All over the place

I hope no one minds if I just kind of empty my brain here on this blog. I have so many thoughts swirling around but no drive to make a coherent post (if that was even possible) out of a topic or two. Or three. Or ten.

Monday night I slept on and off and on and off, but it wasn't the interrupted kind of sleep that makes you mad. I was wide awake between sleeps and thinking about all sorts of things and it hit me. I had an epiphany. I can totally do this pregnancy thing and I will totally be able to do labour and delivery. And, while we're on the topic, I can be a good mother. Where did it all come from? I'm not sure exactly, but I'm sure. Positive actually, and it's a nice feeling. I finally feel ready.

Also, I've been wanting a drug-free labour and delivery. Not because I'm against drugs or am a granola-crunching flower child. I just think that, without complications, my body should be able to handle the birth of the baby it created. And why not? This is what I was built to do. Have you seen my hips? J and I joke that my hips don't lie (like Shakira's don't) because they're so wide. And what's really nice is that J is completely on board, which is an unbelievable relief since he's going to be my "labour partner" and the one urging me on during the entire event, and the midwife is confident in me too. It's nice being told by a professional that my labour will go smoothly and I shouldn't have any problems.

It's a weird thing that a lot of this confidence I have in my body came from my miscarriage. Miscarriages aren't pleasant but they often happen spontaneously and for reasons that are natural. I wasn't smoking crack but there was obviously something wrong with that pregnancy. Wrong enough that my body decided to stop the whole thing. Who knows what problems the baby might have had if my body hadn't done that. And my body did it very efficiently. It was early on, it was painless, it was quick and complete. I was telling doctors I had miscarried before they could tell me, even with all the technology available to them. If my body can get handle that so well, why not a full-term pregnancy? And to be honest, so far my body has handled pregnancy well. Sure I've had my share of complaints, but not serious ones. I've been very lucky.

I recently read Mind Over Labor which is a book all about getting through labour using visualization. I'm not great at guided relaxation but I think I can use a lot of the techniques from the book. The author compares childbirth to playing sports - ah! I can relate to that! - and other, usual, daily events in life. It all makes sense. The other book I'm reading is the Guide to Breastfeeding and is written by a Canadian. J was given The Birth Partner to read. He just started but is serious about doing everything he can to help me (how lucky am I?) so he'll get through it. He already stopped reading to read some bits out loud to me.

We got these books from our midwife. I have to say again how happy I am to have a midwife. It's so nice going there, sitting on a couch and talking about random things before getting down to business. It's nice getting personal care and getting to know the medical professionals that will be there on B-Day. It's nice being told that since I'm tall I'm carrying the baby well and that looking small isn't a problem. Measuring small isn't a problem. Baby is a good size and already in position. I'm doing a great job! I would recommend midwifery care to anyone who is pregnant, at least take the time to read about midwives to decide if it's an option for you.

We went and saw the pictures A took of me and J last Friday. They turned out really really well. It's going to be nice to have professional shots to remind us how we looked at this time, me especially, with an incredibly big-for-me belly. Between then and last night, A learned about rim lighting, a technique to create silhouettes, which make a pregnant woman look really good (in my opinion) so we tried some of those last night. I'm still getting over the fact that I was stripped down to my little underwear in front of people other than J and being photographed. But the shots turned out really well. Like I said, the curves of the breast, the belly and then the leg look really amazing using this technique. A, you are a genius!

J and I learned in our prenatal class that when the baby engages - moves down into the pelvis - often you can see a significant difference in how the woman is carrying. You will be able to notice her belly is lower than before. I never had the super high up belly but we decided to try tracing it anyways. A week and a half ago was the first tracing and earlier this week was the second. The big part of my belly is in the same spot but there's a bump lower down where the baby's head is (strange!) and my belly has gone out a whole inch! After this is all done, I'll take a picture and show you. Incredible the difference a week makes at this stage.

And, to end this random post, a story from McDonalds. J and I went to McDonalds for dinner last night. Who doesn't love some grease? We went to sit down in a booth and, let me remind you that this is McDonalds and not some fancy restaurant catering to the wealthy. I didn't fit! My belly was too big and I didn't fit between the back of the booth and the table! What do men with potbellies do? I'm not THAT big! We sat at a table with movable chairs. Ug.

Tomorrow J flies to Halifax for his cousin's wedding. Body, even if you've never listened to me before, please don't go into labour until at least Sunday.