miss universe

sunday night i watched a lot of the miss universe pageant. i have a couple things to say about it. first of all i will never look like those girls. second, i never want to. i don't think people would take me as seriously or maybe just the boys would... though i'm sure girls that pretty intimidate the hell out of most guys.

moving along. i tuned in during the swimsuit part. like i said, very pretty girls, but really, they looked so similar. the only difference between them was in their colouring. there was one "brown" girl and a couple asian girls but all the "white" girls were mega tanned so everyone, in my opinion, except the brown girl, were the same colour. perfect. exact same body types and exact same colour. good thing you have to look at their faces and hair too. but really, let's be honest about the hair. brown, dark brown or fake blonde. all similar styles. and then the faces. they were all pretty but their faces are what differentiated them and even then there were lots of twins, triplets even.

i almost forgot about the part that made me laugh outloud. while the girls were walking the stage, a little thing would pop up with their age, country and hobbies. so many were "being social" or "hanging out with friends". no wait, those were both for the same girl!

and then there was the dancing. i'm not joking. maybe this happens every time, i've never seen one of these things before, but the dancing. honestly. there was some hip hop dancy group thing who sang and jumped around on stage and the girls had some choreographed dance-a-long behind them, smiling the whole time. it was awful. reminded me of barbies. actual barbies. you know when you hold a barbie by its feet and make it dance. and the barbie is probably naked, with teased hair sticking up everywhere and makeup you put on her yourself with permanent marker way back. you know what i mean. well the girls didn't look quite that bad, but the dancing was horrible.

and then came the evening gown portion. some dresses were really nice, but some were horrible. again there was choreographed movements and more signing, some italian this time.

and then DUM DUM DUMMMMMM the question! "and this is the hardest part of the whole competition". right, let me give you an example of a question actually asked in the pageant. "what is your biggest fear?" and the answer: "losing my family." obviously.

the "tomboy" from the us came third or fourth or something. canada didn't even make the top ten (though don't scoff yet - canada won last year). i can't remember who won exactly but i can assure you she was tall and skinny with perfect skin and blazing white teeth. and definitely not me.