No apologies

Today is like Boxing Day - let me explain. Yesterday, my due date, B-Day, was a little like Christmas. Only Christmas didn't happen. I tried my best to not get attached to that date, knowing it was only an estimate, knowing that most babies aren't born on their due dates. But I got attached anyway. It's hard when everyone wants to know when you're due and won't take "the beginning of September" as an answer. Plus all the doctors and OBs and midwives and techs all asking the same question. So I went and got attached. September 3rd became my Christmas.

Like any little kid who loves Christmas I couldn't sleep B-Day Eve (September 2nd). I was up late, rocking on my exercise ball, convinced and hoping that I would wake up sometime during the night to my water breaking or the intense pain of contractions. I was ready. I was excited. It was almost Christmas!

I woke up to pee a bunch of times as per usual. Nothing. No signs that labour was starting. So I stayed in bed. J got up and left for work, asking if I was in labour before he left like he always does (he's cute that way - so excited for his little man to be born and actually quite looking forward to his role in this whole thing. I couldn't ask for anything more.) I figured that if I kept sleeping, eventually I would wake up in labour. That's the way these things work, right. It's Christmas Day after all!

I finally got out of bed after 11am. I'm not sure how I made it so long without eating. First thing I did was sit down at the computer to an email from Baby Center saying congratulations on my newborn. Ug. And then the messages and emails from everyone asking if the baby was here yet. It was too much. I was still getting over my disappointment over not having woken up in labour and then to have it rubbed in my face that there was a good chance B-Day would come and go without so much as a real contraction. Guess what, if I'm on the computer, chances are I'm not in the hospital and chances are I'm not caring for a new little person.

So I was grouchy and I won't apologize for that. I think it's understandable. I felt better after getting off my ass, getting some food and going out. I went to return a shirt I bought ($45 in my pocket) and then went and spent some money on a yoga mat for J who has started this insane workout and some paintings to put up in my bathroom (-$65 = -$20 total). Not bad. I also booked myself a massage and pedicure for today. I will have to cancel the appointment if I'm in labour but otherwise I get a nice relaxing massage and pretty toes.

For some reason, getting past yesterday feels good. Yesterday was all disappointment because it was Christmas without the fun, without the presents. Today is just another day and this baby will come when he's good and ready. I don't blame him. It's warm and comfy in there and it's a completely unknown and scary world out here. But really baby, we're ready for you. Sandy has checked out everything we have for you, slept on every surface that you may sleep on, checked every blanket for softness, pawed at the toys hanging from the swing you'll spend hours in. We're ready to meet you, our little squirming man. Any day now.