kid, who has only been smiling for about a week, just loved it.

I loved the atmosphere. I have this thing where I don't like imposing and I don't like people waiting around for me. At the wedding last month, I felt terrible when the baby started crying mid-way through the speeches and then wailed while I fumbled around trying to get him changed and happy again. I thought that people would be so mad and annoyed and generally not pleased with me. But with a group like at the Gymboree class and the Salsa Babies class, it doesn't matter if your little one cries. It's almost expected. And it happens to everyone. It's nice - hard to explain but nice all the same.

The flu

2009-11-04T22:12:00.003-05:00

The dreaded H1N1 flu.

I have to say, since I've been off work I haven't been paying much attention to the world around me. Note to self: get back in touch. I spend my time doing other things, like making sure my little person is fed and clean and happy. Anyways, I know there's a flu, you can't be alive and not know, but I haven't done any reading on it and only know what I've heard on the radio and from the few people I talk to.

I do know that this flu is a pretty big deal and the vaccine is limited and possibly not as safe as the regular flu shot due to it being rushed through the process and made available to the public in time. I also know that the vaccine has just been made available, but only certain groups. I fit in to the first group to get the shot because I live with and take care of someone who cannot get vaccinated - my little guy.

I will admit, I don't normally get the flu shot, the seasonal one. I just don't. I also don't normally get the flu. Knock on wood. But because of my circumstances, I decided it would be a good thing to get the H1N1 shot this year, not that I did anything about it and wouldn't have gotten it without L who got in line and got a wristband for me. That's right, you have to go and get a wristband and come back hours later because it's THAT busy. Incredible. People are standing in line for hours. How is that a good thing? Oh, and have you heard about this? The Calgary Flames skipped the lines and all got the shot. Even their wives and girlfriends.

Anyways, I got my shot last night. A word to the wise: pick the arm you get the shot in carefully. It hurts like hell - my arm is still sore a day later. I had trouble sleeping and getting dressed and showering and lifting things. The nurse asked if I was left-handed. I am so obviously I got the shot in my right arm. Turns out, I sleep on my right side and I do a lot of things with my right hand and arm. I took some Tylenol mid-way through the night.

J has actually been sick for a while now. He was supposed to go back to work Monday, leaving me and Baby J alone together, but he's been coughing up a storm instead. This afternoon, I had a huge headache and felt achy all over so I did the best thing and napped it off. I woke up feeling better so here's hoping I don't get sick and neither do you. And good luck to anyone who wants to get the shot.

Costumes and Hallowe'en

2009-11-01T17:39:00.001-05:00

You know what's really annoying? Trying to find a costume for a wee baby. Most places have a few baby costumes, but never small enough. For a while, we thought the only costume we'd be able to get for Baby J was a girly one. That's right - we could dress our little guy up as a girl. That's a good costume, right? Not so much.

So I hit Google and hit it hard. I searched and searched and finally found the perfect idea - Charlie Brown. All we needed was black shorts and a yellow shirt - again, hard to find small enough, but the consignment baby store in our neighbourhood delivered. And for less than $5! We put the black squiggly line on the shirt with marker. Our little guy was a big hit at the party.

J was very creative and made himself a Beaker costume. I'm really impressed with how well it turned out. He was also a hit at the party.

My efforts really went into getting my boys dressed up so my costume was severely lacking, but that's okay. I don't much like dressing up anyways.

Thanks to A&S for hosting. We had a great time.

Snowboarding

2009-10-29T17:24:00.002-04:00

J tried snowboarding a couple of years ago. I got him a gift certificate for a lesson at a hill not far from here. He rented some gear and had his lesson and guess what? It came naturally to him, like so many things do. It ain't easy being married to someone like that some days.

Anyways, last Friday night we packed ourselves into the car and went to the Ski and Snowboard Show. It was raining and cold and there was a hockey game so the traffic was awful but we made it and went in and walked around. We found my mom who puts on the show (and the two weddings shows too). It was perfect - she got to take Baby J around to all her friends while I got to sit on my butt and J got to look at snowboarding gear.

There were awesome sales and with the extra bonus of knowing the boss, J got a great deal on new gear. He got a nice board, new boots and bindings. He was using hand-me-down stuff but not anymore.

And now he has grand plans to snowboard all the time this winter. He happily talked to a lot of people and has found lots interested in going to the hills this winter. Maybe I'll convince him to take me one of those times.

Funny story: J wears a helmet when he snowboards like a good boy. And it's been handy in some cases when he's whacked his head anough to see stars. One time he came home with a big gooseegg on his forehead. I was surprised and wondered how he was able to do that with his helmet on. Turns out he hit his head on the car trunk while putting his gear away after snowboarding. Now he keeps his helmet on until he's safely in the car.. at least he should.

Salsa Babies

2009-10-28T16:32:00.002-04:00

This morning was the trial class for Salsa Babies. It was going to be the first time I took Baby J somewhere by myself but I had a little freak out last night so J came with us. He drove around while we were at the class. It made it a little bit easier though I was with the baby by myself not at home for about an hour. What am I going to do for 8 months? It HAS to get easier.

Anyways, Salsa Babies. The class was fun though it made me very aware of how uncoordinated and how unsexy I am. That's the bad thing about mirrors. Baby J slept through the whole class but eventually, once he's bigger and able to face forward in the carrier, I think he'll really like it. Just like, eventually, once I'm better at it, I'll really like it.

The girls were all really nice. A bunch of them came up to me afterwards to introduce themselves and tell me how great the classes were. I'm going to sign up for the session starting in two weeks.

L came over afterward and hung out. There was a lot of crying and burping and spitting up... and that was just J! Kidding. Babies do all these really fun things including puking on my lululemon pants that I broke out today. Guess who fits into her fancy pants again! Babies, fun little people, especially salsa-ing babies.

Sweat and tears

2009-10-24T20:04:00.002-04:00

I haven't been able to run since about April last year. It's been a while so I wasn't sure what to expect when I hit the streets the other day. The requisite six weeks since giving birth had passed and I was given the OK from my midwife. But most importantly, I had enough sleep and a happy baby that I could leave with J for a while.

I bundled up and went outside. Running again came easily and felt natural. It was so nice to see the pavement pass under my feet, to propel myself along the sidewalks, to pass the houses I passed a million times before. It was even better to work up a sweat and get rosy cheeks. Afterward I stretched while Sandy weaved around my legs, just like we did so many times before.

I didn't go hard or fast or far - I was good and I'm thankful for that because the next day and the day after that my muscles hurt. I'm happy I'm able to run again but I'll be taking it slow. I still have to get used to my new body.

Me and my new body are going to try Salsa Babies with L. There's a free trial class this week and a six-week session starting in November. You strap your baby to your chest, either in a sling or the Snugli, and Salsa with other moms. It looks like a lot of fun.

I'm also going to attempt the P90X workout that is all the rage these days. We have the DVDs and some weights. I just need to energy and motivation. Isn't that always the way....

Packing on the pounds

2009-10-22T21:13:00.002-04:00

On Tuesday our little guy hit the six-week mark. I know I know, eventually I will be counting his age in years, but since he's still so young it has to be weeks. And six weeks is significant because that's when you get discharged from the midwives.

We went for our appointment and were happy to find out that Baby J has been packing on the pounds and is now over 10 pounds. Weight, thankfully, is always measured in pounds, though the ounces mean something at this point too but I won't bore you with those details. He's healthy and that's what matters.

It was bittersweet having our last appointment with the midwives. We really really liked having a midwife (3 actually) instead of an OB and will go with them again if/when we have another kid. We're back to our family doctor and we have to see her in two weeks for Baby J's vaccinations. I need to read up on what vaccinations are offered - some are necessary but others are opt-in types.

J is back to work at the beginning of November, which is coming up real fast. Because I know he's going back and won't be around during the day much longer, this week has flown by. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without him around - sleep less during the day no doubt - and if I'll be able to handle things. It's been so nice having him home.

I don't know what our last week together will be like. Hopefully we can find some fun things to do.

Weekend or what?

2009-10-19T12:13:00.003-04:00

With J off work it's really hard to tell what day of the week it is and even whether it's the weekend. I do know that a weekend just passed - it helped that we had plans during the day with people that would normally be at work. A sure sign.

Saturday afternoon we went to my cousin G's house. Him and his wife just bought a place - an odd 3 story split-level - but he recently took a job across the ocean and leaves at the end of the month. She's staying. Anyways, it was a nice little get together with about half of my dad's side of the family. We hadn't seen the house and they hadn't seen Baby J before. Because of some crappy eating and complete lack of sleeping we got there late, but were able to see everyone and had some good conversations with my cousins.

Heading home we felt good, that's what good times with friends or family can do, but we were tired. Our Saturday night plans included nothing. That's how our lives have changed post-baby. While doing nothing, J's aunt and uncle stopped by to get J to fix a computer problem. J should start charging for his services. He managed to fix the problem and we managed to get them to feed our baby. Good deal.

Sunday afternoon we took advantage of the beautiful weather and went to a park where some friends were playing football. We talked to them for a while and then walked around. It's not that far from our place yet neither of us had been on the paths. For a while, we spoke to a man who was out with his dogs and an older couple stopped us to moon over Baby J. Want people to talk to you? Take a baby with you. It was so nice to get out. Now all I need is regular exercise and I'll start feeling more like myself.

Sunday night we had a great time at A&Ss place for a late Thanksgiving dinner. S&L & Baby R were there too. We were asked to bring salad but that didn't work so we picked up sushi instead. Imagine eating a fancy turkey dinner with chopsticks... that's what S did. Good stuff.

Soothing

2009-10-16T22:52:00.002-04:00

We put off trying a soother with Baby J to avoid what they call "nipple confusion". This happens when a baby normally eats from the breast (nipple #1) and sometimes a bottle (#2) and then you introduce a soother (#3). It can be confusing and the baby might prefer to eat from the bottle and won't breastfeed. Not something you want to mess with in the beginning.

Turns out, breastfeeding has been a big challenge for us. In the beginning, Baby J was just lazy and not latching well and therefore not getting a lot of milk. Then I had to deal with engorgement - not something I would wish on anybody. It was painful but thankfully lasted only 36 hours. We were finally getting the hang of it though sluggish 45-minute feedings were the norm, when I had severe muscle spasms in my back and physically couldn't do it. The pump became my best friend. I can pump enough in 15 minutes to feed him at least once, sometimes twice.

Since then we've been through a growth spurt where Baby J was hungry constantly and I was thankful that I could pump and bottle feed him. It spared me some pain. I've breastfed him only a few times in the past couple of weeks and haven't decided if we'll give it an honest go again or stick with what's working now.

All that to say that we're bottle feeding the little guy so nipple confusion isn't as big a deal as if he had only known the real thing. And the kid likes to suck so we busted out the soother. Took him a day to get that he wouldn't be getting milk from it but now he likes it and we like that he's quiet between feedings. Mostly.

You can't deny that he's cute!

Not MY Wedding

2009-10-15T14:31:00.009-04:00

Last weekend was J's cousin's wedding in Kingston. The theme for the weekend was "Well, it's not my wedding!" because I absolutely did not have it all together. Don't get me wrong: we made it and we had fun but I did not feel picture perfect at any point in the day. Thankfully, it wasn't my wedding.

The wedding was blissfully at 3 in the afternoon giving us enough time to leave home that morning. Less time away from home with a new baby is good. Our goal was to leave no later than 12pm. When did we leave? 12pm. No worries. Baby J was good for over an hour in the car and then started fussing and crying and where is the next exit?! We stopped in Gananoque for a pee break and donuts and I jumped in the back to feed the kid while J drove (feed using a bottle NOT breastfeeding, promise!)

We arrived in Kingston and got to the hotel and were able to check in even though official check in time wasn't for another hour. We got our little man in his cute outfit, I pumped and we got ourselves ready. My hair wasn't right and we were all a little frazzled but hey, it's not my wedding!

We got to the church 5 minutes before K and I's ceremony. It was nice - sweet and not too religious-y or long. Our little man was quiet and good until the organ right at the end while everyone was walking out. He wasn't happy then. But he's so cute and oh right, it's not my wedding.

The family was pretty excited to meet him but it was cold standing around outside the church so we followed the wedding party over to where the reception was being held at RMC. There were snacks and drinks and pictures and foosball.

Dinner and speeches and dancing followed. J and I were lucky enough to have some time to ourselves while everyone and their dog held our baby. I think the best line from the night was by cousin E's friend L, "Will you hold my drink so I can hold your baby?" To which I replied, "Of course". I had my first beer since December and danced with my husband. It was nice.

We got back to our hotel room around 1am. We left the baby to sleep in his carseat while we passed out in the king-sized bed. We went to the "Morning After" brunch - their choice of words, not mine - Sunday morning to wish K&I a good time on their honeymoon and then we hit the road.

We were gone for just over 24 hours. I would call the trip a success. Congratulations K and I and yay us for going out of town with baby.

Sorting

2009-10-12T20:58:00.006-04:00

We had an incredibly busy weekend. We went to Kingston Saturday for J's cousin's wedding and spent some time with my family yesterday. Today was a recovery day.

I've just figured out how to post pictures on my blog so here's one from the wedding. More to come when I'm no longer exhausted.

One Whole Month

2009-10-08T21:07:00.002-04:00

My baby is one month old. He's getting so big and looks less like a newborn every day. It's incredible the changes a little person goes through in such a short period of time.

You need a good camera to document the changes and ours was acting up so we got a new one. It's a newer version of the one we have. It will take us through until month two and three, and maybe even year two and three, of this kid's life.

Social baby

2009-10-07T17:24:00.001-04:00

It's hard to blog when my days are so alike. I feel like I don't do anything exciting, anything worthy of writing about, on a day-to-day basis. Then I realize that we've been doing things and seeing people and that is worthy of a post.

A couple of weekends ago, we took our little man out to a party with my baseball team. It was the year-end party and I wasn't sure I should go, not having played this season, but I was asked to come and bring Baby J. So we went and it was a bit of an adventure. All the girls liked him and it was nice to catch up with them, but we stayed too long and since I'm not comfortable feeding the kid anywhere other than home, we left it too long and we had a cranky baby and a miserable J trying to change him and feed him while he was screaming as loud as he could. Thankfully that's not very loud. Yet.

On the way home Baby J screamed until he fell asleep. I felt terrible for letting my boys down - starving my baby and making my best friend upset. It wasn't the best way to end a good night, though it was a learning experience.

Last weekend we went to a housewarming party with J's work friends. A week makes a difference and I was able to feed the baby while we were there. We avoided the meltdown of the previous week. He stayed awake the entire party. I think he liked all the attention and one of the girls wanted to take him home.

He's not always awake when people come over though. He tends to sleep and we'll put him in his swing or bouncer and not realize that people might want to hold him. Oops! J's aunt and uncle from out of town and his sister, SJ, have all been over recently and so have my parents.

We've also been using the stroller lots, getting out of the house, mostly doing walks that take us by the mailbox. I'm anxiously awaiting some kind of paperwork from the government for my employment insurance. Without it, I don't get paid by my work. We've been dipping into our savings since I've been off work, but it's okay. It will get figured out eventually.

Yesterday we went to an appointment with the midwife. She said Baby J is looking good and we were surprised to find out that he's growing like a weed and is now over 9 pounds. He's going through a growth spurt and wants to eat all the time. I was happy to hear that growth spurts last only a week. I can't wait until he's back to regular growing and eating.

This weekend we're taking our social baby to Kingston for a wedding. This is the third Thanksgiving in a row that we have a wedding. It will be our first road trip as a family of three. I want to get out and do things to avoid the same thing day in day out so is it weird that I'm starting to get a little nervous?

Changes

2009-10-02T11:00:00.001-04:00

When friends break up it really makes you stop and take a look at your own relationship. I'm sad when couples break up, especially those that have been together for years, but I'm happy because when they do, and when J and I take a look at our relationship, we decide all over again that we're perfect for each other.

Last week, J went out drinking with a friend who had recently ended a 3+ year relationship. J got home and plopped down on the bed and told me everything. He couldn't stop talking, partially because of the crazy stories and partially because of the beer he had consumed. In between stories of this couple he was saying how much he likes me and how happy he is with us. It was nice.

Breakups are scary now that we're older. It's not as easy as getting dumped in high school where the worst thing you have to worry about is having English class with your ex. Now it's all about lawyers and money and splitting up all the things you purchased together, figuring out which of your mutual friends will stick with you, and eventually carving out a new life on your own. It's even worse if pets or kids are involved.

I don't envy anybody who's had to go through this. I'm lucky to have had my last breakup be of the high school variety. I was young and the one doing the dumping. That was a long time ago and I didn't have to worry about any "adult" problems. Now I'm content with my life and happy to be reminded of that every now and then.

Out of shape

2009-09-26T16:22:00.002-04:00

I got the OK from my midwife to start exercising, light exercising. We've been walking when it's nice out, but today I did some pilates and some weights. I am SO out of shape it's ridiculous. My muscles were cramping almost immediately and I'm already sore. When I was 19 and had mono, I was in bed for 5 weeks straight and lost a ton of weight - mostly muscle mass - and was out of shape after that. I needed a while to build up my muscles and my stamina and endurance. This time, I spent about 3 weeks doing nothing and the result is the same. I can't believe it.

So I'm starting from scratch and I'm determined to get back to where I was. I'm not planning on running a marathon any time soon, but I would really like to lose some weight (slowly, guaranteed) and get strong again. In another 3 weeks, I should get the OK to do more than just light exercise and I plan on starting the P90X workout that J (and the whole world) is doing. I also plan on running again and maybe swimming.

Swimming was all I had there for about 3 months and I'm finding I'm missing it. It's interesting, missing something like swimming even though I'm not a very good swimmer. I also miss drinking tea and eating pineapple and our nightly walks. Thankfully we've started walking again and now I can lie on my stomach and bend over without having a watermelon in the way. I don't have to get up to pee every hour during the night and hugs are closer and better than ever.

Lots of changes and more to come.

Flying by

2009-09-24T10:29:00.004-04:00

Somehow the days are flying by. I don't quite understand it because I'm not doing a whole lot. I sleep when I can, I feel like most of my awake time is spent feeding my boy, and then it's tomorrow. It can be a little depressing.

Being pregnant and being a new parent is strange. You don't feel like yourself: your body is doing things that you never imagined and your emotions and hormones are going wild. It can be so overwhelming. I look down at my little guy I just spent an hour feeding only to realize I would be doing it again in two hours. And three hours after that. Sometimes I feel trapped. But then I remember that I signed up for this and man, he's cute.

Where was I? Right, the passing of time. It's true - the days are going by too quickly. J's birthday was last week and was probably the saddest birthday he's had in a while. He hardly slept the night before and there were no celebrations on the actual day. I'm hoping we made up for it by having S&L&R and A&S over for dinner and cake and then having a birthday dinner with his family. J, I'm sorry your birthday got overshadowed.

The dinner with his family was the first time we'd left the house for more than two hours. It required a couple of diaper changes and a feeding outside the house, or "in the wild" as J likes to say. Apart from all the screaming, both went rather well. Soon, I won't hesitate to go wherever, but for now, baby steps.

All of a sudden Baby J is two weeks old and we're taking him to the midwives office. I got the go ahead to start light exercise - yoga or pilates and walking. And he's healthy and has gained more weight - he's somewhere between 8 pounds 4.5 ounces and 7 ounces - and he passed his hearing test. He managed to pee all over J while we were there, but that's nothing compared to what he did last week. I was in the bathroom when I hear either laughing or sobbing coming from the nursery. I run in to see J holding the kid upright while he's peeing everywhere. Everywhere. J's laughing and I'm laughing and the kid is crying. Fun times.

I went out by myself for the first time the other day. That was my first mistake. A new mom should not go anywhere without her baby. When I got to the cash, the cashier said "You aren't pregnant, are you?" No lady, my baby's at home. "Oh," she said, "I didn't think you were but you're wearing maternity jeans." Truth is I'm hesitant to try on anything but mat clothes because I don't think they'll fit yet. I don't need that. She then went on to tell me that some store has great pants that don't have buttons or zippers. Thanks, but I'll stick with my mat pants. I already own them. And since the days are flying by, I'll soon be back down to my pre-pregnancy weight anyways.

Week 1: The ups and the downs

2009-09-19T16:33:00.002-04:00

The first week of being a parent was amazing but exhausting. The days are flying by but I'm not getting much done - though I guess I should count showering once a day an accomplishment. I'm quite happy with my body and happy with the care we've gotten from the midwives. I'm happy.

We chose to stay in the hospital overnight and into the next day so that Baby J could get some blood taken at 24 hours. We didn't realize we had to wait for the results as well so we ended up leaving after 10pm the next day. It wasn't too bad though. We spent the night being checked on by nurses every shift and just getting used to having a little person to care for. Our room was freezing and J's "bed" wasn't too comfy, but we survived. We were able to see our friends S&J who were just down the hall with their new little man, C. We saw the midwives in the afternoon and got the blood work done when it was time. The results were good so we were free to go. After dressing our little man in clothes for the first time and having the car seat inspected we were good to go. I was so happy to be heading home.

On the way out I weighed myself. I put on 38 pounds over the 9 months and the only stretch mark I got is where my belly button is pierced. I kept seeing myself in the mirror in the bathroom after the birth and marvelling at my little tummy. The weight gain was gradual, but the change afterwards was immediate. I was curious just how much weight I'd lost, knowing it had to be more than 7 pounds and 10 ounces. Turns out it was 14 pounds. And after the first week I've lost another 4. The first time J and I hugged was great and it's only going to get better. 20 pounds better.

Breast feeding is apparently good for losing weight. Some people do it and others don't and it can be a heated topic, but in my mind it's a natural thing and much cheaper and easier than formula feeding. I wanted to breast feed Baby J and was pretty upset when it wasn't going well. I was pumping and J was using a syringe and feeding tube to feed the baby. The midwives came to see us at home on days 2 and 3 but by day 3 I was dealing with engorgement - my milk came in but because I wasn't able to feed well it had nowhere to go. Let's just say that I was in a ton of pain and we tried everything. After about 36 hours and all of the things we tried, the swelling went down and I was able to try breast feeding again. By the end of the first week we started to get the hang of it. Goal #1 was to establish breast feeding, meaning no more pumping and no more having J feed the kid. Done! Goal #2 is to get better at it. Still a work in progress.

The midwives have been great. Like I said, we saw them in the hospital the day after the baby was born and at home the next two days. They check both me and Baby J out every time we see them. Baby J is doing what babies should do and I'm healing well. Going with midwifery care versus an OB is another topic that divides people and obviously we went with the midwives and are so happy we did. I would recommend it to anyone for their low-risk pregnancy. We see them again but in the office when Baby J is 2 weeks old.

J and I have had many moments where we're laughing hysterically over things we're done in our sleep-deprived state or things that Baby J has done. Two times I panicked because I didn't know where Baby J was. I'd wake up and find myself alone. I'd go and find J and ask him where the baby was. He wouldn't know. How could he not know?! Turns out the kid was always close by and safe, but man, those few seconds were awful each time.

We do make a great team though. We tag-teamed feeding for the whole week and have each managed to shower every day. We're sleeping enough to function, though not enough to not be stupid and forgetful. We left eggs boiling on the stove until the water was almost gone for example.

We are so lucky to have people come to see us and help out with things - food especially. I'm not great at asking for things, but I did and you all came through. Thank you. It's so nice to have family and friends we can depend on. It's also nice to show off our little man to everyone.

Birth Story

2009-09-18T15:53:00.003-04:00

There's so much that I want to say, but I really should start at the beginning. Hence, the birth story.

You all know that Baby J was born Tuesday, September 8th at 5:02pm. He weighed 7 pounds 10 ounces and was 21 inches long. Now, for what I didn't have time to type the first time.

My water broke at 6pm on Monday, September 7. I took Tylenol and Gravol to get some sleep that night. I woke up at 4am the next morning with my first contraction. I spent the next 3.5 hours breathing through them and sleeping in between, but by 7:30am I was scared to fall back to sleep because they were coming quicker and hurting. I woke up J who immediately jumped into action, grabbing his watch and a notebook to write down the times. My contractions were 4-6 minutes apart lasting 30-60 seconds. I was able to breathe through them for a while, but the pain was getting worse and worse. We tried different positions and called the midwife at around 9:30am. She said that they weren't close enough or regular enough yet to go to the hospital. I tried the bath, which totally slowed them right down so I got out. Eventually they sped up again and we hooked up the TENS machine, which is a nerve stimulator thing that basically confuses your brain and lessens the pain from contractions. It was like I was that bad little kid whose parents have to have on a leash in the mall.

The contractions sped up and got more painful so we called the midwife again around 11:30am and were told to head to the hospital. J scrambled around getting everything together and we headed out. It felt like we hit every red light on the way and every single pothole. I was having contractions the whole way and again right outside the hospital, and another in the elevator. It was only one flight up so I finished up my contraction squatting on the elevator floor in front of a bunch of concerned people.

We met the midwives in triage and got assessed. I was 3-4cm dilated (10 is go-time). We were admitted and moved into our room. I had another contraction on the way and was squatting in the hallway. We got into the room, after a few contractions I tried the tub but got the urge to push so quickly got out. Had to have my blood taken, which they somehow did while I was contracting.

Soon I was on all fours on the bed labouring like mad. Three hours of labouring in different positions without drugs. An hour of that was trying to not push because things weren't quite ready for pushing. Fighting that urge was one of the hardest things I've had to do. Finally I was able to push and after about an hour of pushing and the most intense pain of my life, including muscles cramping and the occasional emotional breakdown, Baby J was born.

He was whooshed - according to J - onto my stomach where he stayed for the first 2 hours. J got to cut the cord. I was given some drugs to help with the placenta - the quick labour and muscle failure meant my body couldn't do it without them. I was stitched up while we stared out our new little man. It was unreal, having a squirming little person on my chest, squeaking and burbling and sometimes crying. Jerky arm movements and head twitches that were all brand new.

Eventually they took him to be weighed and measured and tested (reflexes and other stuff). He passed with flying colours and was back in my arms in no time.

J and the midwives were awesome for the labour and delivery. I was at the point of physical exhaustion, muscles cramping and failing in the middle of contractions, and mental exhaustion, thinking there was no way I could do this and was I going to have to have a c-section? Why didn't I ask for drugs when I had the chance? Ow! But the three of them helped me through it all. It was the most intense experience of my life. And apparently I don't even remember half of it - J told me that I was myself for about half the time and primal-get-this-done K the rest of the time. He was telling me all sorts of things I did and said that I don't remember.

I'm very proud of myself for accomplishing my goal of having a drug-free labour, I'm so proud of J for being my rock through the whole thing, and I'm incredibly proud of my new little guy who is absolutely perfect. Welcome to the world, Baby J.

Pictures!

2009-09-14T16:32:00.002-04:00

I put up some pictures on my Picasa page. The address is http://picasaweb.google.com/MYREALNAME. You should see some folders. If you have problems, send me an email and I'll send the actual link. I'm debating whether to put any up on the blog. We shall see.

B-Day!

2009-09-11T14:05:00.002-04:00

B-Day has come and baby J is here! I don't have much time for the internet or to post, but we seem to be doing better than I expected we would. J has been just incredible - first throughout the whole labour and delivery and now with the baby. I don't know what I would have done without him or what I would be doing now.

Labour was absolute hell. I can say that now because it's over. I survived but I'm not sure I'll ever forget the pain. It was quick and intense and drug-free. My muscles were on the verge of complete exhaustion and I was an emotional wreck but from the moment my water broke to the moment I had baby J on my chest was 23 hours. And only 13 of that I was in labour, 4 hours in the hospital. I have never felt anything so powerful and raw. Every now and then, I look at baby J and shake my head - I can't believe I did that. That we did that.

He's the cutest little thing. Well, bigger than I was expecting at 7 pounds 10 ounces at birth, but still so small. He's a super sleeper but not a champion eater. We're getting help from the midwives with feeding and have been trying to get him to latch without much success. J is feeding him expressed milk while I pump for the next time. Hello professional milk pumper, aka cow. Not the nicest feeling, but necessary.

We were worried about how Sandy would react and she was a little freaked at first, but she's slowly getting used to him. She's not fond of his startle reflex (quick movement) or when he cries and cries. She actually yells and yells, like saying "hey, he's crying! Do something!"

We're slowly settling into our new life, our new little family. And I'm getting used to my new body.. it's a neat thing. Pictures will be up soon on Picasa, one is already on Facebook so go have a look.

No apologies

2009-09-04T10:57:00.003-04:00

Today is like Boxing Day - let me explain. Yesterday, my due date, B-Day, was a little like Christmas. Only Christmas didn't happen. I tried my best to not get attached to that date, knowing it was only an estimate, knowing that most babies aren't born on their due dates. But I got attached anyway. It's hard when everyone wants to know when you're due and won't take "the beginning of September" as an answer. Plus all the doctors and OBs and midwives and techs all asking the same question. So I went and got attached. September 3rd became my Christmas.

Like any little kid who loves Christmas I couldn't sleep B-Day Eve (September 2nd). I was up late, rocking on my exercise ball, convinced and hoping that I would wake up sometime during the night to my water breaking or the intense pain of contractions. I was ready. I was excited. It was almost Christmas!

I woke up to pee a bunch of times as per usual. Nothing. No signs that labour was starting. So I stayed in bed. J got up and left for work, asking if I was in labour before he left like he always does (he's cute that way - so excited for his little man to be born and actually quite looking forward to his role in this whole thing. I couldn't ask for anything more.) I figured that if I kept sleeping, eventually I would wake up in labour. That's the way these things work, right. It's Christmas Day after all!

I finally got out of bed after 11am. I'm not sure how I made it so long without eating. First thing I did was sit down at the computer to an email from Baby Center saying congratulations on my newborn. Ug. And then the messages and emails from everyone asking if the baby was here yet. It was too much. I was still getting over my disappointment over not having woken up in labour and then to have it rubbed in my face that there was a good chance B-Day would come and go without so much as a real contraction. Guess what, if I'm on the computer, chances are I'm not in the hospital and chances are I'm not caring for a new little person.

So I was grouchy and I won't apologize for that. I think it's understandable. I felt better after getting off my ass, getting some food and going out. I went to return a shirt I bought ($45 in my pocket) and then went and spent some money on a yoga mat for J who has started this insane workout and some paintings to put up in my bathroom (-$65 = -$20 total). Not bad. I also booked myself a massage and pedicure for today. I will have to cancel the appointment if I'm in labour but otherwise I get a nice relaxing massage and pretty toes.

For some reason, getting past yesterday feels good. Yesterday was all disappointment because it was Christmas without the fun, without the presents. Today is just another day and this baby will come when he's good and ready. I don't blame him. It's warm and comfy in there and it's a completely unknown and scary world out here. But really baby, we're ready for you. Sandy has checked out everything we have for you, slept on every surface that you may sleep on, checked every blanket for softness, pawed at the toys hanging from the swing you'll spend hours in. We're ready to meet you, our little squirming man. Any day now.

B-Day

2009-09-03T13:31:00.002-04:00

Today is B-Day. That's the estimated due date given by measuring the fetus early on in the pregnancy. It's the middle of a 5-day period according to the measurements. 75% of people go past their due date.

Guess what... baby isn't here yet. I'm still pregnant - huge, uncomfortable and getting impatient. I'm having a hard time being pleasant when a million people are asking if he's here yet. I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

An Open Letter to Everyone

2009-08-31T16:56:00.002-04:00

Dear Everyone,

I am pregnant and at times pretty emotional. I cry over things that would have never set me off before. I'm not telling you this so that you're on eggshells around me, afraid to say anything lest you bring on the waterworks, but please please please think before you speak.

Safe topics include the usual - the weather, the local sports team, complaining about work or coworkers. Unsafe topics include calling my not-yet born kid a brat. Just because it's the last day of August and you thought an August baby would be nice, does not mean that there is anything wrong.

My due date is Thursday and you would think that maybe it would be me who, having shared her body with this growing thing for the past nine months, would like this kid out yesterday. I'm practicing being patient knowing that this kid will come when he is good and ready, but my patience wears thin when I talk to people like you.

Sincerely,

batman

Thoughts

2009-08-29T16:48:00.002-04:00

Ultrasound - We went for the ultrasound Thursday morning and everything is looking good according to the tech. And since we haven't heard from the midwife yet, we're assuming things are fine. We have another appointment Tuesday so we'll find out for sure then. I took the preliminary report the tech gave us and Googled all the results. The only thing that looked a little off to me was the amount of amniotic fluid. I don't know the units, but mine was measured at 7 and I read that less than 5-6 is considered too little and 8-18 is considered a good amount. What about 7?? Ah well, Tuesday will be here soon enough.

Work - After the ultrasound I went to work for a bit. I wanted to drop off a little gift for J&M who are expecting about a week after me. I was able to see a lot of people and I have to admit it was an ego boost when everyone told me how great I looked. Thank you, work friends. Then I went to lunch with 4 of them. After all that, I needed a huge nap. Sandy didn't mind.

Weather - All of a sudden, we went from having the AC on and the fan blowing at night to it being freezing cold. Honestly, the change was so dramatic and so quick that I really can't believe it. I was hoping that since we had such crappy weather June and July that late August and September and even October would be warm and beautiful. And now it's raining like mad. Both J and I thought we had animals living in the walls after all the noise from the wind and rain last night. Turns out pieces of the house that allow air in were loose. J crawled around in the attic and fixed the problem. Such a handy guy.

Birthdays - S&S are both August babies so we had dinner and cake last night at S&Ls place to celebrate. I did a great job barbecuing and burned the first bunch of hotdogs. Thankfully burgers take longer to cook so all was not lost. I seem to remember we were at the cottage around this time last year celebrating these birthdays by getting really drunk and skinny dipping. How things change....

Getting ready - There are things you can do to naturally induce labour. Ever since I hit 37 weeks, which is considered full term, I've been trying these things. Who knows if it's helping or if I'll be late no matter what I do. Either way, I've been drinking raspberry leaf tea, eating pineapple, eating spicy food, walking more, and some other things I'd rather not mention (but if you're really curious, do a Google search on the topic). What I've noticed is that my Braxton-Hicks contractions (practice contractions) have gotten more powerful and more frequent and I have a lot of pressure/pain down low. Last night, I felt off so I went to bed and just lay there thinking "If this is labour, we're not ready." About an hour later, I felt normal again and fell asleep. Today we went and got the playpen, where baby will likely sleep for the first bit (days to weeks to months, depending on things) and the diaper bag. I have things put aside for the hospital bag and have talked to our families about not coming to the hospital (we don't plan to be there long). A couple more things to do and organize and likely wash and then we will be completely ready. And when I say 'completely ready' I mean 'as ready as we'll ever be' for this life-altering event. J really wants to meet our squirming little man.

Coming up

2009-08-26T11:37:00.004-04:00

Saturday was a strange day. I felt chained to the house and then felt silly for feeling that way. The chances of me going into labour were so slim that staying home avoiding it was probably not necessary. I'll probably go way late now. But that's okay, no baby without J here. That would not have been good.

But here we are, days later and still no baby. That will be part of every blog post until B-Day I'm sure. But please don't go thinking I've popped if I don't post in a while. I'm bad at updating and you know that.

I went to see my midwife yesterday. The baby is measuring even smaller than before so I have an ultrasound tomorrow. She's almost positive everything is okay, but there's a small enough chance that it isn't hence the test. It will be nice to see our "little squirming man", as J likes to say, one more time before the big day. I can't help worrying just a little though.

So the Halifax wedding. It was J's cousin G's wedding and apparently a ton of fun. I wish I could have been there and I think we might be making a trip to the East coast next summer because J didn't get a chance to see his old neighbourhood like he wanted.

Another wedding coming up this weekend on the East coast, New Brunswick this time for L&S. Sorry to miss this one too. I'm sure it will be beautiful.

Weddings and babies. Tis the season.

So nice

2009-08-22T10:42:00.002-04:00

I have to write about how supportive everyone has been and especially about today. I just got home from dropping J off at the airport. His cousin is getting married in Halifax today, hopefully before hurricane Bill hits, and we decided he would fly out, go to the wedding and come home. He'll be gone less than 24 hours.

I'm considered full term in that I've reached the number of weeks that a baby is considered fully cooked and labour could happen pretty much any time. The thing is, statistically, first babies are born on average 8 days after their due date. That's not until September 11. There is little chance that baby is coming today or tomorrow or even in the next couple of weeks.

But that didn't stop a bunch of people from calling to let me know that they would be available every minute that J is out of town. Cell phones on and ready. Just in case something were to happen. I feel like I have a whole army waiting for my call. It's nice and reassuring.

I will still be doing absolutely nothing today that will induce labour. In fact, I think I hear the couch calling my name... have a great weekend!

All over the place

2009-08-21T11:00:00.003-04:00

I hope no one minds if I just kind of empty my brain here on this blog. I have so many thoughts swirling around but no drive to make a coherent post (if that was even possible) out of a topic or two. Or three. Or ten.

Monday night I slept on and off and on and off, but it wasn't the interrupted kind of sleep that makes you mad. I was wide awake between sleeps and thinking about all sorts of things and it hit me. I had an epiphany. I can totally do this pregnancy thing and I will totally be able to do labour and delivery. And, while we're on the topic, I can be a good mother. Where did it all come from? I'm not sure exactly, but I'm sure. Positive actually, and it's a nice feeling. I finally feel ready.

Also, I've been wanting a drug-free labour and delivery. Not because I'm against drugs or am a granola-crunching flower child. I just think that, without complications, my body should be able to handle the birth of the baby it created. And why not? This is what I was built to do. Have you seen my hips? J and I joke that my hips don't lie (like Shakira's don't) because they're so wide. And what's really nice is that J is completely on board, which is an unbelievable relief since he's going to be my "labour partner" and the one urging me on during the entire event, and the midwife is confident in me too. It's nice being told by a professional that my labour will go smoothly and I shouldn't have any problems.

It's a weird thing that a lot of this confidence I have in my body came from my miscarriage. Miscarriages aren't pleasant but they often happen spontaneously and for reasons that are natural. I wasn't smoking crack but there was obviously something wrong with that pregnancy. Wrong enough that my body decided to stop the whole thing. Who knows what problems the baby might have had if my body hadn't done that. And my body did it very efficiently. It was early on, it was painless, it was quick and complete. I was telling doctors I had miscarried before they could tell me, even with all the technology available to them. If my body can get handle that so well, why not a full-term pregnancy? And to be honest, so far my body has handled pregnancy well. Sure I've had my share of complaints, but not serious ones. I've been very lucky.

I recently read Mind Over Labor which is a book all about getting through labour using visualization. I'm not great at guided relaxation but I think I can use a lot of the techniques from the book. The author compares childbirth to playing sports - ah! I can relate to that! - and other, usual, daily events in life. It all makes sense. The other book I'm reading is the Guide to Breastfeeding and is written by a Canadian. J was given The Birth Partner to read. He just started but is serious about doing everything he can to help me (how lucky am I?) so he'll get through it. He already stopped reading to read some bits out loud to me.

We got these books from our midwife. I have to say again how happy I am to have a midwife. It's so nice going there, sitting on a couch and talking about random things before getting down to business. It's nice getting personal care and getting to know the medical professionals that will be there on B-Day. It's nice being told that since I'm tall I'm carrying the baby well and that looking small isn't a problem. Measuring small isn't a problem. Baby is a good size and already in position. I'm doing a great job! I would recommend midwifery care to anyone who is pregnant, at least take the time to read about midwives to decide if it's an option for you.

We went and saw the pictures A took of me and J last Friday. They turned out really really well. It's going to be nice to have professional shots to remind us how we looked at this time, me especially, with an incredibly big-for-me belly. Between then and last night, A learned about rim lighting, a technique to create silhouettes, which make a pregnant woman look really good (in my opinion) so we tried some of those last night. I'm still getting over the fact that I was stripped down to my little underwear in front of people other than J and being photographed. But the shots turned out really well. Like I said, the curves of the breast, the belly and then the leg look really amazing using this technique. A, you are a genius!

J and I learned in our prenatal class that when the baby engages - moves down into the pelvis - often you can see a significant difference in how the woman is carrying. You will be able to notice her belly is lower than before. I never had the super high up belly but we decided to try tracing it anyways. A week and a half ago was the first tracing and earlier this week was the second. The big part of my belly is in the same spot but there's a bump lower down where the baby's head is (strange!) and my belly has gone out a whole inch! After this is all done, I'll take a picture and show you. Incredible the difference a week makes at this stage.

And, to end this random post, a story from McDonalds. J and I went to McDonalds for dinner last night. Who doesn't love some grease? We went to sit down in a booth and, let me remind you that this is McDonalds and not some fancy restaurant catering to the wealthy. I didn't fit! My belly was too big and I didn't fit between the back of the booth and the table! What do men with potbellies do? I'm not THAT big! We sat at a table with movable chairs. Ug.

Tomorrow J flies to Halifax for his cousin's wedding. Body, even if you've never listened to me before, please don't go into labour until at least Sunday.

Not a good hermit

2009-08-16T11:05:00.002-04:00

My big plan for yesterday was to not leave the house. I managed just fine until late afternoon when J, implying that the bad things that happened when I did leave the house were petty and small and insignificant and only mattered to me because I'm a hormonal wreck, decided we were going shopping. J does NOT like to shop so I have to take advantage of these rare moments of weakness when he thinks shopping is a good idea. Plus I had spent most of the day huddled in the safety of my own house, free of toxic bugs and police cars and whatever else was out there to get me.

We went to Sleepy Hollow to look at cribs. It was closing in under an hour so we made our way around the huge showroom, quickly passing cribs that were way too much money, but finding a nice one that wasn't incredibly expensive. And it came with a mattress. And it matches the wood on the bed and dresser already in the room. And they'll deliver it for free. And bam! We bought a crib! It's being delivered Wednesday afternoon. Another reason for me to stay home for half a day.

After that we went to Walmart - again, J's idea and who am I to argue. The trip wasn't bad, in and out really, but we didn't get anything. Then we went to Babies R Us and basically cleared up the rest of our registry. It was a good BRU experience because we didn't have to deal with the staff at all. We've found that they are generally hard to find and not helpful when you do find them. We got a monitor and a contoured change pad and some sheets and other little things. Babies do need stuff. You should see the room now. It's crazy and now I have tons of laundry to do.

We had left SJ's car at J's parent's place Friday before heading to A&S's so we went there. His parents were home from the cottage and graciously let us eat half the pizza they had for dinner. We went through the pictures from the big cottage reunion weekend but I had to quit early. Apparently toxic bug sickness may be an actual cold or flu and I was not feeling well. I took our car and made J, in SJ's car, stop and get some orange juice. I think I lasted until 9pm. I slept for 11 hours and am feeling a little better today.

Today's plans are still up in the air though I just may start with some laundry. I have a room full to do.

Done

2009-08-15T11:25:00.002-04:00

Late last night I decided I didn't want to leave the house today. Yesterday was a rough day - definitely had it's good parts, but overall it was draining.

This was by far the busiest week I've had since I stopped working. And even when I was still working, I was getting to bed earlier than I did all week and managing alright. This week though, blech, I'm glad it's over.

Thursday night was my last baby shower with my baseball girls. It was really nice to see them and eat good food and play silly games. I got home really late. Sleepy J made a comment from bed about being glad I wasn't dead. I should have called. I slept on the couch in the basement so he could get good sleep (he hasn't been sleeping well) so waking up just after 4am in the basement by myself was disorienting but not the end of the world. I slept about as well as I've been sleeping lately - not great but not terrible.

I took Friday to vacuum the house. I got my hair cut and then grabbed J from his parent's house so we could go to A&S's place for dinner and my photo shoot. For some reason, right after we got in the car, I completely lost it... oh right, when J was getting in the car, he bonked my head and I bit my tongue. Nothing, right? Not when you're 8.5 months pregnant. I teared up, pulled over and got him to drive. I cried most of the way across town. Thank you, hormones.

Dinner was nice and the photo shoot was a success. I will never again yell at the girls on the Top Model shows when they struggle through photo shoots. I found it incredibly hard but thankfully A was a great coach and I'm sure the pictures turned out great. (His website.) On the way to the park where we did half the shoot, a bug flew right down my throat. I managed to cough it up and then chomp on it. It was toxic and my throat is still sore. I looked at it with a flashlight when I got home and sure enough there are white spots and red irritated skin. No wonder I've been craving orange juice.

Being physically exhausted, feeling sick from the toxic bug, and other things led to another break down as soon as I got into bed. I'm hoping today will be better, but I may not leave the house. Hormones be damned!

Busy week - proud and not so proud moments

2009-08-13T16:59:00.004-04:00

This week has been incredibly busy. I had/have plans every night but one and it's tiring me out. I'm not sleeping like a champ anymore and have a hard time fitting in naps. Imagine if I was still working....

Sunday afternoon, SW hosted a baby shower for me. It was pretty low key - only 7 people including me, but it was really nice. We talked, ate, played games (that didn't make me look or feel stupid) and I opened presents. People are SO generous. Being pregnant has shown me that, over and over. So, thank you to everyone who came out and to A&S for hosting. (Proud.)

I was lucky to also see pictures from A&S's big biking trip and hear about S's near-death experience. Crazy times.

I was out of the house most of the day and finally came home to J. He had fended for himself and made some incredibly good chicken wings with a recipe from L&S(B).

Monday I swam (Proud.) and we had our third prenatal class at night. The class was good - we learned about comfort measures and pain management options. I demo'd one of the comfort measures in front of the class. I stood up and the instructor asked how far along I was. People gasped when I said 36 and a half weeks. One poor girl had her partner ask if that made her feel bad (J said she was much bigger than me and not as far along) (Not proud.) J liked the demo because he thinks the instructor is pretty. We learned a lot and I'm liking all the options available, though I still would like to attempt labour and delivery without medication. Why not try? (Proud.)

Tuesday was my off night with nothing scheduled which turned out to be a good thing because I was so tired. We met our second midwife in the afternoon and found out that things are still looking good: my blood pressure is good, I gained 1.5 pounds over the past 2 weeks (putting my weight gain so far at 29.5 pounds) (Proud.), baby's heart beat is good, baby is still head down (Proud.) and already partially engaged (awesome!) We were both able to feel the little head - incredible! We were given homework. I haven't done any of it yet. (Not proud.)

Wednesday (yesterday) I went to S&L's for lunch and to hang out with baby R again. I also got to meet S's parents who are in town for a little while. Baby R looks pretty much the same but is keeping S&L up more so than last week. Both S and the baby had naps while I was over. This time I didn't get peed on! (Proud.)

Last night, I went across town to have dinner with all the ladies on my dad's side of the family. Eight of us gathered at Biagio's, a little Italian restaurant, and ate and drank (water for me!) Again, I was so surprised with everyone's generosity because I opened so many presents. My little kid is going to be clothed for the next year without any help from me. (Proud.)

Today I really wanted to have a good day. I got some things done and decided to go swimming at the outdoor pool since it's so hot out. I got pulled over for speeding on my way (Not proud.) but the ticket was knocked down and I only have a fine to pay (Somewhat proud.) The cop seriously seemed to feel bad and even asked if it was the hormones. I said it definitely wasn't considering I was driving the way I always do on that road. (Not lying to a cop or crying to get out of the ticket = Proud.)

I got to the pool, ran into JP and found out the pool was closed for unknown reasons. I went to the indoor pool where I normally swim and managed to get in my 20 laps. I think I'm starting to slow down because I didn't feel as good as I did Monday or last week (Not proud.) Oh well.

Now I'm home and trying to relax before heading out tonight. There's a get together with the baseball girls who I didn't see much of this summer since I wasn't playing. It'll be a good time as long as I can stay awake!

Tomorrow's big plans are to get my hair cut and to do a photo shoot with A. I'm quite looking forward to it and have been gathering ideas for shots.

Oh! Almost forgot: today my baby is officially full term (37 weeks). I have incubated this little guy for the past eight and a half months and he's ready to go any time now. (Proud.) I wouldn't mind him coming a little early but coming on the due date of September 3rd wouldn't be a bad thing. I tried so hard to not get attached to that date, but it happened. Slowly, over time. Either way, we're looking at B-Day being sometime in the next 4 weeks. Crazy!

Playing Catch-Up

2009-08-08T13:26:00.003-04:00

J Family Reunion Weekend

Last Friday I picked J up from work at lunch time so we could head to the cottage. Almost 25 family members gathered for the weekend reunion. There were games and cheating and swimming and knee boarding and volleyball and eating and lounging and napping and sailing and raining and laughing and turtle hunting. It was a jam-packed weekend and my only complaint was that I turned orange because of the iron-rich water.

Each family was responsible was dinner one night so meals were taken care of - we ate really well. I'd like to say that we slept well but we didn't. Me because I'm the size of a whale and J because he was sharing the 3/4 bed with a whale. But it cooled off every night so I wasn't the uncomfortable sweaty mess I thought it would be.

Everyone was given a duty. I was official photographer and I think I did a good job. We have hundreds of pictures from the 5 days and J was a sweetheart and went through them to make a manageable amount to send around. Family, they are coming soon.

Congratulations S&L!

Monday afternoon I received a text message from L saying that she had her baby. No details so I texted back demanding she call me. I couldn't stand the suspense. Baby R was born early early Sunday morning and after having seen the pictures and held the little guy Wednesday, I can confirm he's adorable. S&L seem to be doing well and adapting to life as proud parents of the baby who took a massive dump right after being born. Massive.

I have now held a three-day-old baby and only got peed on once. It makes me a little more anxious for my little baby, but I can wait a month for that.

Back in the water

Thursday and Friday I swam. Indoors, but still, it was incredibly nice to be back in the water and to be getting some exercise. I slept better the past two nights because of it.

Extras

It's nice being home after having been at the cottage for 5 days. And to have a weekend so soon after (meaning J is around) is nice too. Sandy was super happy to see us and purrs with more gusto than before. All we have to do is desert her for a bit and she loves us extra when we get home.

My days are starting to fill up. Lots of things to do and people to see. It's typical for the summer but tiring for me.

At least today is a day full of no plans and no rush to do them. A nice little Saturday.

Swimming, version 2.0

2009-07-30T17:09:00.003-04:00

I've been swimming at a local pool for the past two months. My goal was to go often enough to make buying a 3-month pass worth it. I can't remember what that worked out to, and I could go crunch the numbers again if I wanted, but I'm not going to.

My big plan was to try and swim three times a week since I can't run anymore. I've gone that often only a couple of weeks but that's okay. I'm getting used to swimming and can see that I'm actually getting some exercise, mostly because I'm incredibly hungry after I've swam and I almost always need a nap that day.

Being off work has helped get me to the pool more often. And being in the water feels good because I can forget the extra weight I'm carrying around.

Last week I went and saw my baseball team play. I talked to my friend JP who is a teacher and is off for the summer. She said she'd like to come swimming with me and found out that an outdoor pool near her has lane swimming. She went for the first time this week - I couldn't go with her because of a lunch date with L, but I went to the pool today by myself.

Swimming outside is awesome! Part of being pregnant and having a huge belly is that my back never sees the sun. Well it does when I'm swimming! Two birds with one stone. I think I'm a convert. Plus, being outside, it doesn't smell or feel as toxic as swimming at an indoor pool. I'm quite pleased.

I'm hoping to go at least once next week - no judging, we're at the cottage tomorrow until Wednesday and I have a date either Thursday or Friday next week at lunch already - and then regularly after that.

Classes

2009-07-29T19:51:00.000-04:00

J and I signed up for prenatal classes that are offered by the Ottawa Childbirth Education Association in our neighbourhood. They go for 2 hours every Monday night for 6 weeks. Six weeks brings us to the first week of September, which, if you've been paying attention, is the same week I'm due. I'm sure we'll make it because this baby is going to keep cooking until full term.

We had our second class this past Monday night and I'm happy to say that we're happy with them so far. I'm happy because we're both learning stuff. J is happy because our instructor is a very pretty woman.

There are 9 other couples in the class with varying due dates. There's us, at the beginning of September, the least pregnant couple due in December and everyone else somewhere in between. I'd like to say I'm the biggest girl there, belly-wise, but I'm not. I hear all the time how small I am and it would really get to me if I didn't know that it's okay. If I didn't know that the baby inside of me might be small but he's getting bigger every week.

There are so many things people worry about on a regular basis, but so many more when you're pregnant. Add to regular worry, a ton of crazy person hormones and a lack of sleep and you just might see some tears. The past 8 months have been an emotional roller coaster but I wouldn't change it for the world. Just don't tell me I'm too small.

Fun with the cat

2009-07-24T21:42:00.002-04:00

I was upstairs in the kitchen. J called up to me: "Sandy is having a great time!" Oh no, what is he doing to my cat, I wondered.

J was pushing the new stroller around the basement with Sandy in it. She was curious but wobbly while he wheeled between the couches and the coffee table.

She's being such a good sport and the stroller isn't the only thing J's put her in. He picked up the snugly and started looking around for her. He found her and grabbed her and put her in. She had one foot sticking out at a weird angle but didn't resist. He walked around for a while with her on his chest, looking pleased with himself. It was quite the sight.

I think someone's getting excited.

What do you do all day?

2009-07-23T21:41:00.002-04:00

"What do you do all day?" is a question I get asked all the time now. I admit, when I was planning on having two weeks off before my due date (September 3rd), I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself. Two weeks? At home, by myself? Would I be bored? Lonely? Okay? Sad? Excited? I had no idea.

Now that I'm off, earlier than expected, with 8 weeks sans baby ahead of me, let me tell you how happy I am. Sure, I've had moments of boredom but nothing compared to what I thought I would have.

So, what DO I do all day? Well, I sleep in a little (I planned on getting up with J every day but that just hasn't happened), I internet leisurely, I swim, I walk, I do house-y things, I read outside, I read inside, I stare at Sandy, I talk on the phone.. I do lots of things. It's quite nice actually.

I'm not sure Sandy would agree because I constantly interrupt her naps to get up for food or to pee or to do something else. I'm coming and going and I'm sure she's sleeping less than when she has the house to herself all day every day.

Even though I'm keeping busy, I love when J gets home. It used to be that Sandy would greet us when we got home. Now, Sandy and I greet J when he gets home.

I've been in to work twice since my last day. Once was to get all my paperwork signed and to pick up some things from coworkers I didn't see before I left. The other was to drop off my parking pass I forgot earlier and to swap a movie for a book. I'll have to go in again to drop off the last book I borrowed from a coworker and also for some baby showers coming up.

I don't miss my work but I do miss a lot of my coworkers. I miss getting the two free papers every day and doing the crosswords. I miss the routine, sorta. Overall I'm extremely happy being a little stay-at-home pregger though. I think J likes it too since I'm much less stressed, much happier, and his laundry magically gets done. Now I just have to work on keeping the fridge stocked and coming up with ideas for dinner every day. Baby steps. Literally.

Green Day and Rain

2009-07-18T22:49:00.002-04:00

The Green Day concert was great. The Bravery opened for them and both J and I weren't impressed. We checked them out on YouTube before we concert and found we recognized their music, but they definitely weren't great live. The lead singer seemed unable to hit notes and wavered a lot.

But Green Day. Green Day! This is a band that is awesome live. I loved all the pyrotechnics, in one song in particular, the lyrics are "bang bang goes the" something something.. and the bangs were actual bangs from things exploding. Fun!

My belly was jumping the whole concert. Three hours of jumps and twitches and spasms. Did we ever sleep well last night.

We slept so well that we slept half the day away. I'm not used to that anymore so was kind of surprised when the day sped by. A rainy day in town - no cottage for us.

We're slowly accumulating baby gear. I had a shower at work two weeks ago and after having so many contractions we went out and bought the car seat (the car seat is the only thing you "need" because they won't let you leave the hospital without one AND by getting one, we're assuring the baby will stay in the oven until B-Day) and today we got the stroller (thanks M&JMJ!)

I think I've mentioned before that we had only two options for car seats and strollers when it came to them fitting in our car. Having a Yaris has it's perks, but extra space is not one of them. So we chose the Chicco Key Fit car seat and the I'Coo Targo stroller. Soon the car seat will be living in the car (as a preventative measure I mentioned earlier) and the stroller will be wheeled around the house, hopefully with Sandy in it.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring... maybe another blog post, but maybe not.

Less than 50

2009-07-17T16:31:00.002-04:00

When you have a countdown that starts with hundreds of days, getting down to 50 left is a big deal. Since I'm a bad blogger, it's now less than 50 days until B-Day, where B stands for Baby.

Here's what's new in my world:

- We had our second appointment with the midwives. I'm still thrilled at having a midwife and not an OB even though they don't know us well yet. The baby is still measuring small but is growing from one appointment to the next. Being my size and shape pre-pregnancy hopefully accounts for a small baby. If so, I'll take it. I will also take any and all compliments on my abs.

- I was having a lot of practice contractions (called Braxton-Hicks, or, if you're J, Miles Briggs contractions) which I'm blaming on the stress I was under at work. The number of contractions per day has gone down significantly since I've been off work.

- Being off work is heavenly. I can't believe it took me 4 days to vacuum, but when you set one goal for yourself every week, it's okay if it takes 4/5 of the week to accomplish said goal.

- I have read the first two books in the Twilight series and have just started the 3rd. They are on-par with Harry Potter though I don't think will ever garner the following that that series has. A high-school love story cannot compete with wizards and dragons, even if vampires are involved.

- I am slowly working on getting more and more time in the pool and more and more colour on my pale skin. Swimming during the day with mostly older people has been interesting so far. I get a lot of comments and questions about my "delicate state" and have even been called "Sue".

- I'm looking forward to my 4th Green Day concert tonight and possibly going to the cottage this weekend. The cottage will depend on the weather forecast right before we go to the concert. I'm not overly optimistic, but either way will be rocking out tonight. I'll be sure to drink a lot of beer and inhale enough smoke to seriously harm the baby. Jokes! We'll be sitting in seats far away from all the typical concert behaviour that will be happening.

Anniversary post... 3 days late

2009-07-12T10:59:00.007-04:00

I'm three days late posting about our anniversary. Three days. I was considering mucking with the posting date but I don't want to lie. So here it is. Three days late, but better late than never.

FIVE YEARS! Five years is a long time in that when people find out I've been married for that long they ask how old I am. Hey, I got married young! But at the same time, the time has flown by. We've been together almost 8 and all 8 years have flown by. That is a good indication that we're doing something right. I'm not religious and hardly even superstitious, but maybe this was meant to be.

I've been thinking about this post for a couple of weeks and tried to come up with lists of 5 things. It was harder than I thought it would be so all I have is a list of five of my favourite things J and I have done together.

5. Before we started dating, we stayed up one night at a cottage party, talking the whole time. We were lying on a bench on the screened-in deck, enjoying every moment together. Suddenly we realized the sun was about to make its appearance. In all my wisdom, and without the effects of alcohol that had worn off hours previously, I said, "You're supposed to watch the sun rise with the person you love." How prophetic that turned out to be. (August 2001)

4. Lived apart for 3 years - J in town and me at school. It was less than a 2-hour drive and believe me, we both got to know that drive well. We spent a lot of time traveling between the two cities, a lot of time on the phone and a lot of time chatting (ICQ at the time, and thanks to that I can type pretty quickly). We got to know each other well across the distance and every time we saw each other was better than the last. Building a relationship long distance was tough but it's our relationship. (September 2001 - April 2004)

3. Getting cats. Right after we got married we bought two little cats. We picked them up on Boxing Day and our lives were changed. Even though we're down to one, I wouldn't change it for the world.

2. Getting the Mazda 3. This may be surprising, that getting a car is one of the best things we've done together but it's true. It was the first new car either of us had purchased, it was our biggest purchase together at the time, and it started a lot of things. J got very involved in the Mazda community in town and we met a lot of great people that way. He turboed the car and while doing so learned a lot. I loved that car.

1. Traveling. This isn't a one time event, this is my number 1 because of all the traveling we've done together over the years and everything we've been through because of our trips. We went to Victoria, BC three times, Costa Rica, Germany and Italy, Cuba and Mexico. We also have taken road trips to Toronto, the cottage, Niagara Falls, Montreal and Quebec City. Traveling is always an adventure. You get to see how people act when under pressure (do not make J late for anything in an airport!) and see just how cranky they get after being awake for almost 40 hours. Through everything - the good, the bad, the sometimes ugly and sometimes scary - I know there is no one I would rather travel with.

And that brings me to the end of my post. J is the person I am lucky to spend my life with. There is no one I would rather at my side during everything and anything coming my way. He is my cheerleader, my supporter, my best friend. I couldn't ask for anything more.

Through the years:

2004 - the year we got married
2005 - our first anniversary
2006 - 2 years
2007 - 3
2008 - 4

Unpleasantness

2009-07-09T11:09:00.002-04:00

Tuesday actually ended up being my last day at work. It was a busy day as I was preparing to transfer my submissions to my coworkers and going through my office. There was some unpleasantness throughout the day but the bright part of the day was definitely the baby shower my coworkers threw for me. I was brought to the conference room on my floor where about 40 people were waiting with piles of gifts for the baby and snacks and cake and balloons. It was incredible to see how many people came. I tried to not be awkward but I'm not very good at being the center of attention. It was a great time and it really shows how lucky I am to work with such a great group of people.

Unfortunately the unpleasantness of the day picked up right after the shower and by the time I left I was pretty much done. J came to help me bring everything to the car. He was amazed at all the stuff.

Tuesday night I didn't sleep well and actually kept J and Sandy awake most of the night too. It wasn't fun and it didn't take much for J to convince me to stay home yesterday. It was obviously the best thing to do so we had an impromtu day off together and my leave started a day earlier than planned. We went out for lunch and went shopping for some house-y things. I had to do my monthly blood work, which went extremely well thanks to my best friend at the blood lab. I don't even have a bruise!

We went to my work after hours to pack up the rest of my office and then went to play volleyball at Mooney's. I made the mistake of trying to play. I'm not hurt, but it sure wasn't comfortable. It's so hard to sit and watch though so I'm not sure I should go to the beach this weekend for Hope. We shall see.

Today, my first official day of leave, has been great. I slept well last night, I took my time going through my regular internet sites and had a good breakfast with Sandy. So far I've done some things around the house and am constantly thinking of other things to do. I'm very lucky to have these two months to do what I want when I want.

As a congratulations-you're-on-leave present, J got me the first two books in the Twilight series. Such a sweet guy, but I'll tell you all about that tomorrow.

Decided

2009-07-07T08:10:00.003-04:00

I had my leave approved yesterday meaning my last day of work is tomorrow! I'm super excited and can't wait to stay home. Months ago I was unsure what I was going to do at home for the two weeks before my due date. Now I have 8 but I'm really looking forward to it.

We went to the cottage for the first time this year this past weekend. The weather was not summery at all Saturday and I ended up bundled up inside the cottage reading most of the day. Relaxing but not what I was expecting. Sunday was much nicer so I read on the new boat. J and I went looking for turtles and saw a huge snapping turtle! I was so surprised - I didn't know snapping turtles were in the lake. Now I know there's at least one.

It was hard coming back to work yesterday and so I napped when we got home. Big mistake! I slept for 2 hours and that meant I didn't fall to sleep until after 3am last night. I have a feeling it's going to be a long day. But it's my second last day of work so who cares!

Drained

2009-07-02T19:56:00.002-04:00

The thing about a post like that last one is that it's draining. I thought about it for weeks and cried while writing it. So thank you for reading and thank you for your comments. I blog about myself and the things I've been through - happy and sad - so that you can get to know me. It was too much to write about at the time, but having it out there feels good. And if one person going through a miscarriage gets some comfort knowing that they aren't the only one, that is more than enough for me.

The other thing that's draining is growing new life. It's draining and exhausting and emotional and even gross. I had a little freak out Tuesday night (which felt like Friday because of the stat holiday) and normally I would go for a run to clear my head. Not an option right now, so I cried it out while lying on the couch trying to watch tv. I felt better afterwards and decided I wasn't going to be an invalid. So what some things hurt, so what I'm boiling all the time and tired. I took my new outlook into the next day and got lots done. Progress!

Speaking of progress, we have a painted baby room - it's light green and looks really good. J has been refinishing a dresser and bed that will be in there and we've decided on a crib. Getting the crib requires a road trip to Toronto and we're not sure when that will happen, but it will. Things are slowly coming together.

What seems to be stalled though is my last day of work. My manager hasn't approved anything so I'm still operating like my last day is in two weeks but there's a small chance it will be next week. I have all sorts of ideas for what I will do this summer and can't wait to be off so I can decide what to pick. I definitely want to swim more regularly and maybe start walking or biking. I would like to organize some things around the house and do some other things that have never happened. I might start baking and test out some recipes that would be good for freezer meals for the fall. I might start scrapbooking again or try something completely different. Then again, I might do nothing. And that's totally okay. I want to read the Twilight books so if anyone in town has them and wouldn't mind lending them to me, let me know!

This post wouldn't be complete without a shoutout to recent birthday babies: Canada and J's mom. Happy birthday to you both!

We're off to the cottage tomorrow. I'm going to whale it up on the beach and hope no one laughs at me. Enjoy the weekend!

Reflecting

2009-06-25T19:36:00.003-04:00

Today was my due date. Not for this pregnancy, that's not until September, but for my first one. And when you have a pregnancy that ends, all you have to hold on to are the memories you made that short time you had life inside you and the date that the doctor found using the magic wheel. Today was that date.

I had a rough time this past fall. Well, we all did. It started with seeing two lines on a home pregnancy test mid-October. I wasn't ready for those lines and I didn't believe they were there. I actually cried. And then I felt like crap. For two weeks I was emotional and ravenous. I could not get enough food into my body and I was miserable. After about a week of denial, the idea of being pregnant and having a baby sunk in and I began to accept that I was going to have to learn how to feed myself better. This is what I wanted and it was supposed to be a happy time.

I warmed up to the idea, we started getting excited and we decided on the best time to tell our family and friends (Christmas, when I hit 3 months). The first snow fall of the year was late October. The next morning our cat died. Two days later I started bleeding and two days after that I miscarried the baby I was just getting used to the idea of.

I am utterly convinced that our minds have the capacity for only so much pain. My mind was dealing with the first loss and I thought I was okay with losing the baby. I wasn't feeling like myself and I didn't like being pregnant anyways. I took the recommended time off work and J didn't go on his out-off-town training and stayed home with me. We were sad and hardly talked to each other. We wanted our lives back to where they were, knowing that wasn't going to happen.

We made it through and slowly adjusted to life with one cat and waited for my body to get back to normal. Thankfully it did so on its own and in not too long. About a month later I got sad. I was completely flat-lined, hardly eating and not wanting to leave the house. I looked into counseling because I knew there was something wrong. What I didn't know was that my mind was finally processing loss #2 and I was sad. Once I figured that out, I dealt with it and eventually felt better.

I was still more emotional than before, but J and I were happy, Sandy seemed okay and my body was my friend again. Then S&L got pregnant. That was hard, but again, we got through and I learned that I can be an angry person. I also learned that being angry is okay sometimes.

November passed and so did most of December. Christmas Day I woke up early. J was still passed out after a friendly night of vodka shots and Christmas dinner. I tested again and was happy to see those two lines. I woke him up and told him there was a present for him in the bathroom. Drunky was having none of my games so I brought him the pee stick and made him at least open his eyes to confirm what I hoped was true - we were pregnant again and I was happy.

Getting pregnant again so soon was good. I feel like the miscarriage made me lose time. I know it's not like that, but where would I be today if I hadn't miscarried? Perhaps in labour. Though if I hadn't miscarried, I wouldn't know as much about myself as I do now. I know physically and emotionally what it's like to go through one. I know better how my mind deals with stress and sadness and I know that I like to have all the information I can.

The miscarriage changed how we've been dealing with things this time. We told our parents the day we found out and have been excited over little things like nausea (a lack of morning sickness is linked to miscarriage, though this has not been proven) and getting further along than last time. I have been very guarded and only recently accepted the fact that I'm staying pregnant, which is part of the reason we waited an extra month on top of the 3 month norm to tell our friends and work. The miscarriage is the reason we chose to find out the sex of the baby. Interesting the side effects, things you would never guess would affect you, completely do.

Today is a day that I may not always remember, though this year it's meaningful in a way that I wish it wasn't. I am a changed person.

"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."

Three quarters

2009-06-25T19:09:00.002-04:00

That's right, I am three quarters of the way done this pregnancy. Today I hit 30 weeks out of 40, which means I'm almost 7 months along.

I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it - whether the past (almost) 7 months have gone by quickly or not. I do know that some days I feel incredibly large and want to trade in my belly for a slimmer model, but other days I feel remarkably normal and forget that I have such a protrusion for minutes on end. I say minutes because that's normally how long it takes for someone to say something about me being pregnant, for me to bump my belly into something or for something else to happen to bring me back to reality.

My reality at this point in time is sometimes sad and sometimes comical. It's sad because there are things that I would love to be doing but can't anymore. I would love to go out for a run or not feel out of breath after two flights of stairs (one if I go too fast). It's sad because I'm crying, whether it's because of something rational or irrational. And I'm not a crier. Life gets a little comical when I contemplate sewing a pocket onto the back of a t-shirt so I can sleep with a tennis ball on my back to stop myself from rolling over. I can't sew anything without bleeding, but thankfully I have J who will push me onto my side if he wakes up and sees I'm on my back. It's also funny if I'm lying on the couch with my cat and my belly literally jumps against her. She'll look at my belly with a I'm-not-amused look on her smooshed-in orange face and go back to sleep.

Also part of my reality are the "symptoms" typical of pregnancy. For me, my leg hurts and I can't walk anywhere without feeling like I strained my groin muscles. I'm gurgly and constantly hungry. I'm hot and forgetful and cry over nothing.

The biggest, most important symptom is the fact that there is actually something alive inside of me. I lie for hours staring at my naked stomach while the baby jumps around, bouncing off my internal organs, stretching this way and that. Sometimes it's a weird stretching sensation and other times it's like being tickled or punched on the inside.

I know the movement is what I'm going to miss most when this is all done, but I seriously cannot wait to lose the belly and look more like myself. I can't wait to be able to shop in pretty much whatever store I want. I can't wait to go for my first run or when the feeling returns to my right quad. I can't wait to have a beer or two. But most of all, I can't wait for my life to change. All I know for sure right now is that it will change. I don't know what life is going to be like, I don't know how I will change or how my family will change, but I'm ready.

Now I just have to get the things ready too and I'll be all set.

Premature

2009-06-22T20:53:00.002-04:00

My last post was premature. After some "quality" time at work Friday afternoon and much debating and consulting with friends and family, I've decided to take my mat leave sooner. Nothing has been approved yet, but I'm hoping to have an end date set by the end of the week.

Now, the weekend. It wasn't a typical weekend: J went to a cottage party while I stayed in town. It worked out well since we now have two cars so J was able to stay at the cottage as short or as long as he wanted and I was able to go around town as I pleased. And did I ever!

Friday night I went shopping for a present - more on that later - and then saw my baseball girls play. The game was part of a local fundraising/memorial tournament and I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a lot of years. It was nice and social and I was still home early enough to convince myself I had enough steam left to watch some tv. I dragged myself to bed later than I should have, but that's typical when J's out of town.

Saturday was SM's shower. Her and LS are getting married the last weekend in August. It's a little too close to baby-time so we aren't going, but I was happy to go to her shower. Except that it was all the way across town. With lots of people I didn't know. Basically, I had a hard time getting myself there, but I had a good time once there. It was a fancy brunch, shower games and present opening. I got her some body products (pink grapefruit and sugar scent) and candy. I told her to not share with her groom-to-be, that it was all for her. After the shower, I made my way back across town but in a somewhat different direction - I went to see S&L. Turns out L and I had a good night. S slept the whole time. After that I checked in on the family cats, Whitey and Blackie, and took advantage of SJ's cable tv.

Sunday was Father's Day and my plan was to see my parents. J got home a little before I left. He stayed home to unpack the car and nap while I went and spent a few hours with my parents. That night we went to J's aunt and uncle's house for Father's Day / birthday dinner. The night was topped off with a competitive family contest of our bird and plane dollar store flyers (I can't explain it better than that). My bird was vicious and kept flying into people.

Last night, my little family was back together and happy.

Counting down

2009-06-19T09:44:00.001-04:00

The countdown is on: 2 months left of work. This makes me incredibly happy.

Finally

2009-06-18T20:38:00.003-04:00

J and I are finally at a point in our lives that we can save. This may be short-lived so it's worth mentioning.

We started dating in university when I was accumulating debt and he was about breaking even. We got married right out of school and pooled our resources: my 4-years-of-university-living-away-from-home debt and his small amount of money. We worked hard and got out of the hole in 4 months. Then we started saving. We wanted a down payment for a house. We got that and then we bought the house. Bye bye savings.

Now, we've both been working in the government and recently both got raises. We actually have money that we can put aside every paycheque. How novel. So we've been going to the bank and putting money directly on our mortgage. It goes towards paying off the principle not taxes like our bi-weekly payment seems to do. And it feels awesome.

Who knows what the future holds and how much longer we can keep this up. They say babies are expensive and we'll be bringing home less money - not much less with the parental leave top ups provided by work, but less.

It's just so nice seeing that huge negative number get a little closer to $0.00.

Terrible Memory

2009-06-17T09:31:00.002-04:00

Just last night I remembered why I was so tired Thursday, apart from the fact that I didn't sleep well Wednesday night. Thursday I was scheduled for my rhogam shot. This is a shot that all pregnant women who have a negative blood type must get during their pregnancy. If you don't get it, your body can build up antibodies to your baby's blood and a lot of harm can come to the baby. If you want more information (an educated description perhaps), please read up on it. Here's a link to a wikipedia entry.

I had to go the a hospital to pick up the shot. I had instructions to go to emergency and they would direct me to the correct place. Apparently my instructions sucked because emergency had NO idea what I was talking about but did tell me that I couldn't possibly have wanted "transition medicine" but probably "transfusion medicine". Sure. I go and find admitting where they tell me to hightail it across the hospital campus to a family clinic area.

Have I mentioned that it was hot out? And I'm paying for parking? And I didn't bring any snacks or my water with me because it was supposed to be a super quick, in and out thing? It was all those things.

I get the the family clinic where I'm directed to the basement. Right, you want me to wander the bowels of a hospital. Sure! Sign me up. Sure enough, transfusion medicine WAS in the basement, hidden well away from the elevators. But it was the correct place. They knew I was coming yet I still had to wait for them to prepare the shot. I'm hungry and thirsty and hot and tired from the running around (let's just say that not being able to exercise and carrying around some extra weight is definitely taking its toll on me) so I sit and I wait. I am finally given the shot after being grilled about bloodwork that I didn't have done (wtf?) and left. I found my way up from the basement, back through the hospital and to my car. I paid for parking and set out for my doctor's office across town.

I was told to bring a cooler with me so the shot could stay chilled for the ride. Of course I forgot a cooler so I cranked the air in the car and set out. The car was not getting any colder. Finally I opened the windows and get some relief from the breeze.

At my doctor's office I have to wait to see the doctor. Then I have to wait to make sure I don't react to the shot. Again, I thought it would be a simple get the shot and leave deal so I didn't have any food or my water. Stupid stupid.

I finally got to leave, cranky and tired. I got home and shoved some food in my mouth and went to bed.

Funny thing about the broken air conditioner in our new car: I was pushing the wrong button. If it had been frosty, my back window would have been cleared, but the car still wouldn't have been cooled. The air does work and I know exactly which button to push for next time I'm cranky and hot and trying to get a shot. Thankfully that won't be again for a long time.

Purple toes, by design

2009-06-15T19:47:00.002-04:00

Last Thursday night, I dragged myself out of the house, after a huge, long, disorienting nap, all the way across town to have my first pedicure. Apparently being a 28 year old female and never having a pedicure is just wrong, or so I've been told.

I don't much like my feet so when I was asked if I wanted a pedicure I hesitated. It was something I wanted to try and what better time than now, when I can hardly see my toes let alone bend over enough to get close to them. Really, it's not easy with a watermelon attached to your front. So anyways, I reluctantly agreed.

Thursday was hellish. I didn't sleep well Wednesday night (can't remember why) and was a zombie most of the day. Maybe work sucked, maybe it was fine... I really can't remember. All I know is that I came home and passed out and was still waking up when I picked up L and S.

We went to Mahogany and believe me, I was a big ball of nerves. (Fun fact: When I was born, we had a cat named Mahogany who used to sleep on my head.) The three of us were led into a room after being given drinks. We each had our own girl and it really wasn't all that bad. I've never had my feet touched so much and for so long, but now I have fancy purple toes that look like they belong to someone else and I can say I've had a pedicure.

And my toes are purple by choice.. unlike J who has purple toes because he doesn't run good.

Immature

2009-06-11T23:39:00.003-04:00

History: I like to shave my legs. I don't like to shave them in the shower stall and prefer the tub. Because of this, J and I don't use the same bathroom.

Background information: J hates cleaning the shower stall in his bathroom. I don't blame him - there are weird angles and it's cramped when you're in there and it's cleaning.

Yesterday: We picked up a scrubbing bubbles automatic shower cleaner. That way his shower will get clean. Eventually.

Immature: The french word for shower is "douche" and this is an automatic shower cleaner. Hence auto douche.

Today: The auto douche is working out quite nicely.

That time that I tore the house apart

2009-06-10T08:26:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I acted like a tornado and ran through the house making a huge mess. You would think we'd just moved in. I think they call it nesting.

Earlier I had emptied out our spare room so I could *start* thinking about putting a baby in there. All that stuff went in the computer room and the hallway. Then I emptied out the bathroom so it could be painted. All that stuff went in the spare room. Are you seeing a trend?

Knowing that a lot of our stuff needed to find a new home, most likely in the basement, I emptied out the basement basement (our basement is half finished, one side is basement basement with the furnace and laundry and storage and the other is where we watch tv) into the living area basement.

The good news is that I got rid of a lot of stuff that we had kept, either from the move or from buying things. Boxes and boxes with plastic packaging and manuals and spare parts - a lot of it is getting recycled/thrown out. I was able to get the basement basement somewhat put back together and have only to go through some other boxes to see what else is to be kept and what can be chucked. And then I can start migrating some stuff down. We also have some things to get rid of so I'm going to check out usedottawa.com and freecycle to see if I can find people who want it instead of throwing it out. We're not the garage sale types.

The other piece of good news is that we got the first coat of paint done in the bathroom. The floor tiles are blue and the counter is grey and the walls were the brown-off-white colour that we chose when the house was built. It was driving me crazy. Now the walls are almost white and after another coat of paint will be perfect. That hopefully will happen tonight. As soon as the second coat of paint dries I'm putting everything back on the walls and in the closet and the spare room will be empty once again. Then we can start thinking about a crib and a chair and whether we want to have the 3/4 bed in the room too. It's not the biggest room.

So it was definitely a busy and productive weekend. I also managed to vacuum, go swimming and lie outside while J worked on the deck (I slathered on the sunscreen because I am still peeling from my burn almost 3 weeks ago). His plan for the deck is to have it finished - the rest of the railings and the stairs - by Sunday. We're picking up more wood tonight. We're also going to pick up some storage bins so we can have somewhere to put whatever we decide to keep from the basement.

Everything is slowly coming together and eventually my house won't look like a war zone. For now, a little chaos is okay. Having people over Sunday gives us a deadline and I definitely work better with deadlines.

Meme, because I said so

2009-06-05T14:03:00.003-04:00

Thank you all for your comments in response to my last post about exercise. So far my email reminders have been working. I managed to do the stretching Wednesday (once at work and at night). Yesterday my abs were still sore and I had my physio appointment so I didn't do the night stretches (my prerogative). Today I've done the ab stretches and will hopefully do the night ones too. I think it may be working.

I also realized that I've been sleeping more often on my back, which aggravates the nerve, which makes the pain in my leg worse. I am going to try harder to sleep on my sides.

I have lots and lots of stuff swirling around in my head these days. It actually kept me awake two nights ago. I try to write things down so I can "let go" but it doesn't seem to be working. The only way I know to combat this is to get things done. That way I know I'm working towards getting things organized/cleaned/decided on and my mind will slow down. Here's hoping.

For now, I am going to do a meme that Hannah at BrightestBlue and T at The Quack Attack have done. There will be some questions I'm not answering because I just couldn't be bothered and honestly I'm not much of a love/hate type of person. I like things and dislike things, but I'm not very polar.

1. Most loved food: I think pizza takes the cake on this one. Hmm.. cake. Problem is I have a sweet tooth but I also crave salty things. Let's go with pizza.

2. Most loved person: A weird guy ahead of me in high school, just after breaking up with his girlfriend, said that you have to be completely comfortable with who you are before you can give yourself completely to someone. It may have been his drug-induced state, but what he said makes a lot of sense. I married J before I was 100% comfortable with myself, but with his help, I've gotten there. That is my answer.

3. Most loved job: I've had a lot of jobs, but the one that gave me the most satisfaction was probably my paper route when I was a kid. I stashed away all my loonies (this was when the loonie was first introduced) and then spent all my money on the DickiDee for the next couple of summers. I've been thinking a lot about job satisfaction lately and how I don't have much. I don't know that I will ever have a job that fulfills me and have started being okay with that fact.

4. Most loved city: To live in, that would obviously be Ottawa and area. I grew up here and have chosen to settle here. To travel to would probably be Tamarindo, Costa Rica. It was beautiful and we had a great time and I would definitely go back. I don't say that about many places I've traveled to.

5. Most loved band: I listen to a Counting Crows CD every night before bed, but I've seen Green Day 3 times in concert (and have tickets for their upcoming show!) I'm more of a radio type girl though since I tend to get bored with music pretty quickly.

6. Most loved website: Google Reader - It allows me to get all the updates on all the websites I frequent without having to go to each one. Does that count?

7. Most loved TV show: I don't have just one. With a PVR I've been watching more and more shows and I love that most of them are going with the continuing theme (as opposed to just stand-alone episodes).

8. Most loved movie: Again, I don't have a favourite. I do like the Disney/Pixar movies and I like to laugh and be scared, but I don't much like going to the theater.

9. Most loved artist: I don't have one.

10. Most loved book: If Wishes Were Horses by W.P. Kinsella. It's one of the few books I own. I prefer to borrow books, but I will buy a Lonely Planet guide before I travel somewhere.

11. Most loved shop: Don't have one of these either.

12. Most loved organization: I don't donate a lot of money to organizations (I hope to donate more and more as I make more and more money).

13. Most loved historical event: I've got nothing.

14. Most loved sport: Hockey and baseball ("fastpitch softball" as they call it these days) are what I play and have always played. These days though I consider carrying a load of laundry up two flights of stairs a sport.

15. Most loved piece of technology: I never thought I would say this, but our universal remote. Without it I would not be able to turn the tv on let alone watch tv OR play XBOX. Amazing.

16. Most loved annual event: I'm going to have to go with my birthday.

Fun.

Exercise

2009-06-02T20:19:00.002-04:00

With my growing body exercise has become painful and therefore elusive. Even walking hurts most days. I'm trying to combat this, the leg pain, with physio and it's working except I don't do my part - I don't do my stretches. It's like I'm back in piano lessons, disappointing my teacher and my parents every week when I didn't practice. I never lived up to my potential because I just couldn't do it on my own.

This is a big part of my personality and why I excel at team sports and not individual ones. Running is the only thing I've done for myself, but I train better when signed up for a race. This attitude flows throughout my life, not only in sports - I need either people depending on me (like in team sports) or a deadline or set goal (like when running races). When it's just for me I can't get motivated.

Even when it's my body, with my stretches and physio, I can't do it. It is so frustrating and after my physio today I had a full-on pity party. Why can't I do my stretches? Why is my body doing this to me? Why can't I have my body back? It was awful.

I took some action. I use Google Calendar so I set up some reminders for myself. I don't know how it's going to work or even IF it's going to work, but I need to do this. For myself. If you have any tips, please let me know. Can I change my personality enough to get better?

Quebec City

2009-06-01T21:37:00.004-04:00

J and I decided early on in this pregnancy to take one last trip together before September (aka, a babymoon). That trip was this past weekend to Quebec City. We chose Quebec City because neither of us had been and it was not too far to drive. We booked last Friday and today off work a while ago, but only booked our hotel Thursday night. That was J's brainchild since I was of the mind that "showing up and seeing what happens" hasn't failed us before, but I was happy with our accomodations.

Quebec City is old and partially walled-in. You can read all about it on Wikipedia, but basically, what you need to know, if you haven't been, is that almost everything is within walking distance and there are a lot of hills. We did what my Lonely Planet Canada book said to do: got to the city, parked the car and had a good time. We walked everywhere. Why two people like ourselves (one with multiple missing toenails, the other with an extra 20 pounds to lug around with a bad leg) decided on a walking trip is beyond me. But it worked and we're sore but happy.

We saw all the major landmarks (the citadel, parliament, and wall, the latin quarter, the parks, the narrowest street, the funicular, Place Royale) on foot in the rain. I might have complained about all the walking and the rain and tried to hide my shortness of breath with made-up photo-ops, but I wouldn't have changed anything. We had a great time.

I don't think I would choose to go back to Quebec City only because I could go somewhere else, but I'm glad we went. It's a beautiful city that does feel similar to some European cities we've been to (Frankfurt and Florence to me).

We took lots of pictures that are now up on Picasa. I'm keeping them private but will share them with you if you let me know you'd like to see them - comment or send me an email.

Today was a bonus day since we got home yesterday early evening. We slept in, did laundry, got groceries, went swimming/to the gym and lounged about. Tomorrow we're back to work. At least it's a short week.

Weekend Wrap-up

2009-05-25T21:40:00.002-04:00

This was the busiest weekend we've had recently. I can't remember what we did Friday night but I have enough to fill pages and pages from Saturday and Sunday so who cares!

Saturday was day one of the big race weekend in town. I signed up for the 5K a while ago thinking I would totally still be in charge of my body. How wrong I was! Even so, we went, we walked and we conquered. Walking was the weirdest thing ever. It takes away the competitive mentality and the urgency. I am in no way converted. I miss running like you would not believe, but I did what I could and had fun with it.

We pinned my bib to my stomach and a baby on board sign to my back (thanks L for that great idea). J and I walked hand in hand and we got so many comments from other runners and walkers and spectators. It was fun and emotional and everything I wanted. And I did it, we walked right through the finish line.

We kept walking right back to the car so that we could get home, pretty ourselves up and get to the wedding. This wasn't just any wedding, it was the Hot 89.9 Married in 24 Hours wedding. B and K won it (I still don't know how) but the wedding was a ton of fun. We missed the ceremony but we didn't miss the party. Everything was provided - buffet style food and dessert and screech shots and colourful shooters. Rides home were provided so people inbibed and some who got "screeched in" were actually from Newfoundland. I missed seeing a guy make out with a fish but it happened.

Congratulations B and K!

We left earlier than we would have normally because Sunday was race day #2 and started early. J hit the streets at 9am along with his ma and pa to run 21.1K. We weren't sure how he'd do and SJ and I waited patiently about half way through the course to cheer on our runners. I was quite happy when J bobbed up beside us looking good. A bit later, J's dad walked by and later J's mom ran by. They were all happy with their times, though J had a nasty surprise waiting for him when he took off his shoes: 3 blood blisters. He had lost one toenail two weeks ago and has lost another 2 now. He was in pain and needed a nap. I don't blame him.

I got way too much sun and have been having trouble sleeping this week with the burns on my shoulders. So this week has been long but I just realized that tomorrow is our last work day. We booked off Friday and Monday and are heading to Quebec City for a little trip (some might say a "babymoon"). I'm quite looking forward to it. Now I go get some sleep so tomorrow is as zombie-ish as today.

I can't believe it

2009-05-22T12:03:00.002-04:00

A local radio station had a contest to win a free wedding. I don't listen to this station so I had no idea. This morning though, I learned all about it. Why? Because friends of ours won the contest and are getting married tomorrow! It's insane.

K and B were already engaged and, as far as I knew, planning a wedding in their hometown. I have no idea if they're still going ahead with that one after tomorrow. TOMORROW!

Congrations K and B!

Midwifery

2009-05-20T20:03:00.002-04:00

I didn't want to post about the topic until I was sure, but today we officially chose to have our primary care giver for the rest of the pregnancy be a midwife instead of an OB/GYN. About 6 weeks ago, my GP, who I had been seeing monthly (which is standard practice), referred me to an OB. J and I were able to choose the OB and booked our first appointment.

Around that same time, I decided to look more seriously into midwifery. I heard it was good for low-risk pregnancies with very personal care and attention, less instance of drug relief during labour, shorter labours, shorter hospital stays, etc. I called around and was put on the waiting list for the two main midwiferies in the area. I was told that the chances of a spot opening up were slim.

The week before our first appointment with the OB, I was called by both groups and offered a spot. I was thrilled but cautiously so. There were so many unknowns and I didn't want to get my hopes up until meeting with the midwife.

I chose to meet with a midwife from the group closer to the hospital and had that appointment today. J and I left work early and met with a midwife and a student. After listening to the overview of midwifery, J and I decided it was definitely for us and officially signed up.

We will meet with two midwives and one student for the rest of the pregnancy. All three will be present at the birth and are always on-call in case of emergencies. We are very pleased. Thigns seem to be falling into place.

End of an era

2009-05-19T08:25:00.002-04:00

Today marks the day that my Flickr Pro account expires. I knew it was coming because Flickr sends you gentle reminders that you should buy another Pro account, but it's here. My intention was to switch over to Picasa seamlessly using a neato tool called Migratr. Migratr, friends, does NOT work! Don't even bother trying. When I can't figure something out, I got to J. When J can't figure something out, it doesn't work. End of story.

I'm going to try and start using Picasa more regularly, though that depends on me taking pictures more regularly as well. Yesterday, I went for a solo walk through Vincent Massey park and took lots of pictures. It was a beautiful day and I desperately needed to be alone and to be out of the house. I love my house but I needed out.

Those pictures will be put in Picasa soon (fingers crossed!)

So goodbye, Flickr. We had a good run. I met lots of good people through Flickr and shared thousands of pictures there and on this blog. I'm hoping Picasa will be a fraction as good as you.

A runner no more

2009-05-18T15:12:00.005-04:00

I went out yesterday to run at least 4K before the race next weekend. It didn't go well. Let's just say that I am no longer able to run. My body will not let me and with only Tylenol to soothe the pain, I will not be pushing it.

I never expected this and am quite frustrated with my body. In my mind, I was going to be the perfect little pregger who exercised and stayed fit her entire pregnancy, popped out a beautiful baby and quickly went back to her former self. It's not going that way and it's disappointing.

It's especially hard to re-align my mindset: it's OKAY that I can't run anymore. It's OKAY if I nap instead of exercising. I have to remember my main goal here is to have a healthy baby. I'll have time after all this is done to reclaim my body, to do the things I want to do.

So please, if you can do one thing, go and get some exercise. Do it for the people who want to but can't do it themselves. Run because you can.

Insignificant

2009-05-17T08:08:00.002-04:00

It's hard to blog about my life when something much bigger is happening. Something this big puts things into perspective. My worries suddenly seem small and silly.

I'm talking about live organ donation. One of J's uncles recently went under the knife and gave one of his kidneys to his brother, another of J's uncles. Both uncles are doing well from all reports.

It has been an interesting journey to watch. Uncle D with the under-performing kidneys was told he needed a transplant. His wife and three brothers jumped into action, all getting testing as soon as they could. Two of the brothers were a perfect match. More testing followed and decisions were made between the two potential donors. Uncle B was the winner and a date for the surgery was set.

Having watched too much tv, I thought it would be a dual operation with both men in the same room, kidney out of one and directly in the other. It didn't exactly happen that way, but it happened. Uncle B's kidneys are both functioning well: one in his body and the other in Uncle D's body.

Incredible.

The Kidney Foundation has way more information that I could ever tell you.

Mother's Day

2009-05-10T10:45:00.003-04:00

Being pregnant has given me a new perspective on Mother's Day. We all know what the day is meant to be and that hasn't changed, but now that I feel like I'm on the brink, I'm close to being celebrated today, along with all the millions of other woman who have children, and my attitude has somewhat changed.

I do not feel like those who are pregnant deserve to be celebrated today, no matter how many I know who have received Mother's Day cards. Pregnant woman are celebrated enough: I can't get through a single conversation in which my "state" doesn't come up. Not that I mind: this is my job. For 9 months I am primarily growing new life. But the closest I've been to being a mother is taking care of my cat and she's pretty independent.

No, real mothers, whether their children are young or old, at home or have left the nest, biological or adopted, real mothers have put in some serious time. They deserve today to celebrate the fact that they made it as far as they have.

Growing up, my brother and I were well behaved, for the most part. We tended to get in trouble together and make up while in our separate rooms and come down before the time-out was up. We fought more when we hit puberty: my friends were more interested in seeing my brother. Unfortunately, my brother's friends showed no interest in me, at least that I knew of then or have ever heard of. What a hit to the ego. I don't know how many time I frustratedly told my friends, "No, we can't play at my house today."

My brother and I started doing what teenagers do and surely gave my parents heart attacks on a weekly basis. We played competitive sports and were constantly injured, we started going to parties and were constantly not home on time or even until the next morning. We went away to university and got into trouble with regular university student stuff. We had serious and not-so-serious relationships.

Somehow we made it out okay and somehow our parents still cheer us on.

Whether you consider this a "hallmark holiday" or not, I hope you agree that moms deserve to be celebrated in some way. J and I celebrated mother's day by seeing my parents. We gave my mom a card and a book and hung out for a while. On the way home, we dropped off a card for J's grandmother and at night we had J's parents and sister over for dinner. It was definitely a family day.

I'll save mother's day celebrations for myself for next year, when I really deserve it.

Wet

2009-05-09T11:27:00.002-04:00

It is pouring. Absolutely coming down. And J wants to go for a run. Good luck with that, babe! We got caught in the rain yesterday too. These are the April showers we didn't get last month. I don't mind the rain, really, but I don't like being caught in it. Last year, it rained every Monday and Tuesday night in May and June. I remember specifically because those were the nights I had sports.

This morning I'm doing what I do most Saturdays: laundry and catching up on tv. It's a routine that I quite enjoy. This week I watched a lot of my recorded shows so I don't have much to watch this morning. I felt like I was by myself a lot and was hit by a whack of hormones last night. I didn't know I could cry so much. Such is the life of most preggos I know.

Earlier this week I got wet on purpose: J and I went swimming. Ever since running got painful I've wanted to try swimming. After checking out a local pool last weekend, I was more comfortable with the idea. J and I went after work Wednesday to get me a bathing suit. My bikins just don't cut it anymore. I found a nice sporty two-piece and we both got goggles. We went kinda last minute Thursday night to another pool for a leisure swim (unlike lane swimming, the pool isn't divided and you end up getting splashed by fat kids, in my limited experience anyway). I relearned how to do front crawl and breast stroke and got used to my goggles.

Being in the changeroom with mostly younger girls was a strange thing: I was so self conscious of my stomach. J had to keep telling me to stop sucking it in when I emerged only a little scarred. Now I'm quite sure swimming will be good for exercise when I can no longer run. All we need is a second lock and possibly a membership.

I don't know exactly what's going on this weekend. We have things to do for sure, but nothing crucial past getting groceries. Hopefully i can keep my hormones in check and stay dry.

Who knew?

2009-05-07T20:00:00.002-04:00

Guess what? If you wear a shirt and stretch it with your pregnant belly, it won't ever go back and you won't be able to wear it after the belly goes away. So, listen all you pregnany ladies, don't stretch out your favourite shirt.

This is the gem advice I got today from a coworker. I'm not sure if she thought I was wearing an expensive shirt and stretching the crap out of it (it was an $8 shirt from Walmart) and didn't realize the physics of material OR if I'm just plain stupid.

I get it. Thank you. I'll be careful with my clothing from now on. You've saved my wardrobe from my swollen stomach.

Huh?

2009-05-04T08:04:00.002-04:00

It's a little after 8am on Monday morning and what do I hear... the sound of a can of pop being opened. At this hour? Really? Though maybe it's juice or something else that isn't carbonated, but that sound screams COLA.

Wednesday afternoon, I had the ultrasound of my leg. They were checking for blood clots and thankfully didn't find any. Now it's up to the physiotherapist to make me better. That starts this afternoon and I didn't run yesterday so that my muscles would be ready for whatever happens at these appointments.

Saturday we went downtown to see the tulips and meet up with A&S, S&L and L's sister and boyfriend. Truth is, there weren't many tulips out yet so we walked around Major's Hill Park and eventually found a gelato place (this time last year we were enjoying gelatos on Italy...) A&S came over for dinner afterwards.

Sunday was a lot of running around. We finally checked out a city pool where I'm thinking of swimming. I was worried lane swimming was like a traffic jam of super fit people all with perfect form. What I saw made me feel much more comfortable about dragging my inflated belly back and forth in the water and calling it exercise. Now I just need a bathing suit. I dropped J off at the gym so he could work out and run home and I went to see my parents. I got all sorts of news about my family and told them about my upcoming physio and potential swimming. But the main event of the day was dinner with my baseball girls in honour of JK&M getting married this month and then a comedy show at Absolute Comedy. I was pleased that we hadn't seen any of the comics before and quite liked the warm-up act and both headliners.

I was exhausted by the time we got home but the good kind of exhaustion where I know I spent my weekend among family and friends and was happy to collapse into bed with my little family: an exhausted J, a kicking baby-in-my-belly, and a purring cat. I have it good.

Getting Places

2009-04-29T18:08:00.002-04:00

When I first wrote about being pregnant I said that I wouldn't complain about it on this blog. I'm sticking to that, but I'm going to talk about some pain I've been having, not because I want you to feel sorry for me, but because I want to document it. I use this blog all the time to go back and see what I was doing and this is no different.

I've mentioned before that I was seeing a massage therapist because of some pain in my leg. For the past month, my right quad has been hurting and my doctor is convinced that the extra weight I've gained is pushing on the nerves that run along my spine. The nerve that goes to my right quad is being especially effected. I tried massage and got very little relief and decided to go back to the doctor when I was having more intense pain more often. I now have a prescription for physio, which, like massage, is covered under my health care plan. I was recommended a physio therapist in my neighbourhood and went yesterday to speak with him. I have my first appointment booked for next Monday.

That's not all. After seeing my doctor, she thought that maybe I should get an ultrasound on my quad in case the problem isn't in my bck but in my leg. Her admin called me and set up the appointment. With non-pregnant people they would x-ray the back, but an ultrasound is safe for me and baby so that's the route we will go. I have that appointment this afternoon.

The leg pain doesn't seem like a typical pregnancy symptom and was really getting to me. I can handle the nausea and the crying and the food aversions/cravings. I can handle the symptoms that everyone seems to have, to some degree. But this isn't something that everyone seems to have and it's been affecting my ability to do any kind of physical activity and is now waking me up at night. Believe me when I say that I need my sleep!

After learning about the ultrasound and making the physio appointment, I'm feeling much better. Kind of like how I was feeling at the beginning of the massage treatment - optimistic. I'm optimistic that it's possible something can be done and I can get on with being pregnant and having the regular pregnancy symptoms. I can get back to going to the gym and running without feeling like I'm killing the muscles in my leg. In time anyways.

We're getting places in good time.

Social weekend

2009-04-28T08:49:00.002-04:00

The big goings on of this past weekend were the social events that I've been avoiding all too often in the last few months. There was a bachelorette party and a baby shower. But let's back up to Friday night so I can regale you with my super exciting night: I went to bed before 9pm and slept for almost 12 hours. How is that possible you ask.. well I don't know. But it happened and my life got more exciting after that.

Saturday was beautiful. Honestly. Summer weather in April. That hardly ever happens, but it did and we took advantage. J and LS spent hours washing and waxing their cars. I went for a run and got sunburnt. My run was better than the last one so I'm hopeful I'll still be able to pull off the 5K. Speaking of the race, I'm really proud of J for signing up for the 1/2 marathon at race weekend. The 5K is Saturday night and the half is Sunday morning. The poor guy though doesn't just want to finish, he wants to beat my time and his dad's time from last year's Army race. Probably doable, but I'd rather him just go to finish and see how things go. He's too competitive for that. I'll be cheering from the sidelines.

I knew that running is hard on me these days so I slept for a while in the afternoon before heading out. We had dinner with J's family. A nice bbq on the deck before the storm rolled in. When the storm was gearing up (apparently a tornado touched down even!) I was heading downtown for JK's bachelorette party. I found the little restaurant in the market and spent the next 4 hours playing games and catching up with some ball girls. JK was done by the time I left. Poor her, the party was only gearing up, heading to the bar. I headed home exhausted.

Sunday day was nice. We actually had no plans so I had a chance to make two onesies for JB's shower, time to do laundry and catch up on tv. J had time to sleep in. Hardcore. I managed to drag him into Walmart (he didn't even cry!) and to some other stores. The boy hates shopping. We had dinner so I could go to my party.

The baby shower was actually the first one I'd been to outside of work. BC organized and hosted and did a great job. There was tons of food and drinks and games and presents and I had a great time. I was worried it was going to be a huge group of girls that I didn't know all squeeling over pink and frilly baby stuff, but it wasn't. There were maybe a dozen of us and hardly any squeeling at all. The games were actually fun. I won a little massager thingy.

[Let me go on a rant here for a minute. Possibly a hormonal rant, but I have my excuse.]

A couple of weeks ago, a woman at work told me that I looked pregnant from the back. People, I don't care if this is true, in my case or with anybody else: NEVER say this to a pregnant woman! She is hormonal and may cry and have to "go home sick". Tell her (i.e. me) that she looks good, that she looks like she did before except the little belly sticking out, that she's glowing... pour on the compliments. Believe me, she doesn't want to hear how big her ass has gotten or that her face is getting fat. Be nice to the crazy lady.

[End rant.]

The girls at the shower said all the right things to me. I didn't cry. It was nice.

Even after a busy weekend, I was dreading going back to work. I can't wait for my new coworkers to be trained enough to take on their own work. It's busybusybusy and I'm tired. I'm *this* close to starting a countdown until my mat leave, not that I know when that'll start yet. Decisions decisions.

Regular week

2009-04-24T08:37:00.002-04:00

Who knew that a regular 5-day work week would be so hellish? The hell started early Monday morning when a new admin started just down the hall from me. She has the most annoying voice I've ever heard and because she's an admin, she talks all the time. I don't normally keep my iPod on all day because too many people call me and come to see me, but it was on the minute she opened her mouth and packed up when I left for the day. It's been this way all week. And, to drive my point home, I was looking forward to meetings this week if I meant I wouldn't have to hear her voice. I don't normally enjoy meetings. At all.

I need to get some new music.

Yesterday was busy. I had yoga at lunch, a massage after work and a hair cut at night. All this after a crappy sleep and a full day of work.

Yoga was good. It was the second last class and there won't be another session. I might have to start going to the gym regularly. Too bad my body feels like I've been at the gym every day even though I haven't. Maybe I'll just work on running 5K so I don't die on race day.

I've been seeing a massage therapist because of some pain in my leg. My doctor thinks it's the extra weight (you'd think I'd gained 100 pounds, but no, not even 10) pushing against the nerves in my back making my right quad go numb. Good times. Yesterday I got to try the pregnancy pillows. They were hard to get onto because they slid around the table, but once I was all set up, it felt good. I felt kind of drunk afterwards, a feeling I am no longer used to. I sat in the car awhile before driving away.

My haircut was a bit of a disaster. I was afriad what it would look like this morning when it was up to me to style it. Turns out I like how it looks today better than last night. It's not a dramatic change and no one has noticed so far. I do have pictures, but not for posting. Yet.

Speaking of pictures, my Pro Flickr account expires in May so I've stopped posting my pictures there. I've looked into Picasa, which is linked to Google (I do everything through Google so Picasa will fit in nicely). There's an application to migrate all Flickr pictures to Picasa. It even keeps your tags and descriptions. I tried it out, but wasn't able to get more than 2 pictures transferred. I need the help of a techie and thankfully am married to one. I just need to strap him to the computer chair and make him help me. Easier said than done.

Back to work and music.

Full week and weekend

2009-04-20T11:11:00.002-04:00

The work week, which was only three days for me, was extremely busy. I left every day feeling like a zombie and wanting desperately to be in bed. Trying to cram 5 days of work into 3 will do that I guess. And because of my tiredness, I didn't do much on the weeknights last week.

The weekend though was full. I cleaned the house Saturday before my family came over. It was my dad's side - about 15 people. We all live in town and hardly ever see each other so I thought a family get together was in order. It was two hours of food and drinks and catching up. My aunts got all squeely about my belly, which is quite obvious now. After all that, I needed a nap.

Saturday night was C&Ss house warming party. They moved in to an old row house but made it their own with a very colourful paint palate. It made me really want to get going on painting our place. It was nice to see everyone again. I think the last time was in the fall, but can't remember when exactly.

Sunday was more relaxing and I managed to fit in a run and lots of quality time with Sandy before we headed over to S&Ls for dinner. It was like old times. I was exhausted by the time we got home (are you seeing a pattern here?) and went right to bed. I didn't take my vitamins all weekend and found I slept better and wasn't nauseous during the day. I feel guilty and am going to start taking them again tonight. We'll see how it goes.

Other than that, it's a new week. My body is tired from my run yesterday. I only went 3K so I'm thinking that the 5K race at the end of May might be a little tougher than I originally thought. But I have decided on a t-shirt for the race thanks to L for her idea of a baby on board sign on the back. Now I just have to figure out if I can make it or if I should order one. Decisions decisions.

When quotes resonate

2009-04-14T13:21:00.004-04:00

I like quotes. There's something about reading words written by someone else that mean something to me. Lyrics are good too, especially when it's a good song.

This morning, while I was at home waiting for the guy to come and fix the water heater that crapped out sometime last night, I was watching tv. The words below were said in the opening scene to the show I was watching:

time is priceless yet it costs us nothing
you can do anything you want with it but own it
you can spend it but you can't keep it
and once you've lost it there's no getting it back
it's just gone

A couple of days ago it hit me that my life is going to change dramatically in not too long. Also, that my body, which is changing every single day, will never be the same as it was. Neither is a bad thing and I'm quite happy being pregnant and quite looking forward to having a baby.

Having a whole day off gave me a lot of time to think about the quote and my changing life. At least the guy came inside the window we were told and fixed the heater and I was able to clean. Sandy didn't like being locked up for the hour, but forgave me by sleeping in her jail for most of the afternoon. Interesting.

J got home from work early and we were able to spend some time together walking around the neighbourhood while it was still light out. Leaving the house was much needed for me.

Today was the kind of time well spent and my belly is only slightly larger than it was yesterday.

Racing - A History

2009-04-12T08:31:00.003-04:00

May 2005 was the first time I signed up for and ran a race since cross-country in high school. That year I did the 5K in the National Capital Race Weekend. I didn't know how far 5K was to run and all of my training happened on a treadmill at the gym. I didn't know then that the treadmills are in miles so I was running 5 miles (8K). The race went by much quicker than my training runs.

The year after I did the 10K. I was quite pleased with myself having never run that far in my life.

2007 was going to be my break through year. I was training for the half marathon, but ended up with a calf injury. I did the 10K instead.

My breakthrough came last year when I trained for a completed the half marathon in the Army Run.

This year I really want to run in the May race again. So J and I signed up for the 5K. This will be my only race while pregnant so let's hope I make it the whole way. My goal is not to beat my previous time or even to run the whole way. My goal is to cross the finish line and stay active and healthy while I grow a new life.

Suggestions for what to put on my t-shirt are welcome.

IT'S A BOY!!

2009-04-08T21:16:00.002-04:00

The ultrasound this morning went really well - the baby has all the right parts and measured at the size he should according to the dates. I can't believe that the techs can decipher anything they see. All I see is white-ish-gray blobs on a black background. At one point I thought we were looking at the head when we were looking at the kidneys. Could have fooled me! But she said everything looked good and I will take her word for it.

I was a little surprised to find out it's a boy. There isn't any way I could have known, but I was thinking it was a girl. I don't know a thing about babies either way so it'll be fine either way.

We went back to work after the appointment and started telling people, starting with the family. I think J's grandfather is happy that the family name will live on, not that we were the only hope, but still. We told friends and the people at work. I don't feel any different, but people seem excited all over again. It's a strange thing.

Also strange was feeling the baby move for the first time tonight. For the last week or so, I've been feeling movement but was completely unsure whether it was the baby or gas (nice, I know, but true). Tonight was the baby, no question, and it was strong enough that J was able to feel it too. Incredible.

Today it all became more real.

Boy or Girl?

2009-04-08T10:02:00.004-04:00

What do you think: boy or girl? Respond in the comments!

If the baby cooperates during the ultrasound, we'll know the sex in about an hour.

Concentration levels at work this morning: non existent.

Resolutions in April?

2009-04-06T15:30:00.002-04:00

I went to the gym today for the first time in two weeks. Yes, it had been a while. I'm not freaking out because the membership cost is ridiculously low, but my body is happily tired and I'm just tired tired now. Such is life on a dreary Monday.

While I was at the gym, I was reading Chatelaine. I can read while I bike on the recumbant bike, which makes the time fly by. Anyways, I grabbed a magazine that I didn't think I'd read before. I base this on the colour of the cover. Very scientific of me. Turns out, I hadn't read it and it was the January edition. This year's or not, I'm not sure.

The big deal around January is resolutions and getting out of debt from all that money you spent over Christmas. I'm quite a ways away from Christmas and resolution- and debt-time, not that I'm big on either, but still, reading some of the articles about resolutions was interesting. It's good to take a minute to check at the progress we've made or just to reflect on where we are, whether it's a long distance from where we came or not.

Now that I think about it, making resolutions around the new year for a whole year, is pretty silly. The 101 things to do in 1001 days is even harder to come up with "resolutions" or things that will still matter after that long. I don't care, at this point, if I do many of the things on my list. At least not before the deadline, though I do have another year and a half. I'm wondering if I can update the list. It's my list so why not?

My April resolution is now to update my 101 things to do in 1001 days and really try to make the things doable yet challenging. Looking at my list, I know what works and what doesn't, and why not make it a little easier to cross things off the list? That sounds like fun. Having fun is good. Making lists is good. Done!

And then...

2009-04-02T10:04:00.002-04:00

J and I had a great time yesterday with our big reveal. We wanted to wait to tell everyone until yesterday, but if you've seen me in person lately, you'd know that my belly is getting hard to hide.

Yesterday morning J and I both updated our status on Facebook to "is totally pregnant". In the comments, people hesitatingly congratulated us and J's work friends debated all day whether it was real or a prank. I have to admit that I don't like being pranked, but this was fun.

It's a big relief to finally be able to blog about being pregnant. It's been my reality for the past 4 months yet I haven't been able to say anything. We kept things relatively quiet for the first three months, telling our parents and siblings and some close friends. We told more family and friends at the 3 month mark, but wanted to wait a little longer to tell the whole world. Four months seemed like a good time for the big reveal, especially since that fell on April Fool's.

This is definitely real. I'm due at the beginning of September. I'm not too attached to the due date because chances are it will change. I've had some ups and downs along the way, but generally things have been good.

I'm hoping this blog doesn't morph into a forum where I complain about my situation. Of course there are things that are uncomfortable and things I don't like but those conversations are for me and J (sorry J!) Tomorrow I will come up with something interesting and non-pregnancy related to say.

What's the date again?

2009-04-01T07:56:00.000-04:00

K is totally pregnant.

Salty

2009-03-30T19:01:00.001-04:00

Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend’s success. — Oscar Wilde

I'm wondering if my nature is fine or more granular.

Really? Honestly? Seriously?

2009-03-26T16:28:00.003-04:00

You! The one who works in a cubicle environment. I have a question for you.

Do you have someone who sits near you who uses their phone on speakerphone?

There's this manager. He sits across the hall from me. His office has a door. A functioning door. Yet he still makes calls using speakerphone. But what really gets me is when he checks his messages on speakerphone. With the door open!

Really? Honestly? Seriously?

Balance

2009-03-25T11:12:00.003-04:00

"Balance is what you find when you step off the scale."

I am not overweight nor have I ever dieted (thank you genetics and athleticism) but I can imagine that phrase being a life-saver to those watching the numbers on the scale intently.

I know there's a delicate balance between how we look and how we feel. I also know that even the prettiest people have things that they hate about their bodies. Why? Because it's their body.

It took me years, but I'm quite happy with my body. Sure there are things that I may change if I could, but then I look at some plastic surgery addicts and wonder what they think when they look in the mirror. At least my flaws came with me (though the bruises and dents and scars were add-ons) and make me who I am.

I know that weight isn't only a number, but it can be. As long as you're healthy and feel good about yourself, why care what number shows on the scale? I would much rather be a little more plump but happy and oozing confidence than eating only celery and rice cakes and being completely miserable.

I think I've found my balance.

Work In Progress

2009-03-24T13:04:00.002-04:00

The Work In Progress that is my life seemed to strike a chord with some of you reading. I guess no one knows what's going on, really. I know for me, I need to appreciate the things that I have, because I have everything I need. Maybe I need to take stock. I think too that it's part of our culture, a consumerist culture, to want things and to measure our happiness in "things".

For anything positive to happen, I need to be in the right frame of mind. I'm getting there by getting enough sleep, enough exercise and eating well. The hardest of the three is eating well. Even though my schedule isn't very full, I find it hard to have time to prepare food. I've read over and over that preparing your own meals instead of eating out is cheaper and healthier. Why can't I do it? Why is cooking such a chore? Definitely something I have to work on, more so than getting enough sleep and enough exercise.

Apart from the big things, I've tried making some smaller changes. I don't know why these make me happy but I'm taking my time in the shower and taking my time when I walk places and I'm less road-ragey when I drive (which isn't often). I think I was impatient before, and probably still am, but accepting the fact that I have to commute to work instead of being resentful of the time I have to spend in transit is cathartic.

What else is cathartic? Eating mint chocolate chip frozen yogurt that tastes like it's actually ice cream and taking the time to tell you about it.

Oh, the dusting of snow from Sunday did melt. Bring on real spring with warmer weather. I want to be able to run outside more regularly because I want to run the 5K race at the end of May. That is not a thing that I want, it's a goal. Running a race and learning to enjoy cooking. That'll keep me busy.

Snowing in Spring

2009-03-22T09:27:00.002-04:00

It's officially spring and it snowed last night. There's a light dusting on the ground. I'm hoping it will all melt today.

Since it's spring, I'm feeling the urge to clean and to organize. Most of the house looks like a tornado went through, but it's a work in progress. We did our taxes and now we're thinking of paint colours for some rooms and pictures to hang on the walls. We're thinking of ways to better organize the basement and the garage. Lots to do.

The meeting at work to tell my boss my decision to stay was not the greatest. For the first time ever, I cried at work in front of people. I'm hoping, as one coworker said, it made my point stronger - that the current situation was really affecting me. Who knows.. it's over now. I'm staying in my current job with my current boss. Not ideal, but the best I have.

That's something I'm working on: being happy with what I have. Whether it's at work or in my personal life, I'm trying to be happy and enjoy every day. Maybe it's the influence that yoga is having on me - that hour every Thursday afternoon to slow down - or maybe it's just that I've had more time to reflect lately. I'm not really sure. All I know is that the more you put in, the more you get out. It's time for me to put 100% into everything I do.

I wonder if that will translate into more regular blog posts....

Spring!

2009-03-18T11:23:00.002-04:00

The past few days have felt incredibly spring-like and I have to admit that the weather and the sunshine is lifting my mood. Combined with other things I'm sure, it's making me happier and I feel like I have more energy.

The movie Friday night was a marathon. I'm used to watching movies in the comfort of my basement where we have a pretty good setup. Watchmen must have been well over 2 hours because I was starting to get sore from sitting. The movie itself was pretty good, just a little long.

Saturday was a beautiful day. J had two guys over to work on a friend's truck for many many hours. I enjoyed my leisure time and got my laundry done, went for a run and had a nap - all things I wanted to do. That night, J and I went out separate ways. He went with some friends to a bar downtown with the sole purpose of consuming many beers (mission accomplished!) while I went to a bar not-quite-downtown to celebrate a friend's birthday. My night was much tamer than J's: I was home before midnight and I did not puke.

Sunday was my social day. I went to see my parents in the morning and then went shopping with SJ. While we were out, J washed SJ's car and put on a piece that will stop the back bumper from being scratched. Her car was shiny and new when we got back. We went and had dinner with her and J's parents that night.

The only thing missing from my weekend was a trip to the grocery store and that was done Monday after work.

Yesterday after work we went to College Square to find me a spring jacket. I don't know if all the planets aligned or what, but we walked into the store, went right to where the jackets were, and found one, in my size, that was perfect. It was everything I wanted in a coat. This never happens to me. Happy as a clam, wearing my new coat, we continued shopping. Not finding a single other thing did nothing to dampen my spirits. Believe me when I say that I love this coat.

And today. Today is the day that I make a final decision on what to do about my job. Truth is, I've already made the decision and I feel a ton of relief. Today I'll tell my boss my decision. Big day.

Massage

2009-03-13T11:48:00.002-04:00

I had my first ever massage after work yesterday. What an experience!

I've been having pain in my leg and my doctor thinks it's a nerve thing in my back. Sure enough, the massage therapist was able to pinpoint the exact location. This appointment was a general one but my next appointment will be more focused. She thinks she'll be able to get me better in one or two more sessions.

While I was there, J went to Canadian Tire and bought things. Not things I would have bought, but he was happy. We went and had dinner with his mom afterwards and then went home to see Sandy.

I am ridiculously behind in my laundry - I have to go downstairs every morning to get a pair of clean socks (why can't I just bring the clean clothes up and start the process again? I don't know.)

Backing up to my last post, games night at S&L's was a good time. The game, At Wit's End, was really hard and often made me feel pretty dumb, but at least I wasn't alone. Most of this past week was the routine of go to work and come home, eat and fall asleep. Not very exciting. Tonight though we're going to see Watchmen. I finally saw a preview this morning and agreed to go. Apparently it's good. We shall see.

Playing Catchup

2009-03-07T13:22:00.003-05:00

What a better way to start the weekend than taking Friday off? That's exactly what we did and my body has been thanking me ever since. We slept in, took our time getting ready and did some shopping. I was able to squeeze in a nap before heading over to JP&C's place for dinner. The plan was to show each other our latest vacation pics, but after dinner and wine and rum and chocolate, we never got to the pictures. Their dog, Peppy, took a liking to me and sat on my lap a lot of the night. We got home and Sandy was not impressed with how I smelled. Neither was I to tell you the truth.

Today is Saturday but feels like Sunday - perfect! It's warm out so J's been in the garage organizing while I've been catching up on tv. So many shows to watch. I also started a knitting project so I'll have something to bring to scrapbooking if I can make it this week.

Looking forward to games night tonight at S&L's. We get to meet one of her sisters and some of their friends. And Sandy will appreciate when we come home not smelling like dog.

I'll leave you with some pictures of things that have happened over the past couple of weeks.

New computer desk

New cupboard for front hall

Happy birthday, Dad!

JP's fun birthday cake

Obama came to town

So You Think You Can Dance live show

Randomness

2009-03-05T22:24:00.002-05:00

I made the mistake today of falling asleep after work. I slept for a solid three hours and now I'm wondering if I will ever get to sleep. I was able to sleep so long because J went out. This is a good story: his dentist gave him tickets to see the Sens. No joke. J picked up his braces this week (Invisalign which are cool) and I guess made nice with the dentist enough so that when he couldn't attend a game, he thought of J. J took his friend JP. I slept.

This has been one of the longest weeks at work that I can remember. I don't want to get into details, but I don't agree with my boss on certain things (probably most things actually) and ended up pretty mad most of Tuesday. I took Wednesday off, which helped a ton. But back to work today obviously took its toll on my body so that I was exhausted by the time we left. I'm glad tomorrow is Friday and thankful that we have plans both tomorrow night and Saturday night. Filling up the weekend is the best way to forget about work and not feel Monday morning like Friday afternoon was mere hours before.

Since my last post, which was forever ago I know, I've done lots. We went to Moxie's for SB's birthday. We sat at a huge round table under a neat glowing light. J and his friends drank lots of beer. Sunday, we had dinner with J's parents and sister. Monday is when all hell broke out at work. The hell continued to Tuesday. Tuesday, J got his new braces. Wednesday, I stayed home for a much needed mental health day. And today is today. Now you're all caught up.

Big weekend

2009-02-22T20:24:00.002-05:00

This was the fullest weekend in the past while, by far. Friday night J and I went to IKEA and bought a new computer desk. We spent a while building and then reorganzed the office. It's a nice little desk and soon enough will be a nice little room. For now, there are papers everywhere, but that's how we do things. Then we watched What Happens in Vegas. The movie was better than expected with some really funny lines, the best one being "Are you sure you know how to drive an automatic?"

Saturday was my dad's birthday so we went over. I blew up balloons in the car on the way and when we showed up, I threw them out the car door at my dad who was standing in the driveway. It was nice to see him smile and laugh at my ridiculous idea. Max, the dog, didn't like the balloons at all.

That night we went downtown for JP's birthday. We went to Minglewoods and ate and drank and laughed while JP did a disco dance that ended with some enthusiastic hip thrusts. I left J to consume more pitchers with the birthday boy and went home. I was home after midnight and J not until after 2am. It was a fun night.

Today we had (breakfast for) lunch with S&L and L's parents. It was a nice visit. We made another trip to IKEA on the way home and had more building to do this afternoon. Sandy has taken over Rolo's role as helper which makes J happy. Happy until I break a part of the newest piece. But of course that's what I do. Ug.

Not sure what this week will bring, but it's getting warmer out and the days are getting longer. And with the potential new job coming soon, work seems much less hard. At least I didn't spend the day hungover like some people I know.

New job on the horizon

2009-02-21T10:56:00.002-05:00

Before my current job, I had only been in the same job for 9 months. Once I hit a year (July 2007) I started feeling restless, like I needed to find something new. Over the last year and a half, I've felt the same restless feeling off and on.

And then came the new boss. He started in November and seems like a nice guy at first. And then he tells you that you aren't doing a good job and that things have to change. Maybe he was unaware that my little group of 5, who are responsible for coordinating upwards of 800 submissions for pest control products (you can't just call them pesticides) in the agency, had been functioning for over a year without a manager and functioning quite well. We receive praise and pats on the back for a job well done. We do our job and we do it well.

Mr. NewBoss has all sorts of lofty ideas, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but when you first come to manage a group, take some time to observe how they work, how the work gets done.

Anyways, Mr. NewBoss basically kicked me into gear and made my search for a new job take on a new urgency. I enlisted the help of some friends and found myself something good. I spoke with my potential new manager and decided after much back and forth that this would be a good thing. I told them I was interested and they said they'd love to have me. The ball is now rolling and soon enough I will have this new job.

With this in mind, I'm getting much more work done. I have the motivation to not leave my portion of the 800 subs in disarray. Nothing is set in stone yet, but come April I should be onto new things.

Yet another change in my life. A good change.

2009 is the new 2008

2009-02-16T11:30:00.002-05:00

I was speaking of routines and being thrown off. Here are some things that have changed recently, not necessarily throwing me off, but changes nonetheless.

When J got back from Tremblant, we picked up his new glasses. They look good and stop his head from hurting.

To up the nerdiness, he's also getting braces. They're the invisible kind and he'll have them for 7 or 8 months. Nothing compared to my 2 years of hell. Hopefully they will stop his teeth from hurting.

I got a new ring that I absolutely love. I found out it's a Russian wedding ring - it is three silver rings entwined. Extremely fun to play with.

J and I went for a run outside Saturday. It was -10 but sunny and clear. We didn't go very far and had to stop every time we came to a street because it was mega icy (run run run, stop, J grabs my hand, walk slow on ice, run run run, repeat) but it felt so good to be out running. I've been wanting to run for a while, but with the sick and the weather and everything, it just hasn't happened. I did my pilates DVD afterwards and got the nice burny abs to go with the sore legs.

We celebrated Valentine's Day, which I do not subscribe to, in a non-romantic way.. though I guess there were elements of romance. It was a dinner and a movie night with S&L (date-like and two couples... fine). They brought lasagna and we had salad and garlic bread and raspberry pie. We watched Body of Lies. I wouldn't recommend the movie. I fell asleep (it was late and the movie was dragging on and on) and heard bad reviews from the other three when the movie ended and I woke up.

Yesterday was the So You Think You Can Dance live show. J's sister and mom took me and J's grandma. We did the valet parking - such a good idea and it was so fun seeing the guys run to get the cars. The show was really good. J's mom asked me to point out Nico, the guy who won, but I didn't have to. Every time he was on stage the girls went wild, screaming and shrieking. SJ's ears were ringing the whole time. Good times.

And now we're here. I took some time this weekend to catch up on getting my pictures on Flickr, but still have a backlog. We're starting to think about how we want to organize our spare rooms. It seems silly the way we have them now. I think IKEA may come to the rescue once again. There are trips to IKEA in our future, painting and organizing. Fun.

Next post: update on work.

In my head

2009-02-12T20:54:00.002-05:00

The fire is in my head. In fact, there may not even be a fire. Maybe it's just smoke.

Things are changing and the older I get, the worse the changes seem to be. I guess I'm settling into a routine. My life is becoming more and more routine the farther I get from the constant flux that is life in school, university especially, when you didn't know where you were living one year to the next or how you would make enough money in the 4 short months of summer to survive 8 long months of school.

I'm getting old. I'm married, have a house and a full time permanent job - all good things, but all lead to routine living. But when I think about me, about who I am, I don't think I'm average, that what I do, even if it's the same day in and day out, is the same as anything anyone else is doing. I take my cue from the people who tell me that I should write a book. These are people that don't know me well and don't know about this book: my blog. My question is always: who would read my book. I would, they always say. I'm sure you would, but you could always just ask me questions until I've told you all my stories. How long could that possibly take. Ask J, I think he's close.

The routine that I didn't entirely realize I had, was badly disrupted in the past, oh, 3 weeks or so. I would say things were pretty normal until we went to Mexico. We came back and haven't settled in - being sick and apart and thrown off are some things getting in the way. Other things are unbloggable and mysterious even to me. Everything seems to be conspiring to change me, change how I do things and change the things I want to do.

All this time pondering my navel, to steal a phrase from Crazy Aunt Purl (who got a book deal based on her blog I should mention), and I finally figured out what to do. Do I try my best to go back to the pre-Mexico routine or do I forge ahead and create a new normal? The answer to that question is to forge ahead and that's what I'm doing, grudgingly.

I'm finding that I don't blog as often as I did before, even though it still acts as a catharsis of sorts, I don't take as many pictures and I don't seem to care. I'm spending more time in the kitchen, preparing healthy meals, more time with J and with Sandy, more time sleeping. I suppose my focus has shifted somewhat and, apart from being a little freaked out by the resulting fire, I'm going to go with it. To the new, glowing me.

2009-02-05T23:40:00.002-05:00

"Sometimes you have to walk through fire if you want to take on a glow."
- from Carol Higgins Clark's Popped

I feel like I'm in the fire and the worst part is that it's in my head. Hopefully the glow at the end isn't a bad burn.

Funnee

2009-02-01T10:47:00.002-05:00

J and I had some time to kill last week (or maybe even the week before) so we wandered through a pet store. We looked at all the birds and lizards and snakes and finally got to the fish. I like that fish are so colourful and different and interesting. Nothing, however, could have prepared me for this fish:

Oh, how I giggled!

This weekend, so far, has been exactly what I thought it would be: lots of lying on the couch and avoiding shoveling the driveway. I'm spoiled because J's dad actually came over with Bob, his trusty snowblower, and took care of the driveway for me. I had a nice visit with L and went back to doing nothing. I did leave the house to get some Quiznos and a new book to read.

Today is going to be busier though. I have plans to go shopping with SJ and have dinner with J's family and then meet up with my baseball girls to scrapbook... well, they might be scrapbooking. I will be hanging out because I'm nowhere near organized enough to actually do anything in an album. That will come. I have plans to get myself organized and get back in it, but other things keep getting in the way. Like yesterday, I randomly decided that our luggage should no longer live in the spare room closet but in our closet. Why now? Who knows. But it now has a new home. I'm wondering how many things I can change so that when J gets home he won't recognize the place. Hmm....

I'm old and sick

2009-01-30T18:11:00.002-05:00

I turned one year older and then got super sick.

My birthday this year was even more low key than last year's celebration. I woke up really early but was nice and left my sleeping beauty in bed for hours. S&L stopped by after seeing a house in our neighbourhood then my parents stopped by. My parents hadn't been over since we got the piano. I thought it had been so long that they forgot who I was because they came with this fancy wine holder thingy. I don't drink wine. Turns out, they stuffed a whole bunch of work socks into the wine holder. They know me afterall.

I had a relaxing day when J went out on the town. Then we had A&S and S&L over for dinner and cake. Dinner was free pizza - the best kind - and the cake was a chocolate oatmeal concoction that Sylvia made. It was REALLY chocolatey.

Sunday I got the sleep in I was looking for but I woke up with a nasty cold. That night we had dinner with J's family. We didn't stay late so I could get back to the couch. No kidding, this is possibly the worst cold I've ever had.

I stayed home from work Monday and Tuesday and again Thursday. I went in Wednesday and today to get some important things done. Turns out the people before me didn't get their pieces done on time so I couldn't get mine done. I had a really bad week at work last week so it was nice to spend this week mostly on the couch. Sandy liked having me home too.

Today I sent J on his way. He and 7 friends are going to Tremblant for the weekend. He has plans to snowboard and I have plans to avoid shoveling the driveway. I may see my family and see my friends, or I may lie on the couch all weekend. We will see.

Just wondering

2009-01-24T09:34:00.002-05:00

I'm sitting here wondering if my mother would be proud. Earlier this week I told her that she and my dad couldn't come over today before 11 because I wanted to sleep in. Then I'm up before 6am. I must be getting old.

So True

2009-01-22T10:16:00.003-05:00

"When you start to really know someone, all his physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in his energy, recognize the scent of his skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That's why you can't fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that's why, when you really connect with a person's inner self, any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant."

- Ridley Jones, a character in Lisa Unger's novel, Beautiful Lies

Mexico

2009-01-21T12:46:00.002-05:00

Mexico was a great trip to start off the new year. It didn't start off so great though: we had some issues at the airport even before we took to the air. For some reason our pilots were in Montreal and had to cab to Ottawa. Where did the cabbie take them? The Carp airport of course. The finally arrived, we finally got on the plane, they finally de-iced the plane and then they figured out that there was a problem with a tire. Sure guys, you go ahead and fix that, because you couldn't have checked that earlier. Either way, we were finally on our way! Excited but tired and grumpy, we were going to Mexico.

The flight was fine until the captain came on the intercom thingy and said something about a fire. In the cockpit. Honestly. We landed safely in Cancun and were escorted by emergency vehicles to a deserted part of the airport and let off on the tarmac. Welcome to Mexico, these are the finest firefighters in the land!

Our first day at the resort, which was huge by the way, is a little fuzzy in my sleep-deprived memory. We went to the beach, we looked around, we ate food and we went to bed early. The whole week was a lot of the same - lying around on the beach or at the pool, eating way too much at the buffets - but here are some highlights.

We went to Akumal, a nearby town, to see sea turtles. We were told we could snorkle right off the beach and see turtles. We were not disappointed! J and I found this ginormous turtle munching away about 10 feet below us. I freaked out a little when he came up for air in our direction. Incredible!

We also took a day trip to see the ruins in Coba, a small town in from the coast but not too far from our resort. We were able to climb the ruins, which was made scarier by the fact that it was pouring rain. The stone steps, all 120 of them, were slick. From the top, I could see the exact spot I would land if I tripped on the way down.

We also had a little bit of canoeing, a jungle walk, a short zipline, a meal with the Mayans, a Mayan ceremoney, and got to swim in a cenote. The cenote is basically a sinkhole that you have to rappel down into. The water was almost completely clear and wasn't cold and you're sitting on an innertube, but what creeped me out where all the catfish in the cenote with us. Just thinking of them gives me goosebumps. But I survived and can now say I've swam in a cenote. The last event of the day was tequila shots at the head office of the tour company. Mmm.

We had three a la carte dinners during the week. We chose Italian, Mexican and Japanese food. My favourite by far was the Japanese place. We were lucky enough to get a table where the chef cooks right in front of you. He was crazy and the food was really good.

We've been back almost a week now. I'm back at work though J's super sick and is still at home. Work has been awful and I'm daydreaming about being on the beach again. Too bad we can't take trips once a month. That wouldn't be so bad.

Whole Mexico Set on Flickr

2008 Wrap Up

2009-01-06T20:11:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking about this post for a long time. I have so much to tell you. 2008 was a busy year.

In January, I had the chance to act as section head at work for my group. It was harder than I thought it would be and I came out with an eye twitch that lasted until April. I also turned one year older. Something I plan on doing again real soon.

In February I went skiing for the first time in a lot of years. I didn't break any bones, even with a massive wipe-out, and experienced a hot tub in the middle of winter. Snowpants, bikini top and a touque - sexy!

March was a month of excitement. J, A and I almost died when we flew down an icy road backwards in A's parent's van trying to get up to the abandoned mine in Quebec. J also, very discreetly, whispered to me that he got the pretty hygienist when he went to have his wisdom teeth pulled. In his drug-induced state, the whole dentist's office heard his proclamation. Poor high J.

April was the month for birthdays. Who wasn't born in April? It was also when the snow started melting and therefore the pictures we took got a little less white and grey.. more brown and dogshit. That's a colour, right?

The biggest event in May was our trip to Europe for C&S's wedding. It was our first time in Europe and our first time traveling with friends. Pretty exciting.

June was my baseball team's only tournament. We had a good time in Grafton which is middle-of-nowhere, Ontario. I loved the city so much, I traveled back a week or two later for JW's wedding. My brother, his girlfriend and his friends were very good at keeping both my hands full of alcohol. Trying to swipe my room key at some wee hour in the morning to the room I was sharing with my parents while unable to even keep my eyes open was an experience.

July was the month of summer: HOPE beach volleyball tournament at Mooney's bay, cottage weekend with my family and one with friends, and our 4th anniversary. It was also the month that our little cats turned 4. They're getting so old!

When I said July was the month of summer, I really meant that August was the month of summer. August was full of cottage parties and drinking on patios and birthdays and BC's wedding.

September was a big birthday month and really the kick off to A&S's wedding with showers and a full-on bachelorette party. I'm surprised we survived that day - make up, drinks, dinner, more drinks, bar number 1, an entire men's soccer team, more drinks, bar number 2, more drinks, some walking in the rain, some crying in the parking lot and eventually some passing out. It was also a huge month for me - I ran a half marathon after training all summer. Incredible.

October was an emotional month. It was full of photo outings with the leaves changing colours, A&S got married, we saw Cirque du Soleil, we lost Rolo and J went to Toronto for a week. I'm not sure I'm fully recovered from October yet.

Most of November I was out of it. We did our usual hikes and took lots of pictures. We had American Thanksgiving and lots of family dinners and bought an electric piano.

December was incredibly busy. There was work and work lunches and family dinners and dinners with friends and birthdays and Christmas and everything that comes with that - shopping, wrapping, worrying about not sending out cards, cookie exchanges, feeling sick after eating too many cookies, having friends go home and come home. The month ended without a bang: J and I spent New Year's together. It was nice but not typical. No friends, no noise makers, no jello shots and no kissing at midnight. We watched some movies and I lost the battle with myself and fell asleep before midnight. My conclusion: I'm getting old.

Now that 2009 is here, I'm hopeful. I'm looking forward to another year that is just waiting to be filled with the things I love doing. I'm not one to make resolutions, so I didn't, but I did reflect on the last year and think about things I maybe want to do more of and things that I could do less of. 2009 is going to be a big year and we're kicking it off with a trip to Mexico! Who knows where else we'll go or what else we'll do. Anything is possible.

Check out my Project 365 to see a picture for every day of 2008.

Oh the places you'll go...
Dr. Seuss

Christmas 2008

2008-12-30T09:50:00.001-05:00

Christmas was a little crazy this year. First there was the party with my dad's side of the family. It was out in the country at my cousin's boyfriend's house. There was pool and ping pong and darts and air hockey, food and wine and beer, and a silly gift exchange.

Next we had dinner with A&S and S&L. Good food, good company, cookies by the fire. A&S even surprised us with a gift each. J and I scored a crock pot! I've wanted one for a long time.

Christmas Eve we chose to skip a family dinner with J's family and instead go to LB's house for a dinner party. LB's family has a tradition where they get a bottle of vodka and go around the table during dinner doing shots until the bottle is gone. J, LB, SB's parents, JP and CC did the shots like champs and everyone was quite festive. We had a ton of food, vodka, wine and even saw Santa who came to give LB's 2-year-old son a present. I drove us home on sheer ice.

Christmas Day was busy. I woke up early, super excited to give J his present. Since we bought the piano we decided we weren't getting anything for each other, but I couldn't resist getting J a stuffed Wall-E and Eve from the movie Wall-E. They are so cute. J was surprisingly not hung over, so we headed over to his parent's house pretty early. We opened presents there and then went to his grandparent's house. We saw his whole family and opened more presents.

We left not long after lunch to head to my parent's place. We opened more presents there and had our first turkey dinner. The food was good and it was nice seeing my parents, my brother and his girlfriend and the deer.

After dinner we headed back to J's grandparent's house for another turkey dinner. J ate again like a champ but I couldn't handle more food. We were actually home pretty early, exhausted from the excitement of the day, and all the turkey, and happy to see Sandy.

Boxing Day we avoided the malls but bought some things online. We managed to score another dinner with family, but again were home pretty early to spend some time alone together. Seeing everyone is nice and that's what you do at Christmas, but it's also so nice having some time just lying on the couch in your own house.

Another couple of dinners with J's family to round out the Christmas week, but yesterday it was back to work, for a few days at least. Still trying to figure out plans for New Year's.

Pre-Christmas

2008-12-22T16:01:00.002-05:00

The time leading up to Christmas is strange. People get a little crazy and put up all sorts of decorations and lights and start baking like it's their job. They go to malls and spend lots of money, finding that perfect gift. There are lunches and dinners and parties and gift exchanges and get togethers. And it all leads up to one day - Christmas.

Christmas is generally pretty chaotic. It used to be that I would rush home after finishing my last exam, start and finish all my shopping, see as many friends as I could, drink and be merry, and see my family for the traditional things. Things are different now that I'm out of school and living in my home town. I get my shopping done early, I hardly bother with cards and don't bake. I see some friends that come to town but I see more family. We sometimes rush between my family and J's family, but we try to balance the two as best we can.

We slowly get the house decorated for Christmas: putting up lights, putting out some candles, and eventually getting the tree up. The tree isn't a big deal because we don't have many ornaments (can't when you have cats).

I think the biggest thing for me around this time of year is seeing just how cranky people get. It goes against the whole idea of Christmas. I'm not a religious person, nor do I enjoy Christmas carols or eggnog for that matter, but people are just awful around Christmas. Our worlds move so quickly and to add all the obligations this time of year, often not-so-spectacular weather, and the stress of seeing everyone you possibly can... people just lose it. It's interesting.

All that to say, I'm happy it's almost Christmas. I've seen a bunch of family already and will see more in the days to come. I will give gifts and receive some. I'll eat all the turkey I possibly can and groan when my belly is too full. I'll avoid singing Christmas carols.

And then I'll be happy when it's all done and people can go back to being their regular selves, though full of turkey and eggnog.

A week and a bit in pictures

2008-12-20T10:34:00.002-05:00

I went to my work's Christmas luncheon. It was at a reception hall down the street. It was incredibly snowy out so the turnout wasn't as great as last year. The food was good though and it was nice to socialize with the people I work with every day.

L&S hosted their annual Christmas party. J dipped into the red wine and showed everyone up at RockBand.

SM is a great host - there was lots of food and drinks and music.

J left Sunday afternoon for a week of training in Markham. I took the opportunity to go to Walmart (J hates Walmart). I drove all by myself (eee!) and roamed around the store. I was able to pick up Christmas presents for my family and didn't punch anyone in the head. Feeling a little more Christmas-y, I decorated the house.

I wasn't entirely alone this week. Monday night A&S came over for dinner and Wednesday night I went to J's grandparent's house for his aunt and uncle's birthday celebration. There was cake and lots of singing.

That night, I got home and parked in the road. It snowed a lot and the plow had come by. I went inside, said hi to Sandy, put on my snowpants and my new boots (thanks SJ!) and headed out. Our neighbours are out of town and we agreed to take care of their driveway and in return they've let us use their snowblower. I've never used one before, but I read the instructions and got it working. Our combined driveways are 4 cars wide and 3 cars long. That's a lot of driveway. I was thinking of just doing a little lane so I could get in and out, but a nice guy came by with his huge snowblower and helped me. In an hour the whole thing was done. And my feet were nice and toasty in my new boots.

After parking the car in the garage, I was getting out and snagged my headphones on part of the door. The earbuds ripped right off the wire. I had to root around to find another set so I wouldn't go crazy at work.

Thursday night after work, I headed into town (away from home) to meet S&L in Chinatown for dinner at Jadeland. It was the most chinese chinese food I've ever had. It was snowing again so driving wasn't the most fun but I got home eventually. Meanwhile J is in Toronto playing with fluffballs. What a tough life.

All in all, not a bad week. I have really great family and friends - thank you for taking care of me this week.