Today was my due date. Not for this pregnancy, that's not until September, but for my first one. And when you have a pregnancy that ends, all you have to hold on to are the memories you made that short time you had life inside you and the date that the doctor found using the magic wheel. Today was that date.
I had a rough time this past fall. Well, we all did. It started with seeing two lines on a home pregnancy test mid-October. I wasn't ready for those lines and I didn't believe they were there. I actually cried. And then I felt like crap. For two weeks I was emotional and ravenous. I could not get enough food into my body and I was miserable. After about a week of denial, the idea of being pregnant and having a baby sunk in and I began to accept that I was going to have to learn how to feed myself better. This is what I wanted and it was supposed to be a happy time.
I warmed up to the idea, we started getting excited and we decided on the best time to tell our family and friends (Christmas, when I hit 3 months). The first snow fall of the year was late October. The next morning our cat died. Two days later I started bleeding and two days after that I miscarried the baby I was just getting used to the idea of.
I am utterly convinced that our minds have the capacity for only so much pain. My mind was dealing with the first loss and I thought I was okay with losing the baby. I wasn't feeling like myself and I didn't like being pregnant anyways. I took the recommended time off work and J didn't go on his out-off-town training and stayed home with me. We were sad and hardly talked to each other. We wanted our lives back to where they were, knowing that wasn't going to happen.
We made it through and slowly adjusted to life with one cat and waited for my body to get back to normal. Thankfully it did so on its own and in not too long. About a month later I got sad. I was completely flat-lined, hardly eating and not wanting to leave the house. I looked into counseling because I knew there was something wrong. What I didn't know was that my mind was finally processing loss #2 and I was sad. Once I figured that out, I dealt with it and eventually felt better.
I was still more emotional than before, but J and I were happy, Sandy seemed okay and my body was my friend again. Then S&L got pregnant. That was hard, but again, we got through and I learned that I can be an angry person. I also learned that being angry is okay sometimes.
November passed and so did most of December. Christmas Day I woke up early. J was still passed out after a friendly night of vodka shots and Christmas dinner. I tested again and was happy to see those two lines. I woke him up and told him there was a present for him in the bathroom. Drunky was having none of my games so I brought him the pee stick and made him at least open his eyes to confirm what I hoped was true - we were pregnant again and I was happy.
Getting pregnant again so soon was good. I feel like the miscarriage made me lose time. I know it's not like that, but where would I be today if I hadn't miscarried? Perhaps in labour. Though if I hadn't miscarried, I wouldn't know as much about myself as I do now. I know physically and emotionally what it's like to go through one. I know better how my mind deals with stress and sadness and I know that I like to have all the information I can.
The miscarriage changed how we've been dealing with things this time. We told our parents the day we found out and have been excited over little things like nausea (a lack of morning sickness is linked to miscarriage, though this has not been proven) and getting further along than last time. I have been very guarded and only recently accepted the fact that I'm staying pregnant, which is part of the reason we waited an extra month on top of the 3 month norm to tell our friends and work. The miscarriage is the reason we chose to find out the sex of the baby. Interesting the side effects, things you would never guess would affect you, completely do.
Today is a day that I may not always remember, though this year it's meaningful in a way that I wish it wasn't. I am a changed person.
"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Thursday, June 25
Three quarters
That's right, I am three quarters of the way done this pregnancy. Today I hit 30 weeks out of 40, which means I'm almost 7 months along.
I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it - whether the past (almost) 7 months have gone by quickly or not. I do know that some days I feel incredibly large and want to trade in my belly for a slimmer model, but other days I feel remarkably normal and forget that I have such a protrusion for minutes on end. I say minutes because that's normally how long it takes for someone to say something about me being pregnant, for me to bump my belly into something or for something else to happen to bring me back to reality.
My reality at this point in time is sometimes sad and sometimes comical. It's sad because there are things that I would love to be doing but can't anymore. I would love to go out for a run or not feel out of breath after two flights of stairs (one if I go too fast). It's sad because I'm crying, whether it's because of something rational or irrational. And I'm not a crier. Life gets a little comical when I contemplate sewing a pocket onto the back of a t-shirt so I can sleep with a tennis ball on my back to stop myself from rolling over. I can't sew anything without bleeding, but thankfully I have J who will push me onto my side if he wakes up and sees I'm on my back. It's also funny if I'm lying on the couch with my cat and my belly literally jumps against her. She'll look at my belly with a I'm-not-amused look on her smooshed-in orange face and go back to sleep.
Also part of my reality are the "symptoms" typical of pregnancy. For me, my leg hurts and I can't walk anywhere without feeling like I strained my groin muscles. I'm gurgly and constantly hungry. I'm hot and forgetful and cry over nothing.
The biggest, most important symptom is the fact that there is actually something alive inside of me. I lie for hours staring at my naked stomach while the baby jumps around, bouncing off my internal organs, stretching this way and that. Sometimes it's a weird stretching sensation and other times it's like being tickled or punched on the inside.
I know the movement is what I'm going to miss most when this is all done, but I seriously cannot wait to lose the belly and look more like myself. I can't wait to be able to shop in pretty much whatever store I want. I can't wait to go for my first run or when the feeling returns to my right quad. I can't wait to have a beer or two. But most of all, I can't wait for my life to change. All I know for sure right now is that it will change. I don't know what life is going to be like, I don't know how I will change or how my family will change, but I'm ready.
Now I just have to get the things ready too and I'll be all set.
I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it - whether the past (almost) 7 months have gone by quickly or not. I do know that some days I feel incredibly large and want to trade in my belly for a slimmer model, but other days I feel remarkably normal and forget that I have such a protrusion for minutes on end. I say minutes because that's normally how long it takes for someone to say something about me being pregnant, for me to bump my belly into something or for something else to happen to bring me back to reality.
My reality at this point in time is sometimes sad and sometimes comical. It's sad because there are things that I would love to be doing but can't anymore. I would love to go out for a run or not feel out of breath after two flights of stairs (one if I go too fast). It's sad because I'm crying, whether it's because of something rational or irrational. And I'm not a crier. Life gets a little comical when I contemplate sewing a pocket onto the back of a t-shirt so I can sleep with a tennis ball on my back to stop myself from rolling over. I can't sew anything without bleeding, but thankfully I have J who will push me onto my side if he wakes up and sees I'm on my back. It's also funny if I'm lying on the couch with my cat and my belly literally jumps against her. She'll look at my belly with a I'm-not-amused look on her smooshed-in orange face and go back to sleep.
Also part of my reality are the "symptoms" typical of pregnancy. For me, my leg hurts and I can't walk anywhere without feeling like I strained my groin muscles. I'm gurgly and constantly hungry. I'm hot and forgetful and cry over nothing.
The biggest, most important symptom is the fact that there is actually something alive inside of me. I lie for hours staring at my naked stomach while the baby jumps around, bouncing off my internal organs, stretching this way and that. Sometimes it's a weird stretching sensation and other times it's like being tickled or punched on the inside.
I know the movement is what I'm going to miss most when this is all done, but I seriously cannot wait to lose the belly and look more like myself. I can't wait to be able to shop in pretty much whatever store I want. I can't wait to go for my first run or when the feeling returns to my right quad. I can't wait to have a beer or two. But most of all, I can't wait for my life to change. All I know for sure right now is that it will change. I don't know what life is going to be like, I don't know how I will change or how my family will change, but I'm ready.
Now I just have to get the things ready too and I'll be all set.
Monday, June 22
Premature
My last post was premature. After some "quality" time at work Friday afternoon and much debating and consulting with friends and family, I've decided to take my mat leave sooner. Nothing has been approved yet, but I'm hoping to have an end date set by the end of the week.
Now, the weekend. It wasn't a typical weekend: J went to a cottage party while I stayed in town. It worked out well since we now have two cars so J was able to stay at the cottage as short or as long as he wanted and I was able to go around town as I pleased. And did I ever!
Friday night I went shopping for a present - more on that later - and then saw my baseball girls play. The game was part of a local fundraising/memorial tournament and I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a lot of years. It was nice and social and I was still home early enough to convince myself I had enough steam left to watch some tv. I dragged myself to bed later than I should have, but that's typical when J's out of town.
Saturday was SM's shower. Her and LS are getting married the last weekend in August. It's a little too close to baby-time so we aren't going, but I was happy to go to her shower. Except that it was all the way across town. With lots of people I didn't know. Basically, I had a hard time getting myself there, but I had a good time once there. It was a fancy brunch, shower games and present opening. I got her some body products (pink grapefruit and sugar scent) and candy. I told her to not share with her groom-to-be, that it was all for her. After the shower, I made my way back across town but in a somewhat different direction - I went to see S&L. Turns out L and I had a good night. S slept the whole time. After that I checked in on the family cats, Whitey and Blackie, and took advantage of SJ's cable tv.
Sunday was Father's Day and my plan was to see my parents. J got home a little before I left. He stayed home to unpack the car and nap while I went and spent a few hours with my parents. That night we went to J's aunt and uncle's house for Father's Day / birthday dinner. The night was topped off with a competitive family contest of our bird and plane dollar store flyers (I can't explain it better than that). My bird was vicious and kept flying into people.
Last night, my little family was back together and happy.
Now, the weekend. It wasn't a typical weekend: J went to a cottage party while I stayed in town. It worked out well since we now have two cars so J was able to stay at the cottage as short or as long as he wanted and I was able to go around town as I pleased. And did I ever!
Friday night I went shopping for a present - more on that later - and then saw my baseball girls play. The game was part of a local fundraising/memorial tournament and I saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in a lot of years. It was nice and social and I was still home early enough to convince myself I had enough steam left to watch some tv. I dragged myself to bed later than I should have, but that's typical when J's out of town.
Saturday was SM's shower. Her and LS are getting married the last weekend in August. It's a little too close to baby-time so we aren't going, but I was happy to go to her shower. Except that it was all the way across town. With lots of people I didn't know. Basically, I had a hard time getting myself there, but I had a good time once there. It was a fancy brunch, shower games and present opening. I got her some body products (pink grapefruit and sugar scent) and candy. I told her to not share with her groom-to-be, that it was all for her. After the shower, I made my way back across town but in a somewhat different direction - I went to see S&L. Turns out L and I had a good night. S slept the whole time. After that I checked in on the family cats, Whitey and Blackie, and took advantage of SJ's cable tv.
Sunday was Father's Day and my plan was to see my parents. J got home a little before I left. He stayed home to unpack the car and nap while I went and spent a few hours with my parents. That night we went to J's aunt and uncle's house for Father's Day / birthday dinner. The night was topped off with a competitive family contest of our bird and plane dollar store flyers (I can't explain it better than that). My bird was vicious and kept flying into people.
Last night, my little family was back together and happy.
Friday, June 19
Thursday, June 18
Finally
J and I are finally at a point in our lives that we can save. This may be short-lived so it's worth mentioning.
We started dating in university when I was accumulating debt and he was about breaking even. We got married right out of school and pooled our resources: my 4-years-of-university-living-away-from-home debt and his small amount of money. We worked hard and got out of the hole in 4 months. Then we started saving. We wanted a down payment for a house. We got that and then we bought the house. Bye bye savings.
Now, we've both been working in the government and recently both got raises. We actually have money that we can put aside every paycheque. How novel. So we've been going to the bank and putting money directly on our mortgage. It goes towards paying off the principle not taxes like our bi-weekly payment seems to do. And it feels awesome.
Who knows what the future holds and how much longer we can keep this up. They say babies are expensive and we'll be bringing home less money - not much less with the parental leave top ups provided by work, but less.
It's just so nice seeing that huge negative number get a little closer to $0.00.
We started dating in university when I was accumulating debt and he was about breaking even. We got married right out of school and pooled our resources: my 4-years-of-university-living-away-from-home debt and his small amount of money. We worked hard and got out of the hole in 4 months. Then we started saving. We wanted a down payment for a house. We got that and then we bought the house. Bye bye savings.
Now, we've both been working in the government and recently both got raises. We actually have money that we can put aside every paycheque. How novel. So we've been going to the bank and putting money directly on our mortgage. It goes towards paying off the principle not taxes like our bi-weekly payment seems to do. And it feels awesome.
Who knows what the future holds and how much longer we can keep this up. They say babies are expensive and we'll be bringing home less money - not much less with the parental leave top ups provided by work, but less.
It's just so nice seeing that huge negative number get a little closer to $0.00.
Wednesday, June 17
Terrible Memory
Just last night I remembered why I was so tired Thursday, apart from the fact that I didn't sleep well Wednesday night. Thursday I was scheduled for my rhogam shot. This is a shot that all pregnant women who have a negative blood type must get during their pregnancy. If you don't get it, your body can build up antibodies to your baby's blood and a lot of harm can come to the baby. If you want more information (an educated description perhaps), please read up on it. Here's a link to a wikipedia entry.
I had to go the a hospital to pick up the shot. I had instructions to go to emergency and they would direct me to the correct place. Apparently my instructions sucked because emergency had NO idea what I was talking about but did tell me that I couldn't possibly have wanted "transition medicine" but probably "transfusion medicine". Sure. I go and find admitting where they tell me to hightail it across the hospital campus to a family clinic area.
Have I mentioned that it was hot out? And I'm paying for parking? And I didn't bring any snacks or my water with me because it was supposed to be a super quick, in and out thing? It was all those things.
I get the the family clinic where I'm directed to the basement. Right, you want me to wander the bowels of a hospital. Sure! Sign me up. Sure enough, transfusion medicine WAS in the basement, hidden well away from the elevators. But it was the correct place. They knew I was coming yet I still had to wait for them to prepare the shot. I'm hungry and thirsty and hot and tired from the running around (let's just say that not being able to exercise and carrying around some extra weight is definitely taking its toll on me) so I sit and I wait. I am finally given the shot after being grilled about bloodwork that I didn't have done (wtf?) and left. I found my way up from the basement, back through the hospital and to my car. I paid for parking and set out for my doctor's office across town.
I was told to bring a cooler with me so the shot could stay chilled for the ride. Of course I forgot a cooler so I cranked the air in the car and set out. The car was not getting any colder. Finally I opened the windows and get some relief from the breeze.
At my doctor's office I have to wait to see the doctor. Then I have to wait to make sure I don't react to the shot. Again, I thought it would be a simple get the shot and leave deal so I didn't have any food or my water. Stupid stupid.
I finally got to leave, cranky and tired. I got home and shoved some food in my mouth and went to bed.
Funny thing about the broken air conditioner in our new car: I was pushing the wrong button. If it had been frosty, my back window would have been cleared, but the car still wouldn't have been cooled. The air does work and I know exactly which button to push for next time I'm cranky and hot and trying to get a shot. Thankfully that won't be again for a long time.
I had to go the a hospital to pick up the shot. I had instructions to go to emergency and they would direct me to the correct place. Apparently my instructions sucked because emergency had NO idea what I was talking about but did tell me that I couldn't possibly have wanted "transition medicine" but probably "transfusion medicine". Sure. I go and find admitting where they tell me to hightail it across the hospital campus to a family clinic area.
Have I mentioned that it was hot out? And I'm paying for parking? And I didn't bring any snacks or my water with me because it was supposed to be a super quick, in and out thing? It was all those things.
I get the the family clinic where I'm directed to the basement. Right, you want me to wander the bowels of a hospital. Sure! Sign me up. Sure enough, transfusion medicine WAS in the basement, hidden well away from the elevators. But it was the correct place. They knew I was coming yet I still had to wait for them to prepare the shot. I'm hungry and thirsty and hot and tired from the running around (let's just say that not being able to exercise and carrying around some extra weight is definitely taking its toll on me) so I sit and I wait. I am finally given the shot after being grilled about bloodwork that I didn't have done (wtf?) and left. I found my way up from the basement, back through the hospital and to my car. I paid for parking and set out for my doctor's office across town.
I was told to bring a cooler with me so the shot could stay chilled for the ride. Of course I forgot a cooler so I cranked the air in the car and set out. The car was not getting any colder. Finally I opened the windows and get some relief from the breeze.
At my doctor's office I have to wait to see the doctor. Then I have to wait to make sure I don't react to the shot. Again, I thought it would be a simple get the shot and leave deal so I didn't have any food or my water. Stupid stupid.
I finally got to leave, cranky and tired. I got home and shoved some food in my mouth and went to bed.
Funny thing about the broken air conditioner in our new car: I was pushing the wrong button. If it had been frosty, my back window would have been cleared, but the car still wouldn't have been cooled. The air does work and I know exactly which button to push for next time I'm cranky and hot and trying to get a shot. Thankfully that won't be again for a long time.
Monday, June 15
Purple toes, by design
Last Thursday night, I dragged myself out of the house, after a huge, long, disorienting nap, all the way across town to have my first pedicure. Apparently being a 28 year old female and never having a pedicure is just wrong, or so I've been told.
I don't much like my feet so when I was asked if I wanted a pedicure I hesitated. It was something I wanted to try and what better time than now, when I can hardly see my toes let alone bend over enough to get close to them. Really, it's not easy with a watermelon attached to your front. So anyways, I reluctantly agreed.
Thursday was hellish. I didn't sleep well Wednesday night (can't remember why) and was a zombie most of the day. Maybe work sucked, maybe it was fine... I really can't remember. All I know is that I came home and passed out and was still waking up when I picked up L and S.
We went to Mahogany and believe me, I was a big ball of nerves. (Fun fact: When I was born, we had a cat named Mahogany who used to sleep on my head.) The three of us were led into a room after being given drinks. We each had our own girl and it really wasn't all that bad. I've never had my feet touched so much and for so long, but now I have fancy purple toes that look like they belong to someone else and I can say I've had a pedicure.
And my toes are purple by choice.. unlike J who has purple toes because he doesn't run good.
I don't much like my feet so when I was asked if I wanted a pedicure I hesitated. It was something I wanted to try and what better time than now, when I can hardly see my toes let alone bend over enough to get close to them. Really, it's not easy with a watermelon attached to your front. So anyways, I reluctantly agreed.
Thursday was hellish. I didn't sleep well Wednesday night (can't remember why) and was a zombie most of the day. Maybe work sucked, maybe it was fine... I really can't remember. All I know is that I came home and passed out and was still waking up when I picked up L and S.
We went to Mahogany and believe me, I was a big ball of nerves. (Fun fact: When I was born, we had a cat named Mahogany who used to sleep on my head.) The three of us were led into a room after being given drinks. We each had our own girl and it really wasn't all that bad. I've never had my feet touched so much and for so long, but now I have fancy purple toes that look like they belong to someone else and I can say I've had a pedicure.
And my toes are purple by choice.. unlike J who has purple toes because he doesn't run good.
Thursday, June 11
Immature
History: I like to shave my legs. I don't like to shave them in the shower stall and prefer the tub. Because of this, J and I don't use the same bathroom.
Background information: J hates cleaning the shower stall in his bathroom. I don't blame him - there are weird angles and it's cramped when you're in there and it's cleaning.
Yesterday: We picked up a scrubbing bubbles automatic shower cleaner. That way his shower will get clean. Eventually.
Immature: The french word for shower is "douche" and this is an automatic shower cleaner. Hence auto douche.
Today: The auto douche is working out quite nicely.
Background information: J hates cleaning the shower stall in his bathroom. I don't blame him - there are weird angles and it's cramped when you're in there and it's cleaning.
Yesterday: We picked up a scrubbing bubbles automatic shower cleaner. That way his shower will get clean. Eventually.
Immature: The french word for shower is "douche" and this is an automatic shower cleaner. Hence auto douche.
Today: The auto douche is working out quite nicely.
Wednesday, June 10
That time that I tore the house apart
This past weekend I acted like a tornado and ran through the house making a huge mess. You would think we'd just moved in. I think they call it nesting.
Earlier I had emptied out our spare room so I could *start* thinking about putting a baby in there. All that stuff went in the computer room and the hallway. Then I emptied out the bathroom so it could be painted. All that stuff went in the spare room. Are you seeing a trend?
Knowing that a lot of our stuff needed to find a new home, most likely in the basement, I emptied out the basement basement (our basement is half finished, one side is basement basement with the furnace and laundry and storage and the other is where we watch tv) into the living area basement.
The good news is that I got rid of a lot of stuff that we had kept, either from the move or from buying things. Boxes and boxes with plastic packaging and manuals and spare parts - a lot of it is getting recycled/thrown out. I was able to get the basement basement somewhat put back together and have only to go through some other boxes to see what else is to be kept and what can be chucked. And then I can start migrating some stuff down. We also have some things to get rid of so I'm going to check out usedottawa.com and freecycle to see if I can find people who want it instead of throwing it out. We're not the garage sale types.
The other piece of good news is that we got the first coat of paint done in the bathroom. The floor tiles are blue and the counter is grey and the walls were the brown-off-white colour that we chose when the house was built. It was driving me crazy. Now the walls are almost white and after another coat of paint will be perfect. That hopefully will happen tonight. As soon as the second coat of paint dries I'm putting everything back on the walls and in the closet and the spare room will be empty once again. Then we can start thinking about a crib and a chair and whether we want to have the 3/4 bed in the room too. It's not the biggest room.
So it was definitely a busy and productive weekend. I also managed to vacuum, go swimming and lie outside while J worked on the deck (I slathered on the sunscreen because I am still peeling from my burn almost 3 weeks ago). His plan for the deck is to have it finished - the rest of the railings and the stairs - by Sunday. We're picking up more wood tonight. We're also going to pick up some storage bins so we can have somewhere to put whatever we decide to keep from the basement.
Everything is slowly coming together and eventually my house won't look like a war zone. For now, a little chaos is okay. Having people over Sunday gives us a deadline and I definitely work better with deadlines.
Earlier I had emptied out our spare room so I could *start* thinking about putting a baby in there. All that stuff went in the computer room and the hallway. Then I emptied out the bathroom so it could be painted. All that stuff went in the spare room. Are you seeing a trend?
Knowing that a lot of our stuff needed to find a new home, most likely in the basement, I emptied out the basement basement (our basement is half finished, one side is basement basement with the furnace and laundry and storage and the other is where we watch tv) into the living area basement.
The good news is that I got rid of a lot of stuff that we had kept, either from the move or from buying things. Boxes and boxes with plastic packaging and manuals and spare parts - a lot of it is getting recycled/thrown out. I was able to get the basement basement somewhat put back together and have only to go through some other boxes to see what else is to be kept and what can be chucked. And then I can start migrating some stuff down. We also have some things to get rid of so I'm going to check out usedottawa.com and freecycle to see if I can find people who want it instead of throwing it out. We're not the garage sale types.
The other piece of good news is that we got the first coat of paint done in the bathroom. The floor tiles are blue and the counter is grey and the walls were the brown-off-white colour that we chose when the house was built. It was driving me crazy. Now the walls are almost white and after another coat of paint will be perfect. That hopefully will happen tonight. As soon as the second coat of paint dries I'm putting everything back on the walls and in the closet and the spare room will be empty once again. Then we can start thinking about a crib and a chair and whether we want to have the 3/4 bed in the room too. It's not the biggest room.
So it was definitely a busy and productive weekend. I also managed to vacuum, go swimming and lie outside while J worked on the deck (I slathered on the sunscreen because I am still peeling from my burn almost 3 weeks ago). His plan for the deck is to have it finished - the rest of the railings and the stairs - by Sunday. We're picking up more wood tonight. We're also going to pick up some storage bins so we can have somewhere to put whatever we decide to keep from the basement.
Everything is slowly coming together and eventually my house won't look like a war zone. For now, a little chaos is okay. Having people over Sunday gives us a deadline and I definitely work better with deadlines.
Friday, June 5
Meme, because I said so
Thank you all for your comments in response to my last post about exercise. So far my email reminders have been working. I managed to do the stretching Wednesday (once at work and at night). Yesterday my abs were still sore and I had my physio appointment so I didn't do the night stretches (my prerogative). Today I've done the ab stretches and will hopefully do the night ones too. I think it may be working.
I also realized that I've been sleeping more often on my back, which aggravates the nerve, which makes the pain in my leg worse. I am going to try harder to sleep on my sides.
I have lots and lots of stuff swirling around in my head these days. It actually kept me awake two nights ago. I try to write things down so I can "let go" but it doesn't seem to be working. The only way I know to combat this is to get things done. That way I know I'm working towards getting things organized/cleaned/decided on and my mind will slow down. Here's hoping.
For now, I am going to do a meme that Hannah at BrightestBlue and T at The Quack Attack have done. There will be some questions I'm not answering because I just couldn't be bothered and honestly I'm not much of a love/hate type of person. I like things and dislike things, but I'm not very polar.
1. Most loved food: I think pizza takes the cake on this one. Hmm.. cake. Problem is I have a sweet tooth but I also crave salty things. Let's go with pizza.
2. Most loved person: A weird guy ahead of me in high school, just after breaking up with his girlfriend, said that you have to be completely comfortable with who you are before you can give yourself completely to someone. It may have been his drug-induced state, but what he said makes a lot of sense. I married J before I was 100% comfortable with myself, but with his help, I've gotten there. That is my answer.
3. Most loved job: I've had a lot of jobs, but the one that gave me the most satisfaction was probably my paper route when I was a kid. I stashed away all my loonies (this was when the loonie was first introduced) and then spent all my money on the DickiDee for the next couple of summers. I've been thinking a lot about job satisfaction lately and how I don't have much. I don't know that I will ever have a job that fulfills me and have started being okay with that fact.
4. Most loved city: To live in, that would obviously be Ottawa and area. I grew up here and have chosen to settle here. To travel to would probably be Tamarindo, Costa Rica. It was beautiful and we had a great time and I would definitely go back. I don't say that about many places I've traveled to.
5. Most loved band: I listen to a Counting Crows CD every night before bed, but I've seen Green Day 3 times in concert (and have tickets for their upcoming show!) I'm more of a radio type girl though since I tend to get bored with music pretty quickly.
6. Most loved website: Google Reader - It allows me to get all the updates on all the websites I frequent without having to go to each one. Does that count?
7. Most loved TV show: I don't have just one. With a PVR I've been watching more and more shows and I love that most of them are going with the continuing theme (as opposed to just stand-alone episodes).
8. Most loved movie: Again, I don't have a favourite. I do like the Disney/Pixar movies and I like to laugh and be scared, but I don't much like going to the theater.
9. Most loved artist: I don't have one.
10. Most loved book: If Wishes Were Horses by W.P. Kinsella. It's one of the few books I own. I prefer to borrow books, but I will buy a Lonely Planet guide before I travel somewhere.
11. Most loved shop: Don't have one of these either.
12. Most loved organization: I don't donate a lot of money to organizations (I hope to donate more and more as I make more and more money).
13. Most loved historical event: I've got nothing.
14. Most loved sport: Hockey and baseball ("fastpitch softball" as they call it these days) are what I play and have always played. These days though I consider carrying a load of laundry up two flights of stairs a sport.
15. Most loved piece of technology: I never thought I would say this, but our universal remote. Without it I would not be able to turn the tv on let alone watch tv OR play XBOX. Amazing.
16. Most loved annual event: I'm going to have to go with my birthday.
Fun.
I also realized that I've been sleeping more often on my back, which aggravates the nerve, which makes the pain in my leg worse. I am going to try harder to sleep on my sides.
I have lots and lots of stuff swirling around in my head these days. It actually kept me awake two nights ago. I try to write things down so I can "let go" but it doesn't seem to be working. The only way I know to combat this is to get things done. That way I know I'm working towards getting things organized/cleaned/decided on and my mind will slow down. Here's hoping.
For now, I am going to do a meme that Hannah at BrightestBlue and T at The Quack Attack have done. There will be some questions I'm not answering because I just couldn't be bothered and honestly I'm not much of a love/hate type of person. I like things and dislike things, but I'm not very polar.
1. Most loved food: I think pizza takes the cake on this one. Hmm.. cake. Problem is I have a sweet tooth but I also crave salty things. Let's go with pizza.
2. Most loved person: A weird guy ahead of me in high school, just after breaking up with his girlfriend, said that you have to be completely comfortable with who you are before you can give yourself completely to someone. It may have been his drug-induced state, but what he said makes a lot of sense. I married J before I was 100% comfortable with myself, but with his help, I've gotten there. That is my answer.
3. Most loved job: I've had a lot of jobs, but the one that gave me the most satisfaction was probably my paper route when I was a kid. I stashed away all my loonies (this was when the loonie was first introduced) and then spent all my money on the DickiDee for the next couple of summers. I've been thinking a lot about job satisfaction lately and how I don't have much. I don't know that I will ever have a job that fulfills me and have started being okay with that fact.
4. Most loved city: To live in, that would obviously be Ottawa and area. I grew up here and have chosen to settle here. To travel to would probably be Tamarindo, Costa Rica. It was beautiful and we had a great time and I would definitely go back. I don't say that about many places I've traveled to.
5. Most loved band: I listen to a Counting Crows CD every night before bed, but I've seen Green Day 3 times in concert (and have tickets for their upcoming show!) I'm more of a radio type girl though since I tend to get bored with music pretty quickly.
6. Most loved website: Google Reader - It allows me to get all the updates on all the websites I frequent without having to go to each one. Does that count?
7. Most loved TV show: I don't have just one. With a PVR I've been watching more and more shows and I love that most of them are going with the continuing theme (as opposed to just stand-alone episodes).
8. Most loved movie: Again, I don't have a favourite. I do like the Disney/Pixar movies and I like to laugh and be scared, but I don't much like going to the theater.
9. Most loved artist: I don't have one.
10. Most loved book: If Wishes Were Horses by W.P. Kinsella. It's one of the few books I own. I prefer to borrow books, but I will buy a Lonely Planet guide before I travel somewhere.
11. Most loved shop: Don't have one of these either.
12. Most loved organization: I don't donate a lot of money to organizations (I hope to donate more and more as I make more and more money).
13. Most loved historical event: I've got nothing.
14. Most loved sport: Hockey and baseball ("fastpitch softball" as they call it these days) are what I play and have always played. These days though I consider carrying a load of laundry up two flights of stairs a sport.
15. Most loved piece of technology: I never thought I would say this, but our universal remote. Without it I would not be able to turn the tv on let alone watch tv OR play XBOX. Amazing.
16. Most loved annual event: I'm going to have to go with my birthday.
Fun.
Tuesday, June 2
Exercise
With my growing body exercise has become painful and therefore elusive. Even walking hurts most days. I'm trying to combat this, the leg pain, with physio and it's working except I don't do my part - I don't do my stretches. It's like I'm back in piano lessons, disappointing my teacher and my parents every week when I didn't practice. I never lived up to my potential because I just couldn't do it on my own.
This is a big part of my personality and why I excel at team sports and not individual ones. Running is the only thing I've done for myself, but I train better when signed up for a race. This attitude flows throughout my life, not only in sports - I need either people depending on me (like in team sports) or a deadline or set goal (like when running races). When it's just for me I can't get motivated.
Even when it's my body, with my stretches and physio, I can't do it. It is so frustrating and after my physio today I had a full-on pity party. Why can't I do my stretches? Why is my body doing this to me? Why can't I have my body back? It was awful.
I took some action. I use Google Calendar so I set up some reminders for myself. I don't know how it's going to work or even IF it's going to work, but I need to do this. For myself. If you have any tips, please let me know. Can I change my personality enough to get better?
This is a big part of my personality and why I excel at team sports and not individual ones. Running is the only thing I've done for myself, but I train better when signed up for a race. This attitude flows throughout my life, not only in sports - I need either people depending on me (like in team sports) or a deadline or set goal (like when running races). When it's just for me I can't get motivated.
Even when it's my body, with my stretches and physio, I can't do it. It is so frustrating and after my physio today I had a full-on pity party. Why can't I do my stretches? Why is my body doing this to me? Why can't I have my body back? It was awful.
I took some action. I use Google Calendar so I set up some reminders for myself. I don't know how it's going to work or even IF it's going to work, but I need to do this. For myself. If you have any tips, please let me know. Can I change my personality enough to get better?
Monday, June 1
Quebec City
J and I decided early on in this pregnancy to take one last trip together before September (aka, a babymoon). That trip was this past weekend to Quebec City. We chose Quebec City because neither of us had been and it was not too far to drive. We booked last Friday and today off work a while ago, but only booked our hotel Thursday night. That was J's brainchild since I was of the mind that "showing up and seeing what happens" hasn't failed us before, but I was happy with our accomodations.
Quebec City is old and partially walled-in. You can read all about it on Wikipedia, but basically, what you need to know, if you haven't been, is that almost everything is within walking distance and there are a lot of hills. We did what my Lonely Planet Canada book said to do: got to the city, parked the car and had a good time. We walked everywhere. Why two people like ourselves (one with multiple missing toenails, the other with an extra 20 pounds to lug around with a bad leg) decided on a walking trip is beyond me. But it worked and we're sore but happy.
We saw all the major landmarks (the citadel, parliament, and wall, the latin quarter, the parks, the narrowest street, the funicular, Place Royale) on foot in the rain. I might have complained about all the walking and the rain and tried to hide my shortness of breath with made-up photo-ops, but I wouldn't have changed anything. We had a great time.
I don't think I would choose to go back to Quebec City only because I could go somewhere else, but I'm glad we went. It's a beautiful city that does feel similar to some European cities we've been to (Frankfurt and Florence to me).
We took lots of pictures that are now up on Picasa. I'm keeping them private but will share them with you if you let me know you'd like to see them - comment or send me an email.
Today was a bonus day since we got home yesterday early evening. We slept in, did laundry, got groceries, went swimming/to the gym and lounged about. Tomorrow we're back to work. At least it's a short week.
Quebec City is old and partially walled-in. You can read all about it on Wikipedia, but basically, what you need to know, if you haven't been, is that almost everything is within walking distance and there are a lot of hills. We did what my Lonely Planet Canada book said to do: got to the city, parked the car and had a good time. We walked everywhere. Why two people like ourselves (one with multiple missing toenails, the other with an extra 20 pounds to lug around with a bad leg) decided on a walking trip is beyond me. But it worked and we're sore but happy.
We saw all the major landmarks (the citadel, parliament, and wall, the latin quarter, the parks, the narrowest street, the funicular, Place Royale) on foot in the rain. I might have complained about all the walking and the rain and tried to hide my shortness of breath with made-up photo-ops, but I wouldn't have changed anything. We had a great time.
I don't think I would choose to go back to Quebec City only because I could go somewhere else, but I'm glad we went. It's a beautiful city that does feel similar to some European cities we've been to (Frankfurt and Florence to me).
We took lots of pictures that are now up on Picasa. I'm keeping them private but will share them with you if you let me know you'd like to see them - comment or send me an email.
Today was a bonus day since we got home yesterday early evening. We slept in, did laundry, got groceries, went swimming/to the gym and lounged about. Tomorrow we're back to work. At least it's a short week.
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